CHAPTER THIRTEEN | Ben
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ben
B en exhaled and nodded at his computer screen, pleased with a job well done. He had just finished helping Kelly finalize her plans for the video game she wanted to present to their supervisor. Gameplay elements, hardware requirements, and a rough design for the different worlds that would be possible if Camelot decided to pick up her game, Huntress were ready to go . If everything went according to her plan, Kelly’s game would be next on their docket, only this time the two of them would be leads.
The thought of being in charge of a whole team still caused Ben a little apprehension, but he would no longer break out in a cold sweat when he imagined what it would be like to be the decision-maker. He attributed some of this to his being far more social lately, having attended another virtual happy hour with his coworkers last week. Ben hadn’t made so much progress that he could be considered the life of the party, but he didn’t stay silent the entire time either, making the occasional observation and asking his coworker, Omar, how his husband was doing. The man looked positively shocked that Ben had not only remembered he had a significant other, but that he asked about him by name.
When the evening had finally ended, Ben felt almost as relaxed as he would have if he had stuck to his typical Friday night routine of ordering a pizza and watching a movie. Ben had even had Henry over for gaming the next night, and it only took him a few hours to recharge his social battery on Sunday. He was proud of himself, and while he knew he deserved most of the credit, he also realized that a lot of his ease around others was because of the time he’d spent with Holly. Every time they were together, he felt lighter, settled in his own body, and open to exploring other possibilities.
Ben had been pretty amazed that he had been able to flirt with her so easily. A wide smile came across his face as he remembered how flustered she got anytime he would make a sly remark or get close to her. Though, Holly hadn’t been flustered at all when she went in for that kiss, nor when they had gone slightly further back at her place. Ben exhaled and shifted in his seat as he remembered the way her soft lips felt against his own, how her tongue had eagerly explored his mouth, and just how right she felt in his arms—and underneath his body.
When she’d stiffened like a board, however, all her bravado seemed to melt away, taking his arousal along with it. Ben never wanted Holly to feel uncomfortable with him, and if taking things slowly physically as well as emotionally kept her near him, he was more than happy with the arrangement. Ben wanted something real and lasting with her, not just a quick hook-up to satisfy their baser urges, and while Henry coming home had been ill-timed, it was also a good reminder of how to handle things.
Ben gave Holly and himself some space by leaving, but he still felt the need to talk to her the moment he got home.
Ben: Have you thought of your band name yet? I’m thinking Atomic Sunshine.
Ben was already smiling when three dots started bouncing on his screen.
Holly: I like it. It sounds a lot better than what I came up with.
When no other text came through, Ben nudged her, wanting to hear everything she had to say, no matter how silly or seemingly insignificant.
Ben: Don’t keep me hanging in suspense.
Holly: Fine. Don’t laugh, but I was going with Glitter Puppies. Like a girly pop band where we all have hair a different color of the rainbow and wear sparkly outfits.
Chest rumbling with laughter at the image of Holly with bright pink hair and a skirt shining in sequins, Ben eagerly typed out his reply.
Ben: I like it. Sounds very you.
Holly: Thank you. Shall we keep our getting to know you game going?
Their texting lasted long into the night, Ben discovering that the two of them actually had a surprising amount of likes and dislikes in common. They both enjoyed watching baseball, though Holly was less pleased about that once he mentioned he was a Yankees fan. They went back and forth for a while about which team was better, the Yankees or the Sox, before finally agreeing to disagree. Once they had put that argument to bed, they discovered they also both appreciated a good nature hike, combat video games, and action movies, though Holly admitted to enjoying them mostly for the romantic subplot.
Despite that last memory being a slightly unpleasant one, it had been a wonderful night, and as he lay in his bed and replayed every interaction from that day in his mind, he kept coming back to one thing, their first kiss and the look in Holly’s eyes when it was over. It was an image that would stay with him for a long time. Her expression had been blissful, and her bright, blue eyes seemed to be filled with a kind of intense affection, almost a look of love. Of course, it was way too soon for that. Wasn’t it?
Ben wasn’t sure what name he would put to his feelings for Holly, only that they were powerful and now that he had them, he didn’t want them to ever go away. Every time he thought about her, texted her, or chatted with her over the phone at night, a warm feeling would settle in his chest and he felt more at peace than he had in his whole life. If that was what love felt like, then Ben was falling hard and fast.
His phone chimed and he grabbed it off the desk, hoping it was the woman he had just been thinking about and smiling when he saw a notification with her name on it.
Holly: Hey, handsome. Remember to be at the bakery at four o’clock today for the cake tasting. Can’t wait to see you! xx
Ben’s grin widened at the nickname she had thrown around the last few times they talked. Ben knew he was an all right looking guy, but he didn’t think he was anything super special. If she wanted to call him handsome though, he wasn’t going to stop her, and with as anxious as he had felt all of his life, he could certainly use the ego boost. Glancing at the clock, Ben cheered internally at having just enough time for a quick shower.
Ben: I’ll be there, sunshine. Can’t wait to see you, either.
Ben logged off his computer, grateful for his flexible work hours, and made the short walk from his home office over to his master bathroom for a quick clean up, not wanting to miss a moment with Holly but still wanting to look his best for her. After toweling off and dressing in dark wash jeans and a charcoal gray Henley, he idly wondered if his mom would pick up on the new dynamic between him and her wedding planner.
As he styled his hair, he ultimately decided that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if she did, though she would have them married off and with three kids in the next four years. Ben stilled at that thought and looked at himself in the mirror, expecting to see panic. Instead, he was surprised to see serenity in its place. He looked almost happy at the idea, and as he stared at himself, he also realized he’d started dressing more comfortably around Holly, too. Huh. She’d somehow wiggled her way past his usual defenses and he wasn’t even mad about it.
As the sense of his new reality settled over him like a warm blanket, Ben hummed happily to himself as he slipped on his sneakers and jacket before heading out to his SUV. The drive to Baker’s Bakeshop wasn’t a long one, and before he knew it, he was pulling into the back parking lot, exiting his vehicle at the same time his mom exited her sedan. She looked as happy as she always did, but also a bit tired. Her usual bright expression was subdued, and her brown eyes were turned down at the corners, light purple shadows underneath.
When she stepped up to Ben, she let out a heavy sigh as she gave him a hug. “Hey, Benny. It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too, mom.” Ben hugged her tightly and for the first time in his life, he felt how frail his mom actually was. She had always been petite, but her personality was so formidable that you never really noticed her being anything but larger than life. Today, however, she looked her age and seemed weary. Ben kissed the top of her head and pulled back, looking at her with concern. “Everything okay?”
She waved off his query and strode toward the front of the bakery. “Oh, yes. Everything is fine. There were just a couple of real tough ones today is all. Three root canals and an embedded tooth extraction are enough to exhaust even a seasoned veteran like me.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Ben could tell she was holding something back.
“Where’s Marvin?” he asked as they approached the bakery door.
His mom’s smile faltered slightly, but she tried to recover it as best she could. “Oh, you know Marvin. He’s not much for the details.” The scowl that was like an old sweater, comfortable and familiar, pulled across his face. Ben was starting to think Marvin wasn’t much for the actual wedding either and opened his mouth to say as much, but his mom stopped him with a hand on his forearm. “Leave it, Benny. Just this once, please.”
Ben nodded curtly and opened the door for his mom, wanting to talk to her about her absentee fiancé, but she was clearly not in the mood for him to rain on her parade. They would need to talk soon though, and Ben had the sinking feeling he would be comforting her after another broken relationship. Better to head this thing off at the pass before it went too far, though the fact that they were at a cake tasting meant it had probably already gotten past that point.
Ben sighed when he thought about the serious conversation they would be having. It was one he definitely wasn’t looking forward to, and he tried to put that aside for the moment as he looked around the bakery, taking in the light blue walls and the cinnamon sugar smell. It was cozy and inviting, much like the people who owned it. Ben had only met Henry and Holly thus far, but he was certain the rest of their family were just as friendly and welcoming.
A woman stepped through the door that must lead back to the kitchen and smiled at Ben and his mother. As she stepped closer, Ben took in her appearance and noticed she looked like a miniature version of Holly, only with lighter hair and dark brown eyes.
“Hi, you must be Trish. I’m Hailey Baker, and I’ll be in charge of the cake.” She chuckled lightly, shaking her head in a similar manner Holly did when she felt embarrassed. “That is, if you like the samples and designs.”
“I’m sure I will love both, dear.” His mom had always been good at reassuring people, and from the smile on Hailey’s face, she still was.
Hailey reached over to shake Ben’s hand with a mischievous gleam in her eye. “And you must be Ben.” She looked at him appraisingly, squinting her eyes and studying him long enough that he started to shift uncomfortably. “Hmm. So, you think you’re good enough, huh?” The moxie she displayed was enough to pop the bubble of insecurity that had formed in his chest and he chuckled, noticing his mom looking confused, but slightly amused as well. He started to address Hailey’s question, but was interrupted when Holly burst through the kitchen door.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Holly exclaimed as she rounded the counter before coming to a halt in front of them.
Her hair was swept into a high ponytail and she wore a long-sleeved dress that hugged her frame nicely. Ben tried to keep his eyes from raking over her body since he was in front of both his mom and her sister, but he’s not sure he managed it. Not only was every curve on display, but so was a good amount of her alabaster skin. He’d felt that skin underneath his fingers, relished the softness of it, and he wanted to do it again.
Holly greeted his mom with a hug. “Sorry, I’m late. My last call went a little longer than I thought it would.” She pulled back from his mom and stepped over to him, but he could sense her hesitation at not knowing how to greet him.
Ben didn’t like that one bit and grabbed her hand before pulling her into a hug. “It’s good to see you, Holly.” Her body relaxed in his arms, and he snuck a quick kiss on her cheek while his mom and Hailey weren’t looking.
Holly stepped back and smiled shyly, her cheeks rosy. “Um, thanks. You look good, too. I-I mean good to see you, too,” she stammered before rolling her eyes at herself.
“Smooth,” Hailey whispered loudly to her sister and Holly shoved her lightly while still smiling brightly at her client.
“Trish, Ben, why don’t we have a seat and go through the cake design book while Hailey puts together the samples.” She pushed her sister back toward the kitchen and Ben couldn’t help but laugh at the sisters as Holly turned to steer both him and his mom over to a table in the corner, placing a large binder down in front of them. “Here are just a few examples of the wedding cakes Hailey has made over the years, including all the modern techniques that you may want to utilize.”
Holly sat down next to his mom, smoothing her hands over her dress before she did so. Holly always looked very put together, but she was still slightly flustered around Ben. It was flattering, seeing her affected by him. He may not be as outwardly discombobulated, but she had him tied up in knots with desires and wants he hadn’t thought himself capable of.
As he watched Holly and his mom flip through the designs, the fact that they seemed to get along so well fully sank in. They were a lot alike, both boasting sunny personalities and an obsession with romance, and the more he compared the two women, the larger the tiny pit of worry that was always present in his stomach seemed to grow. Hopefully Holly wasn’t as eager to hop from relationship to relationship as his mother was. She didn’t seem like the type, but Ben had thought people were going to stick it out with him before only to have them leave.
His face must have reflected his inner turmoil because the next time he looked over at the two women, Holly wasn’t looking at the design book, but was studying his face, regarding him carefully. “ You, okay?” she mouthed to him. He did his best to push aside the bleak thoughts that had started to creep in and nodded at her. She didn’t look convinced, but it wasn’t as if they could have a conversation about it while his mom was right there.
A few minutes later, Hailey was back with a tray containing various cake and filling samples. “Here we are,” she said brightly as she placed the tray in front of them. “Now, Holly is experienced enough with this stuff to take you through each flavor and filling combination and answer any questions you might have.” She hooked a thumb over her shoulder. “I’ll be in the back working on another project so you can speak freely. Call me back out if there are any questions Holly can’t answer.” Hailey lightly touched her hand to Holly’s shoulder, the two seeming to have some sort of silent conversation, before Hailey disappeared into the kitchen once more.
Holly scooted in her chair and handed them each a fork. “Okay. The wedding is in May, so you could go with some of the more springtime themed flavors,” she said before explaining the different cakes to both him and his mom. She then gestured toward a few chocolate cakes samples. “Or, you could always go with a known crowd pleaser. You can also do different cakes for different layers if you like, but I think the guest count is small enough that you could get away with just one flavor if you want to save money. Whatever way you go, it will taste amazing.”
Holly smiled and watched as he and his mom dug into the different cake layers and fillings. She was correct in that each one was delicious, but if it was his wedding cake, he would have to go with the chocolate cake with a chocolate truffle filling. It was decadent, but it was so good that Ben thought about maybe buying himself a birthday cake this year just to have a whole one to himself. Ben leaned back and groaned, his stomach a little too full of sugar, but he wasn’t going to complain.
While he digested, his mom put down her fork, a puzzled expression moving over her face. “Did you have any thoughts, Trish?” Holly prompted her, looking a little concerned at his mother’s expression.
His mom laughed lightly, but it was forced. “Oh, they’re all just so good I’m not sure I’ll be able to decide.”
Holly leaned in to his mom and lowered her voice. “If you want to go with another bakery, it’s okay. I certainly won’t be offended and neither will Hailey. It’s your wedding day and it should be as magical as possible,” she told his mom.
Ben saw his mom’s eyes get a little glassy before she blinked away the emotion. “It isn’t that, sweetheart,” she told Holly, patting her hand. “I really just seem to be having a hard time making a decision today.”
Holly gave his mom’s hand a squeeze. “There’s no rush. You definitely don’t have to decide today.” She glanced back at the kitchen for a moment before returning her gaze to his mom, her perpetual cheeriness once again on display. “In fact, if you want, I can put together a box of all the samples and you can take them home to Marvin so he can try some, too.”
“That sounds lovely, dear. Thank you.” Holly nodded, her smile falling slightly as she shot a worried glance toward Ben before standing up and heading to the kitchen.
Ben turned toward his mom and rubbed her back. “Okay, mom. Spill it.” She may not have wanted to talk earlier, but clearly something was bothering her enough to disrupt her day.
She sighed, but leaned into his comforting touch. “It’s nothing, Benny, I swear. Things have just been a little strained between Marvin and me lately. I’m sure it’s just the stress of the wedding planning.”
Ben scoffed at his mom making excuses for a man who didn’t deserve any. “What stress? As far as I can tell he hasn’t done one thing to help you with the planning. Does he even still want to get married?”
Ben’s mom pulled away from him, her brow furrowed. “How can you ask that?”
Memories from his childhood flooded his mind, the ones of her crying over another failed relationship at the forefront. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time things didn’t work out for you,” he muttered, wincing as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He had been making such good progress, but grumpy, cynical Ben had made a reappearance at the worst possible time.
Pushing back from the table, his mom stood and put on her coat. She was silent, but her movements were jerky, her emotions on display even if she wouldn’t put voice to them. “I know that my past has burned you as much as it has me, but it would be nice if you didn’t always fixate on the negative.” She walked over to where Holly had emerged with a bakery box tied up with string. “Thank you for the samples, Holly. I’ll call you when I’ve made a decision.” His mother barely spared him a glance as she strode out the door in a hurry.
Holly approached him, her steps hesitant. “What was that all about?” she asked him, gingerly touching her hand to his shoulder.
Ben placed his hand over hers and squeezed it, needing her to ground him when he was in danger of spiraling into another session where he berated himself for who he was. “Oh, that was just the result of me being me,” he said with little humor in his voice. He’d hardly ever spoken to his mom like that before, so he shouldn’t have been surprised that she reacted that way. Still, it stung a little to hear her call him out on his pessimism. She had always been the one person to overlook that particular flaw, but it seemed even she was getting tired of it.
Holly sat in the now unoccupied chair next to him and took his hands in hers, her gaze the only thing keeping a massive wall of shame from crashing down on him. “Hey.” Her voice was calm and soothing, and the sympathetic smile she bestowed upon him pulled him back from the edge of self-ridicule. “I like you being you.”
Ben smiled wryly at her comment, enjoying the fact that she was trying to cheer him up while still having a hard time fully believing her. “Well, you’d be the first.”
Holly sighed, but shockingly, not with exasperation. She stood, tugging his hands until he was standing too. She wrapped her arms around him, gently resting her head on his shoulder as she held him tight. Ben’s eyes prickled and he blinked away the moisture that had started to gather there. He’d made a mistake in how he’d spoken to his mom, but Holly wasn’t pointing that out, wasn’t teasing or giving up on him. She really was the most amazing woman.
Mirroring her position, Ben returned the hug, squeezing her as tightly as he dared without hurting her. “What are you doing?” he asked her, his voice thick with emotion.
“I thought you could use a hug.” She held him tighter and smiled up at him, the brightness of it breaking through the last of the storm clouds he’d summoned. “I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’ve been told I give pretty good ones.”
Ben leaned down, resting his forehead against hers. “Thanks, sunshine.”
They stayed that way for a long moment, Ben enjoying the solace he found in her arms and the feeling of being bathed in warmth. After glancing at the kitchen and not seeing her sister anywhere in sight, Ben slanted his lips over hers in a gentle kiss. Well, it started gently enough, but Holly had other ideas as she moved her hands from his back up into his hair, nipping at his lower lip. He opened obligingly, tasting sweet mint and reveling in the flavor of her as they continued to explore.
Ben moved his hands to her lower back and pulled her up against him, enjoying the feel of her soft body against his while hoping the stiffness in his pants wouldn’t scare her off. Holly Baker could kiss, and he was far more aroused than he had any right to be while standing in the middle of a bakery. After a few minutes spent devouring one another, they parted, panting and smiling giddily like teenagers. Holly was an excellent distraction, but now that they were no longer kissing, his shame started to creep back in.
Holly either sensed this or saw it on his face because she shook him a little while still holding on tightly to him. “Hey, none of that, okay. I’m sure whatever happened between you and your mom can be fixed.”
Ben groaned at the memory of his mother’s pained expression. “Ugh, I hope so. I kind of stuck my foot in my mouth a bit, and I think I hurt her feelings.” He rubbed Holly’s back as they continued to hold one another, wanting her close to help keep his anxiety at bay. “I’m just worried she’s going to get hurt again.”
Holly nodded, her eyes filled with trepidation. “Yeah, I’m not loving how Marvin has been MIA for all of the planning. It’s not the first time I’ve dealt with an absentee groom, but it’s definitely not the norm.” She bit on her bottom lip and Ben momentarily thought about going in for another taste to distract himself, but he wanted to be able to be open with her, too.
“Do you really think the wedding might not happen?”
He shrugged a shoulder, trying to lean into optimism and finding it very difficult in this situation. “I don’t have a good feeling about it, but that’s kind of my normal line of thinking, you know?”
“I get it. I tend to look at the world through rose colored glasses, but even I’m getting a bad feeling about it.” She leaned her head on his shoulder once again, snuggling into him like he was her own personal teddy bear. “Here’s the thing, though. Your mom doesn’t need someone telling her that something might not work out, she just needs support as she navigates all of the wedding madness. It might end well or it might end in disaster, but at the end of the day, she’s still going to be your mom, right? I know it might be hard, but maybe you can try to suspend disbelief for a little bit.”
Ben rested the side of his cheek atop her head, wondering if that were even possible. “That might be kind of a tall order for me, sunshine.” He was used to seeing what was in front of him and thinking of all the ways it could go bad. Although, he had been able to start to see a future with Holly, so maybe he wasn’t totally hopeless after all.
Holly’s eyes sparkled as she looked up at him. “I believe in you.” Her smile turned sly as she stared at him. “Just think of it as one of your video games. You have to get your mom to the altar, and even though there are obstacles on the way, it will be worth it to build your novice level people skills.”
“Har-har, little miss.” He pinched her side before starting to tickle her and she squirmed against him while she laughed. Ben didn’t normally enjoy teasing, but if the result was Holly’s melodious voice ringing out through the bakery, he could take it on the chin. Besides, he knew her now, and there was never any malicious intent with Holly.
After she had settled back down, she sighed happily. “I know you like to think of yourself as some grumpy guy who can’t talk to others, but that’s not how I see you.”
Her words stirred something deep within him, something he couldn’t name or wasn’t yet ready to. “And how do you see me, Holly?” Ben was genuinely curious to know what she thought of him. There was undoubtedly an attraction between them, and it had started to seem like she was caring for him beyond that, but it would be nice to have an admission of that from her instead of him just guessing.
Holly’s eyes narrowed in thought and she tilted her head, really looking at him and smiling shyly before answering his question. “I see someone who may not be the most comfortable with others, but who tries his hardest and is far better at it than he thinks. You can be gruff, yes, but you’re also strong, and I can tell that you feel things deeply. You care about other people’s opinions, even though you pretend not to, and you show people you care in all kinds of ways. That’s what I see when I look at you.” Her smile widened and she smirked. “You’re also crazy good-looking.”
He barked a laugh and her smile widened even further than he thought possible. She really was sunshine personified, and Ben knew he would do whatever it took to keep that bright smile on her face.