Chapter 15 #2
Great. Now she thinks she had something gross hanging from her nose. “It was just a piece of fluff,” I lie again, because that’s what lying does—it makes you add more lies to cover the first lies, until you’ve buried yourself in them.
But since I’ve already started digging …
“Actually, it’s still there,” I say, my heart hammering. “Let me get it for you.”
I reach across the table, my fingers itching to be reunited with her face, my pulse loud enough to drown out the elevator music piping over the diner speakers.
I put my bottom two fingers on her soft cheek and then use my thumb and forefinger to swipe an imaginary piece of fuzz from the corner of her lips. Her breath catches, stoking the ashes in my belly back into a blazing fire.
My hands move slower than they should across her silky skin, but she’s not protesting. When my brain finally convinces my body to obey, I pull my hand away and make a show of dropping the imaginary lint.
“Got it.” My voice is too husky, and Poppy’s eyes are glued to mine … until they jump down to my mouth—
“I’m gonna use the little girl’s room,” she says, springing from the booth.
We both just used the facilities, and I’m not sure if that knowledge should put a smirk on my face or make me feel guilty.
But why would I feel guilty?
A minute later, a message buzzes on my phone. It’s from Grace.
The guilt thickens until my heart feels like it’s pumping in Jell-O. I open the message, and the Jell-O holding my heart in place vanishes. It drops like a stone.
GracieLou
Hey, no pressure, but would you ever want to meet up IRL?
What the—?
She’s online right now. She can see I’m online right now. There’s no way for me to get around this.
What do I say? Do I tell her the truth? What is the truth? I’m a train wreck wrapped in a snarky, cranky athlete’s body. I’m a dark cloud of gloom who’ll rain on every parade, ruining even the brightest day?
Online, it’s easy to dismiss. In person, not so much.
Take Poppy. She’s like a balloon I keep popping, and she just fills back up again so I can pop her all over.
But Grace is …
Similar, actually. Balanced, kind, good.
She’s been my closest friend for months—the only person I’ve really opened up to. We’ve debated different sentences and outcomes for days on end. Her fairness, her curiosity, her openness and patience—they all drive me crazy half the time, yet I appreciate them more than I can say.
She has everything I’d want in someone—if I were willing to take the plunge. If I knew there’d be chemistry, not just compatibility. If I were ready to take friendship beyond a screen and risk finding out if there’s more.
Is there? Could there be?
I’ve been wondering this for months but haven’t been brave enough to find out.
And it doesn’t help that my thumbs are still tingling from touching Poppy’s face.
I stare at the message.
A week ago, I would’ve said no immediately, would’ve made an excuse about being busy, about keeping things online, about not being ready.
But Poppy’s made me want ... more. Made me think maybe I could let someone in.
I glance at the empty space across from me, where Poppy will be any minute.
Grace is comfortable. Known, yet distant.
Poppy is here. Tangible and impossible to ignore.
And I’ve been flirting with her. Just a minute ago, with the fake lint on her face. The way I called mustard “gross,” mostly to see her eyes flash. All the teasing.
Why am I doing this? Why am I leaning into thoughts of Poppy when Grace just asked if we should finally meet?
Maybe because Poppy makes me want to try.
Makes me think I’m more than a lost cause.
And Grace … Grace deserves better than someone who’s falling for someone else before we could even find out if there’s anything between us.
I type:
GreenArrow11
Where is this coming from?
GracieLou
I’ve been thinking about it. We’ve been talking for a long time now. Don’t you ever wonder?
GreenArrow11
Wonder, sure, but I’m not good at this. The real me is harder to take than the online version.
GracieLou
You’re too hard on yourself.
GreenArrow11
I’m really not.
GracieLou
…
Forget I said anything. :)
GreenArrow11
That’s not what I’m saying
I don’t know what I’m saying.
Can you give me a couple of days to think about it?
GracieLou
Of course. No pressure, Arrow. Your friendship means the world to me.
Two days. Columbus tonight, Rochester tomorrow. Two days to figure out what this is with Poppy—if we can keep going after we reach our destination.
Then I’ll know what to tell Grace.
That’s fair. That’s reasonable, right?
You know it’s neither.
“Here you go, hon,” the server says.
I jerk my eyes from Grace’s message to see the server set two plates on the table. “Thanks.”
“Your girlfriend okay? I saw her run to the restroom. She’s been gone a while. Want me to check on her?”
Shoot, it has been a while. And I’ve been stewing over Grace when I should have been wondering about Poppy. “Oh, uh, no. I’m sure she’s fine.”
She eyes my phone wryly. “Suppose she’ll text if she needs something.”
“Yeah. Right,” I say, even though she’ll do no such thing. We never swapped numbers. Why would we?
I stuff a fry in my mouth and return to Grace’s message. She’s still online. And I still have no clue what to do with that.