Epilogue 2
Blair
I ’m pretty sure shopping at Christmas time is one of the higher levels of hell.
Parking is impossible, people take up whole aisles just so they can stare at their phones, and Niko wants to stop and look at every light and decoration on display.
It’s been fifteen minutes, and I’m already cursing myself for deciding that today was going to be the day that I picked up the tools the internet has assured me will get paint off hardwood flooring.
I should’ve waited. Until March, probably. When everyone’s gone home and decided to only go outside in reasonable numbers instead of forcing me to contend with the most inconsiderate, selfish humans alive while I’m trying to wrangle an excited toddler.
I wasn’t feeling well this morning, and navigating through the crowds isn’t helping. And if the guy at the end of the aisle wearing a cloud of cologne takes a single step closer to me, I’m going to puke on his shoes .
Maybe it would be easier if the store kept all the Christmas decorations to one part of the store, but to get where I need to, I have to dance through the light displays, navigate both the real and plastic trees, and resist the lure of the yard decorations.
Now, finally, the promised land is in sight.
Twenty feet away, the cleaning supplies beckon, calling my name.
I just need to get through the sea of people staring at the inflatable lawn decorations, and I’ll be able to escape this place relatively unscathed.
I consider using my hands as blinders to keep Niko focused on the task at hand, but as someone carelessly walks into my shoulder, jostling me, I decide that it’s smarter to keep his hand tight in mine so he can’t wander off.
“Mama, look!”
Biting back a sigh, I stop, trying to figure out what Niko’s so excited about this time. It doesn’t take long.
Right at his eye level is an inflatable stegosaurus wearing a jolly scarf.
It isn’t big, maybe the size of a corgi, but Niko’s face is bright; it’s as if he just saw Santa Claus in the flesh.
My gut drops, already trying to figure out how to negotiate my way out of a temper tantrum before he even asks.
“Can we get it?”
I start making a sympathetic but non-committal noise when it hits me.
I want to buy him the damn dinosaur, and there’s no one to stop me.
The only reason I instinctively wanted to say no was because Daniil would’ve made a big deal about how tacky and classless he found it, like he did every other time Niko asked for one .
If I bought it when he was still alive, he would’ve thrown it out and washed his hands of the whole thing when Niko cried because his new favorite yard decoration was gone.
He wouldn’t have cared that it made Niko happy; the only thing that would have mattered to him would be how other people viewed it.
But Daniil’s opinion never should have mattered when it comes to making Niko happy, and it definitely doesn’t matter now. I eye the shelf before I sigh, looking toward the front of the store, already dreading the trek back to the entrance. Resigned, I pick up Nikolai to make it a little bit easier.
When I turn around, he turns his watery eyes to me, cracking my heart in two. For a moment, I want to cry, too.
“We aren’t getting him?”
I almost laugh at how quickly he switches from calling the dinosaur an it to a he . Like in the minute since he realized it was a thing he could have, he’s created a whole backstory and personality for it.
“We are. But we’re going to need a cart.”
With my luck, I’m going to have to find a way to not make that dinosaur seasonal, because he’s going to throw a fit when I try to pack it away after the holidays.
***
I’m impressed by Niko’s ability to stay out of the way as I work another spike into the ground, shoulders aching from the effort of making sure each one is planted so it can keep the inflatable in place.
I’m about to call him over to help me turn on the electric pump when we both spot Andrei’s car rolling into the driveway.
Niko waits by the patio, bouncing on his feet until the car turns off, only then sprinting toward it, arms wide and voice loud as he launches himself into Andrei’s arms. His mouth works hard to keep up with his brain as he regurgitates everything that happened while Andrei was out.
I almost laugh at Andrei’s bewildered face as he half listens, looking across the yard at the new additions.
Two of our new decorations are positioned face-to-face, grinning at each other just like Niko wanted.
Two more are on either side of the mailbox, keeping watch for passersby.
One is set up half behind the tree as if it’s hiding, and when I turn on the pump, the last one will be set up near the patio, ready to greet anyone who happens to stop by.
They’re ridiculous, but seeing Niko’s excitement for each one is worth it. I can’t wait to see what they look like after the sun goes down.
Andrei holds Niko’s hand as they head toward the door, and I fiddle with the cuff of my sweater, unease curling down my spine. Andrei won’t make a scene in front of Nikolai, but what if he hates them?
I won’t let him throw them out, and part of me knows he won’t make a fuss over something as minor as what the yard looks like.
But the worry still persists.
“Is she ready yet, Mama?”
I tug on the spike, making sure that it’s secure in the ground before I nod, Niko’s smile bright in the fading sunlight. “Seems like it. You want to turn on the fan?” He runs beside me, eagerly pressing the button and backing off so he can watch as it fills with air.
It’s identical to the other five, but you wouldn’t know it from looking at him. He’s talked my ear off the whole time we’ve been in the yard, telling me all about each one, and what they think about the others in the yard.
Apparently, this one is named Ana, and she doesn’t play well with the others.
Andrei waits patiently until it’s standing at attention. It’s a little lopsided, but otherwise it’s a bright and cheery addition to the yard. We just need to wait for snow to complete the look. Only when Niko’s giggling to himself does Andrei crouch down.
“Why don’t you go get cleaned up while I talk to your mama?” he tells him. The anxiety comes back before Niko is even up the stairs, tightening my stomach. “We’ll join you in a bit. Then you can introduce me to your new dino armada.”
I want to call Niko back and keep him glued to my side so that Andrei doesn’t say anything untoward about our new lawn decorations.
He was kind enough when I painted the door, even though I’m sure he would’ve picked virtually any other color, but what if this crosses a line that I didn’t know existed?
“Please tell me these are the only ones you bought.”
He sounds resigned, and the tension in my spine notches even tighter.
“The store only had six, so,” I shrug. “I was only going to get two, but then Niko asked if the others were going to miss their friends. And he’s only going to be little once, you know? So, we bought all of them.”
He nods, rolling his neck.
“Thank fuck. Were they a pain to get set up?”
He doesn’t look mad. He looks more curious than anything else. “It wasn’t that bad. They’re short, so I didn’t have to work too hard to get them secure. Why?”
“I, uh, might have bought a blow-up T. rex from a store across town.” He looks like he’s awaiting a scolding, and I almost laugh.
“And I was hoping you could help me set it up after he goes to bed on Christmas Eve so we can tell him that Santa brought it. But if you’ve already bought one, I’ll need to return it.
And if I have to deal with another store before the new year, I’m going to get arrested for assault. ”
Unable to help myself, I laugh. I fall out of my crouch, laughing as I sit on the cold ground.
“Well, if you do, I’ll make sure to pay your bail.”
“If you would, I’d appreciate it. I really don’t want to miss Christmas.”
God, Andrei’s sweet. He’s such a good husband. He’s incredible with Niko. And I’m so glad that I get to keep him. Because every time I think I can’t love this man more, he does something like this. He’s so thoughtful and caring that I feel like I’m going to melt.
I love him. I love the way he loves Niko. I love the way he waltzed into our lives and didn’t give us a choice but to let him love and take care of us.
He sits next to me, pulling me into his arms until my laughter dies down .
“I love you,” I say as I rest my head against his chest.
“I love you too, zolotse .”
His heartbeat is steady under my ear, echoing my own as it sings for him.
“I have to tell you something,” I admit, trying to focus on his heart until it drowns out my anxiety.
“What’s that?”
“My period’s late.”
He freezes, arms squeezing tighter as he cages me against him. “What?”
“I picked up a few pregnancy tests. But I wanted to tell you before I took them.”
We haven’t talked about having more kids. I’d like more, eventually, and he’s never even blinked when it comes to taking care of Niko, but I don’t know how he’d feel about having one now . We haven’t been married long. And so many things are still up in the air as far as his work goes, but still.
I didn’t rush into marrying him with bright, shiny hopes, but being with Andrei feels like a task that I’m willing to take on.
Not just willing, but excited for. I’m not under any illusion that being with him is going to be a walk in the park, or that we’ll never have rough patches, but I want to be with him. I want to work through those things.
And I hope that he might think this is a good thing, too .
“You’re going to have my baby?”
“Maybe. I don’t know for sure, but…” I shrug, stomach flipping with tenuous excitement.
“I might be.” He presses his lips against my hair, holding me tight against his chest. “Would that be okay? If we had a baby?” He pulls back, twisting me until I’m looking at the awestruck expression on his face.
“Blair, I’d fucking love that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
We’re smiling as we kiss, laughing when Niko comes back outside to whine impatiently, asking when dinner’s going to be ready.
My relationship with Andrei might not have started in the typical way, but I wouldn’t change this moment for the world.