14. Blair
Blair
M y head falls back against the seat as I watch Andrei drive, admiring the confident way he navigates around the unfamiliar area. Streetlights flash overhead, illuminating his strong profile every few seconds, each one giving me a glimpse of things I’ve never allowed myself to notice before.
Flash . I watch his long lashes as he blinks.
Flash . He’s let his stubble grow out since the funeral.
Flash . I wonder what it would feel like if I kissed him again.
“I can feel you staring, zolotse .”
I scrunch my face as he looks at me for a moment before turning his attention back to the road.
“What does that mean?” It isn’t the first time he’s called me that. I don’t think it’s an insult, but I’d like to know for sure before I get used to it.
He sits up straighter, his brows drawn together. “You don’t speak Russian?” He sounds baffled, and it’s almost enough to make me laugh. I shake my head, refusing to feel shame over it.
“Why not? ”
“No real reason.” I shrug. The lie tastes bitter, but there’s no reason to pick at an old wound.
After I met Andrei and Daniil, I tried to use a language learning app to teach myself Russian. I’d even asked Daniil to help me practice early on in our relationship, but he refused, saying it was better if I didn’t know.
At first, I thought he was trying to protect me from overhearing anything that would get me in trouble if things ended up going sideways. Now, I know he just wanted to have some part of his life that I was permanently shut out of.
What was the point of learning when Daniil, the only person I would have spoken it with, was so against it? I gave up almost as soon as I started.
Andrei pulls to a stop at a red light, turning his full focus onto me, like I’m a puzzle that he can’t figure out.
“Does Niko speak Russian?”
“Of course he does. Daniil and Mila have been teaching him since he was born. Hell, Mila almost exclusively speaks to him in Russian.” Probably because it’s a great way to exclude me, but, hey, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’s doing it because she’s a big fan of immersive learning.
“Do you want to learn?”
“It’d be nice.” I shrug. “I’d like to help Niko learn, but the fact that I don’t know how to speak Russian isn’t keeping me up at night, either.”
His jaw flexes as the light changes, and he eases back into traffic.
The drone of tires on the road and the soft purr of the engine wash over us, filling the space with a comfortable white noise that allows me to relax as I watch him.
For as stressed out as I was on the way to the club, now the journey is soothing as Andrei navigates toward familiar streets.
When we got in the car, he ditched his jacket and rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, something I’m grateful for as I watch the muscles in his forearms flex while he drives. Each movement is strong and confident as he turns the wheel, the veins in his hands captivating my attention.
What would those hands feel like against me?
Would he be soft and gentle? Or would he be strong and domineering?
Is Andrei the kind of man that takes what he wants, not giving me even a moment to second-guess myself, and only let me feel what he wants me to?
Or would he be content to lie back and let me set the pace, let me decide how he gets to touch me?
I bite the inside of my cheek as I shift in my seat.
I need to wait until I’m alone to ask myself those sorts of questions.
“I could teach you, if you’d like,” he offers, tearing me out of my daydream. He doesn’t even blink, but it feels like he just shifted the foundation I’m standing on.
I can’t afford to let myself fall for him, but when he offers something like that, without a but or an if , I can picture a world where, like a total idiot, I throw away my dignity and let myself fall. Just a little bit.
He isn’t even interested , I tell myself. Don’t set yourself up for heartbreak like that .
I swallow thickly, clasping my hands together in my lap. “If you have time, I’d appreciate that. ”
“We’ll find time.” He smiles, making my stomach flip like I’m at the top of a roller coaster, waiting for the descent into oblivion.
I mutter a quiet thanks, unable to meet his gaze.
As the car pulls to a stop in front of the house, I can’t help but wonder if Andrei’s comfortable here. He’s taken up residence in one of the guest rooms, just as he promised, but there has to be something I can do to make it feel more like a home for him.
Maybe I should clear out a room for him to use as an office, something so he doesn’t have to feel cramped in one spot.
As Andrei dismisses Mila, thanking her again for coming over at the last minute, I slip into Niko’s room and check on him. He’s tucked into his bed, safe and sound. His breaths come out in easy, sleepy puffs.
I expect to feel a momentary flicker of guilt over leaving him, but if it’s there, it has no teeth in place of the gratitude I feel for what Andrei did at the club.
He defended me. Even though it might have consequences for him later, he didn’t hesitate. He just put himself between Pavel and I, like it wasn’t even a choice. Like it was an instinct.
I can’t remember the last time anyone did something like that for me. I swallow the lump in my throat.
God, I hope Andrei doesn’t get in trouble for it.
When I step into the hall, I’m only mildly surprised to see him leaning against the wall across from me. I close the door behind me and move to step around him, even less surprised when he follows me toward my room.
“I’m sorry that I let Pavel get close to you,” he says, voice husky, hands shoved deep into his pockets.
He looks contrite, his face absent of the scowl I thought was a permanent fixture.
He’s always been such a stalwart figure, never betraying what he’s really feeling, that the sight catches me off guard.
“It’s my fault. I was the one who wandered off, remember?”
Andrei wraps his arms around me suddenly, pulling me against him, so close that I can hear his heart beating in his chest. I relax against his hold, trying to keep the rapid racing of my own heart under control.
“None of this is your fault.” He presses his lips against the top of my head. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
I hide my smile in his chest.
“You know, I really did have a good time tonight.”
He laughs lightly, sliding his hands down until they rest on my hips. “For some reason, I’m not sure I believe you.”
“You don’t have to believe me for it to be true,” I chuckle.
“It went better than I thought it would.” The fuzzy feeling in my chest is making me dizzy, but the firmness of his hands keeps me grounded.
I pull back and look at him, mesmerized by the different shades of silver and gray in his eyes glinting in the low light.
“And thank you. For standing up for me.”
His face relaxes, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. It’s a sight so intoxicating I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. “Anytime.”
His grip is loose enough that I could pull away from him if I wanted to, but I don’t. I don’t want to be any further from him than I am.
His warm breaths intermingle with mine, making me realize just how quiet it is, how dimly lit the hallway is. My skin feels like it’s buzzing. Before I can second-guess myself, I stand my toes and press my lips against his, my blood rushing in my ears.
His grip tightens, holding me even closer against him as his lips move against mine, his tongue gently prodding against my mouth, testing without being tentative. I lean into him, letting him take my weight.
The way he holds me against him, tight enough that I know I wouldn’t be able to pull away even if I tried, has the heat between my thighs rising faster than I know what to do with. When I shift, I can’t miss the outline of his growing erection as he pulls me closer, not an inch of space between us.
Oh .
He pulls back just far enough to ask, “Can we go to your bedroom?”
I nod in a daze, his nose brushing against my cheek and setting off sparks under my skin. I pull away with great reluctance, taking his hands in mine as I lead him down the hall.
The heat in the way he looks at me makes me feel like I’m standing on the edge of something .
Something big and scary that I don’t want to give up. Refusing to shy away from it, I open the door, stepping through and pulling him with me, his hand scorching in mine.
As soon as the door shuts behind him, his lips are back on mine, kissing me in a way that feels like he’s the master of every sensation coursing through my veins, directing every nerve until I’m feeling exactly what he wants me to.
Andrei unzips my dress, and with just a tug it falls, pooling around my ankles.
He steps back, looking at me as if trying to memorize every inch of my body, while I try not to shift away from his hungry gaze.
I shiver under the force of it while his hands skim along the edges of my bra, goosebumps breaking out across my skin.
“Beautiful.” His tone is almost awed.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I say, hands undoing the buttons of his shirt, pretending the way he’s watching me doesn’t make my insides squirm.
Each button reveals more and more skin, granting me access to the tattoos I didn’t know he had, winding designs that flow into each other. They cover his chest and shoulders, a work of art that does nothing to distract me from his tight muscles.
And fuck me, I want to trace them with my tongue.
As his hand trails along my stomach, I instinctively flinch away, cursing internally when he freezes. His hand pauses in its perusal and when I reluctantly meet his eyes, they’re sharp and unrelenting. He looks at me reverently, like he’s ready to worship every part of me.
His pupils are fully dilated, swallowing the silver of his irises to a thin ring. Still, he manages to make it feel like he’s reading me like an open book, every single insecurity exposed to his hungry gaze.