Chapter 31 Reyna #4
Our lips brush together when I swallow. “But your brother.”
Maddox tucks tearstained hair behind my ears. Frowning, he stares off to the side for a moment before refocusing on me. “He can make his own decisions. It’s time I make mine.”
“But… the video?” The Order is watching Spencer. We can’t ignore all the risks. “They’re going to break him. I can’t let you do that for me.” We’re all victims of circumstance, and I’m not worth the repercussions.
“I’m not asking for your permission. I can’t keep torturing myself if this is the life he wants.
Spencer could never grow because I’m always there to stop it.
He was never offered a choice in the matter, and I never had one.
I’m going to end the engagement this week.
” He presses a kiss to my tearstained cheek.
“If I’m living under someone’s whim, I’d rather it be yours. ”
“And what happens once we walk out that door tomorrow?” I gesture to the entrance. I refuse to relive what he put me through again.
“We make it work.” There’s so much vindication in his tone.
Shaking my head, I release myself from his grip, anger rising. Those are the words I wanted to hear three weeks ago when I knocked on his door. He chose to tear me into pieces instead. “Why couldn’t you have told me instead of making me think I’m the problem?”
A wounded look crosses his face. “I thought it would be easier for you to hate me and stay away than both of us fighting the pull. I’d take back what I said in a heartbeat if I could.”
I can feel his guilt through the spaces where we aren’t touching. But guilt isn’t enough. I’ve been hurt by him and the people I care about too many times already. “I can’t trust you won’t pull the same thing on me again.”
The vein in his forehead ticks, and his eyes harden as if he wants me to know what he says next is true. “Then I have a lifetime to prove it to you.”
If I ask myself whether I’d regret walking out the door right now, my answer would be yes. I’m not sure whether he deserves another chance, but I want to have a chance at happiness. Or at least a semblance of it.
I shake my head, unsure what to do. He takes it as rejection.
“Is that what you want? To see me on my knees, begging?” Maddox slides onto the floor, dropping to his knees between my parted legs. “Because I’ll crawl across glass if that’s what you want me to do. I’ll get on my knees every morning and every night if it means you’ll look at me again.”
He palms my thighs and rubs his hands over every curve of my body, anguished, like the only thing that can stop his torment is me and he won’t survive if I let him go.
A sob builds in my throat. “I can’t rely on your words, Maddox. They’ve lied to me before.”
“I’ll do anything. Name it, and it’s yours.
I’ll gouge my heart right out of my chest if that’s what you want.
Kill my own father if it makes you sleep easier.
Anything at all, and I’ll do it.” He drops lower onto his knees, gazing up at me in total despair.
“Please, Reyna. Give me one more chance.”
I avert my eyes and wipe away my tears with my sleeve. “I don’t want to be made a fool of again.”
“You won’t. I promise.”
I take a shuddering breath and twist my hands together. Is a chance with Maddox worth the risk of everything he’s described? The very thought of the potential dangers sets me alight when it shouldn’t. But his brother’s life? Maddox’s? We’ll be playing with fire.
Saying yes to him isn’t a declaration that we’ll be bound to each other for an eternity. This can be a we’ll see what happens. A trial period. If the risks become too grave, I can step away.
If he does anything—and I mean anything—that gives me pause, I’m out.
Looking back at him, I whisper, “No more secrets.”
“None,” he promises.
“No more lies.”
“Never.”
Taking a deep breath, I croak, “Please don’t break my heart again.”
“I’d rather die.”
“Okay,” I rasp. “I’ll stay for now. But I can’t… I can’t blindly believe you again. This is temporary until I decide it’s permanent—until I can trust that you really mean what you say and that I’m not just some pastime to you.”
He nods. Grabbing the back of my neck, he pulls me down and meets my lips halfway. “I swear you won’t regret it.”
When he presses his lips to mine, I let him because I want this as badly as he does. I don’t want to be alone anymore, and if kissing him is the only chance I’ll get to feel like everything is all right, I’ll take it.
Our lips move against each other, absorbing every ounce of desperation through the space where our bodies meet.
I melt into him, silently urging him for more.
To consume me so completely that I can forget my own name, and the pain that’s lasted a lifetime.
He grasps my legs, kneading my flesh through my clothes like it might keep him tethered to reality. But he doesn’t get the hint.
My fingers wrap around his wrist to bring his hand up my skirt.
He pulls away, flicking his eyes between mine. “Are you sure?”
“Please.” I push my hips forward to meet his hand.
A divot forms between his brows. I’m too raw to handle any rejection right now.
“Maddox.” My voice wavers. “Make me feel good.”
His frown dissolves. “Always,” he promises.
He captures me in a kiss that steals my breath, and we move together like we were born to do it. I lift my hips so he can ease my woolen stockings down my legs. My skirt quickly follows suit. His lips don’t leave mine until he pulls my sweater and blouse over my head.
I thread my fingers into his hair and deepen his kiss to savor the taste of him.
No one has ever made me feel as good or as free as he has.
It hurts to admit how much I missed him these past weeks.
Even the act of simply talking to him makes the world seem a little less dull.
But lately everything has turned back into various shades of gray. It’s no way to live.
Maddox grasps my thighs to pull me to the edge of the couch. I shake my head when he begins to lower himself to the apex of my thighs. “No,” I gasp, holding his head in place. “I just—” I choke. “I need to feel you.”
He curses under his breath. In one swift move, I’m cradled in his arms, being carried over to the bed. Our gazes meet, and the intensity of his eyes threatens to bring tears to mine. They’re filled with a hundred different oaths that would kill me if he broke.
The bed creaks as he slowly lowers me. The duvet engulfs me in its cool embrace.
Holding my stare, he draws slow circles over my clit that leave me silently groaning and chasing his fingers.
A bolt of pleasure flashes up my spine when he dips them into me, curling to make me see stars.
His name falls from my lips, and I watch, mesmerized, when he shudders at the sound of the two syllables.
Moisture coats the inside of my thighs as he drives his fingers into me until I’m a moaning mess. Goose bumps cascade over my flesh from the visceral pleasure. My back arches off the bed, and I claw at his arms to keep him going.
Maddox barely leaves enough room between us for me to undress him, and like the other times we’ve done this dance, he leaves his top on.
Questions form at the tip of my tongue, but I leave it in favor of keeping this moment free from more heartache.
I wrap my legs around his waist, urging him to move faster.
“Reyna,” he mumbles, attempting to loosen my legs from around him to keep working me with his fingers.
I shake my head, canting my hip to get closer to his cock. “I need you,” I whisper.
With a strained grunt, he draws out of me and lowers himself onto an elbow beside me to cradle my head with one hand and wrap his arm around my waist with the other.
He pushes his cock up between my folds, and I let out a frustrated groan that he chuckles softly at, peppering kisses along my collarbone and up my neck as he continues teasing me.
A gasp rips out of me when he meets my lips and drives into me at the same time. My core clenches around him. It makes his muscles quiver beneath my touch. I curl my legs around him and raise my hip to take him deeper as his fingers find my middle to rub my sensitive flesh.
Maddox fucks me slowly. The kind of gentle that doesn’t leave marks in the walls or shake the bed. Not once do his lips stop moving to press delicate kisses over my tender flesh. My heart feels full to the brim, and I’m worried it’ll overflow and end in tears.
“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers, increasing the pressure with his fingers.
I squeeze my eyes shut and hold back a sob. He can’t say things like that if he wants to keep me in one piece.
I pull his lips between my teeth to distract myself. I’m rewarded with a vicious thrust. His chest rumbles with pleasure when I moan his name again at the rising ecstasy. The pressure compounds in my core and makes me whine with need.
The rhythm turns more rapid, each thrust punctured to deliver every inch of him.
A string of curses pulls from my lips, and my nails dig into the fabric of his shirt.
My eyes roll to the back of my head, and everything after that comes out unintelligible.
I’m a garbled mess of hiccuped moans and uncontained desire.
Pure, white-hot electricity zaps to every corner of my body, lighting me up until the pleasure becomes blinding. Maddox captures my cries and meets me with his own strangled groan. His cock twitches inside of me, spilling his come until it feels like I’m overflowing with him.
He rolls us over to have me lie on top of him. He carefully arranges the blankets without pulling out of me.
Maddox brushes his lips over the top of my head. “I’m never going to let you go.”
My eyes drift shut, and I nestle against his chest.
I hope that’s true.