22. Cecelia #2
“It feels like a lot,” I blurt out. “Inviting him to a family thing. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks. And we’re not even technically dating because no one from school can know. So should I really be dragging this guy to a Ransome family event already?”
Vi studies me. “Why do you sound panicky about this all of a sudden?”
“I’m not panicking,” I say, then realize I’m still pulling at the hoodie sleeves. I might not be panicking, but I’m definitely agitated. I force myself to relax my hands. “I just don’t want to overwhelm him. Our family can be a lot.”
“Understatement,” Vega mutters. Then she brightens. “But I honestly don’t think it’s going to be a huge crowd. Everly and Bodhi can’t come. Fox and June are out of town, and Rose still isn’t home. I’m pretty sure I heard River and Jas are staying in.”
So not as many cousins. That helps. But there’s still the fact that my brothers will be there. And four of the most famous musicians in the country.
“He’ll meet your dad and the uncles eventually, right?” Vi asks, reading my mind. “I mean, you guys are already pretty serious.”
I don’t answer. I’m not quite sure how to explain my hesitation. It’s not that I don’t want Sol to meet the family—though preferably it would happen in small doses.
“Is that what you’re worried about?” Vega asks shrewdly. “You think it’s going too fast?”
That guilt that I had been thinking about earlier hits me again. “Bringing him around the family might stress him out,” I say. “And it’s also…” I rub a hand across my face, feeling ridiculous. “I don’t know. I’m so happy with him—”
“We can tell,” Vega says encouragingly.
“But it’s also a big change.” I meet Violet’s eye and I can see the minute she clocks it. Vi has always been inconveniently perceptive.
“Ah,” she says, nodding.
“What do you mean, ah?” Vega asks, looking between the two of us.
“CeCe wasn’t expecting to be the first,” Vi says knowingly.
“The first what?” Vega asks, annoyed now.
“The first one of us to fall in love.”
I open my mouth to argue with her, then close it again. Now that she’s said it out loud, I’m realizing she’s not that far from the truth. And it kind of explains the whole guilt issue I’ve been feeling.
People have always said that the five of us are co-dependent.
Our family rarely refers to us as individuals, always calling us the Littles, like we’re a single entity.
I think every one of us has lost a friend or a romantic interest at some point because they got fed up with how reliant we are on each other.
There’s truth to that, I know. We probably are co-dependent.
It didn’t escape anyone’s attention that Vega gave up an opportunity to study pastry in Paris after high school graduation just so she could come to school with us here.
We also didn’t try all that hard to convince her to go.
I don’t know how we would have functioned over the last three years without her. It would have felt like missing a limb.
“Oh,” Vega says softly, understanding.
I always figured some guy would come along and realize how gorgeous Violet is, how funny and kind and amazing. Or some artsy chick in one of Ash’s classes would fall head over heels for his whole broody, poet vibe.
Vega has obviously been in love with her rival, the guy who beat her on that kid’s baking show years ago, but we’re not allowed to mention his name. Still, I figured one day they’d realize they like each other way more than they hate each other and end up in a relationship.
Hell, I even thought it might be possible that some weirdo would come along who actually found Cade charming.
But this wasn’t supposed to be something that happened to me.
My life has been mapped out since I was a kid.
I was supposed to put all my energy into soccer until I made the national team.
I was supposed to go to the Olympics and the World Cup and retire as one of the greats.
Maybe then I’d think about finding some guy to spend more than a couple nights with.
Being a soccer player is as much a part of my identity as being a Ransome.
And I’ve always loved being a Ransome. I’ve loved being one of the Littles.
These four people have been with me my entire life, and I never felt like I needed something different.
We’ve always had friends outside of this small circle, but no one who really made an impact. No one who stuck the same way we do.
Falling for Solomon feels like I’m putting this thing the five of us have in danger, somehow. It feels like I’m leaving them, and I suddenly want to cry.
“Hey,” Vega says reaching for my hand. “Having a boyfriend doesn’t mean that anything has to change.”
“Doesn’t it though?” I ask. “I mean, it’s always been the five of us.”
“And it always will be,” Vi says fiercely. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t be more than five.”
“We really like Sol,” Vega says, squeezing my hand. “No one is disappointed when he’s around.”
“I know,” I tell her, and it’s the truth. My cousins have been nothing but welcoming and nice to him. “It’s just…different.”
“And different can be hard,” Vi agrees.
Before I can answer, I hear Cade’s voice. “They’re over here,” he calls. I look up to see Cade making his way across the commons to us, Ash, Jay, and Solomon behind him.
I immediately grin—Sol is totally carrying a Dr. Pepper for me. But then I watch as Ash turns to say something to him and the two of them laugh, and something warm slips into my chest.
He looks comfortable with them. I know that isn’t always the case for him. Anxiety can be a bitch in social settings. But watching him with my cousins, I can tell that he’s completely at ease.
Maybe Vi is right. Who says there can’t be more than five of us?
Sol slides in next to me, his hand immediately coming to my thigh under the table. He always does this, when we’re in public—makes sure that we’re touching in some way where no one else can see. I feel myself relaxing into him.
“I got your caffeinated sugar water,” he says, setting the Dr. Pepper in front of me.
“Thank you for abandoning your professional standards for me.”
Sol purses his lips. “Just don’t complain to me if you have a sugar crash and can’t get through your drills.”
I snort. “When have I ever not been able to get through my drills?”
He tries to keep his disapproving face on, but I can see the way his lips are fighting to tilt into a grin.
“So what are we talking about, Ransomes?” Jay asks, stealing a slice of my apple from my tray before Sol can slap his hand away.
There’s the slightest hesitation, Vi and Vega both shooting me a questioning look, and I know my cousins are wondering if I want to bring up the concert in front of Sol. Fuck it, I think to myself. I’m not going to lie just because I’m feeling all up in my head about things.
“We’re making plans for a concert this weekend,” I say. “My brother’s band has a tour stop in LA on Saturday.”
“Excuse me,” Cade cuts in. “Your brother’s band? I think my sister is the star of this operation.”
“What about my sister?” Vega cuts in. “Presley is obviously the glue.”
Solomon looks to the twins, like he’s expecting them to chime in next. Ash raises his hands. “Our older siblings were smart enough to leave the music to our parents.”
“This is Ruby Roads you’re talking about?” Jay asks, looking eager. “Man, I loved their debut album.” He shakes his head. “So weird you’re all related.”
Vi looks at me, and I know she’s wondering if I want to invite them. A big part of me does—I would actually really love to introduce Sol to Silas. I feel like out of all of my brothers, the two of them would get along the best. Silas is a little quieter than the rest of us, a little calmer.
But it wouldn’t just be Silas. It would be the whole family. And whatever messy feelings I might be having about my cousins and big changes, there’s a more important issue here—going to this concert would probably be really overwhelming to Sol.
“Oh, speaking of the concert,” Cade says. “My dad is so pissed. I guess they have some premiere in New York—remember that movie soundtrack they got roped into writing a few songs for? It’s releasing the same weekend, so none of the parents are going to make it.”
“Seriously?” Vega asks. “I bet Dad is losing his shit.”
Cade waves her off. “It’s not like they can’t just take the jet to one of the tour stops whenever they want to.”
Sol looks at me with raised eyebrows. “Cecelia,” he says in a calm voice, but I can see the amusement dancing in his eyes. “Does your family own a private jet you’ve never told me about?”