47. Wilder #3
He’s still doing his best to catch his breath, when I pull away and stroke back his hair.
“Fuck, Blue, what have you done to me?” I kiss him again, slowly, agonizingly committing every part of him to memory, as I mildly wonder how quick we can go again.
I can feel myself leaking down my cock, that is still half hard inside of him, as I realize I want this and only this.
“When we get home, I’m going to keep you locked in my apartment for a whole week,” I start, stroking my hands down his back and teasing the silky garment he has on.
“Gonna fuck your pretty hole and have it keeping my cock warm, until it’s stuffed with so much of my cum that you can’t even walk. ”
If we weren’t so close to one another I wouldn’t feel his whole body freeze at my words, his hands slide slowly to my chest, so he can push himself back and meet my stare.
“Wilder.” My name comes out almost silently, the pleasure instantly gone from his face.
“I thought you knew,” he adds softly, and I frown in confusion, my hands still exploring his body, trying to comfort whatever is wrong with him.
“Knew what, baby?” I don’t know why I ask the question, because as soon as I do, I see the answer in his stare, and my hands freeze.
“I told you this was all I could give you. That this, us,” he gestures between us, as if what just happened meant nothing.
“Was just for the season, just a bit of fun, I was very clear on that.” Each word he says is like a sharp shard penetrating my skin as I absorb them, my cock still fucking leaking inside him as he talks.
“Does what we have feel like a bit of fun to you?” My question is once again irrelevant, because I’m not stupid.
I know he felt everything we just did as much as I do.
“I mean fuck, Reed, we sleep together every night, spend every spare moment together, my fucking dick is still inside you right now, after the best sex I’ve ever fucking had, and you’re going to tell me you don’t feel this?
” My hands fly to his face as I cup his cheeks, pleading with him to agree with me.
“Are you really going to keep saying that this is just a bit of fucking fun?”
Tears shine in his stare, but still he swallows thickly and replies, “I told you on the roof that’s all it could be.”
“That’s not what I fucking asked,” I scoff, pushing him off of me, pulling up my pants.
I find my shirt while Reed also scrambles to get dressed, only to find me pacing across the concrete of the garage when he’s done. My heart is thundering in my chest, wondering how I just went from riding high on life to feeling like everything is falling apart.
“Are you really going to look me in the eye and tell me we’re nothing?” I demand, coming to a stop, and I can tell from the look on his face that I’m no longer dealing with my Reed.
“You knew what this was, I was very clear on that,” he says again, more firmly this time, like the loss of my dick in his ass has given him the clarity he needs. “You’ve known who I am since the moment you met me, and I’m not going to apologize for the fact you thought you could change me.”
I look at him in disbelief. “Change you?” I repeat, shaking my head.
“I don’t want to change you, you’re fucking perfect, Blue.
I want you to be honest with me, and if not with me, at least be honest with yourself.
” His heartbreaker blue eyes hold mine hostage, and I erase the distance between us.
“I know who you truly are, and I can love you enough for the both of us, no matter what it takes.”
My words are probably the most vulnerable things I’ve ever said, but Reed is already shaking his head, as if they have no effect on him. “I don’t want you to,” he snaps, making me pause. “I know what my life looks like, what’s always been expected of me,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“I don’t give a fuck about what’s expected of you, Prescott,” I curse, and I know using his name is a low blow, but I’m too pissed off to care.
If it affects him in any way, he doesn’t show it, his practiced blank mask remains perfectly in place.
“I’m asking you to give us a chance, and you can do that without shouting it from the fucking rooftops. ”
No part of me cares if he needs to keep me a secret, and I thought that was more than clear after all the time we spent together. I don’t need an audience or approval, I just need him, but apparently that’s not good enough.
“I won’t pull you back into the closet just to be with me.”
Feeling desperate now, I reach down and clasp his hands in mine, pressing him against the car and dropping my head until it can rest on his.
“Then look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel this,” I beg, searching his stare.
“Tell me that what I feel is one sided, and that I mean nothing to you.” My words are practically pleaded against his mouth, and I feel his sigh so fucking deeply.
“I can love you and want you and still not want this.” His confession feels worse than any pain I have ever felt.
“I’m allowed to want something different, and being with you is not something I can do, Wilder, not now, not ever.
” The words are said with such finality, and they cut into my heart like a thousand pieces of glass, making me swallow thickly, as I force myself away from him.
“Then I guess, this is goodbye.”
I force myself to turn on my heels, walking away without looking back, my heart breaking in my chest with every step I take away from him.