25. Cecelia #3
Sol still looks confused. “Cecelia is the most beautiful name I’ve ever heard in my life. Why would I call her anything else?”
“Oh my God,” Vega sighs. “That’s so freaking sweet.”
“Cecelia,” Cade is saying, his face screwed up in concentration. “Ceceliaaaa. It kind of stops sounding like a real name when you repeat it enough.”
“So stop repeating it,” Vi says. “Jesus, how high are you guys?”
“Pretty high,” Sol says, giving me that boyish grin again, and my heart melts. He’s so cute like this, all loose and relaxed.
“Maybe we should get you home,” I say.
His face lights up. “Are you coming with me?”
“If you want me to.”
He grabs me and pulls me down into his lap, wrapping his arms around me and inhaling deeply. “Definitely want,” he mutters into my hair. “I love it when you stay with me.”
“I’m gonna stop you there, bro,” Silas says, holding up a hand. “I do not need any more information about my sister spending the night.”
Sol pretends to zip his mouth closed and then giggles. Vi meets my eye, looking about as amused as I feel. “Definitely time to head home,” she agrees. “Come on, boys.”
“What about Emery?” I ask, looking back to where I left her and finding the space empty.
Jay holds up his phone. “She said she’s going home with that girl she met.”
Cade sighs. “At least someone is getting lucky tonight.”
“Can I get lucky too?” Sol asks me in a whisper-shout he apparently thinks no one else can hear.
“What happened to zipped lips?” Silas grumbles.
“Let’s just worry about getting you home first,” I tell Sol, hauling him up from his chair.
Silas decides to stay until the rest of the band is ready to leave, but we manage to get Jay, Cade, Ash, and Sol up from their chairs while Vega calls for our drivers to meet us outside.
Jay and Cade seem no worse for the wear, arms slung around each other’s shoulders while they carry on some loud conversation about aliens building the ancient Egyptian pyramids.
Ash isn’t talking much, but he keeps tilting his head back to look at the stars, which causes him to stumble about a dozen times on the short walk to the vehicles.
Sol walks next to me, his posture very carefully straight. I get the impression he’s trying not to let on how blitzed he is. I slip an arm around his middle and he sighs happily, leaning against me so much I nearly stumble.
Sol and I get into the first vehicle with Violet and Jay. I hear Cade and Ash arguing over who has to sit in the back of their SUV before our driver shuts the door behind us.
“This is nice,” Sol says, slumping against me on the back bench seat. “You smell good.”
“Shut up,” Jay groans from the seat in front of us. “I don’t have anyone to cuddle with and it’s not fair.” He looks hopefully at Violet but she just laughs and pats his hand.
“What were you guys talking about that was so funny back there?” she asks. “I could hear you giggling from across the patio.”
They start to explain some convoluted conversation about multi-universe theory but they both start laughing too loud to continue.
“Dude.” Sol leans forward to talk to Jay. He’s using that whisper-shout voice again, and it’s loud enough to be heard by the entire vehicle. “This is so nice.”
“I know,” Jay agrees happily. “Silas has good weed.”
Sol giggles again and I meet Vi’s gaze, grinning.
Then the cheer drops out of Solomon’s voice. “I wish I could always feel like this,” he mutters, slumping back into his seat.
“Like what?” I ask, brushing the hair from his forehead. He’s got his eyes closed now, his head leaning against the window.
“Easy,” he says, sighing. “I feel so easy. I’m not even anxious at all.”
“You’re always anxious,” Jay says, a note of sadness in his voice that stabs me right in the chest. Vi isn’t smiling anymore either.
“I know.” Sol sighs. “It would be so much better to be like this all the time. Not worried. Not weird.” His voice drops, and I wonder how close he is to falling asleep. “Maybe then I would get to keep her.”
Ice trickles into my veins. “Solomon,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. “What are you talking about?”
He sighs again. “Cecelia.” He draws out my name the way Cade did back at the bar. “Such a pretty name.” He yawns. “If I could just be like this all the time…if I wasn’t such a fuck-up, maybe I would get to keep her.”
My eyes find Violet’s in the dark interior of the car. She’s staring at me, her eyes wide, looking shocked and sad—exactly how I feel.
Sol lets out a quiet snore and I turn my gaze to him. He’s got his arms crossed over his chest, like he’s trying to curl up into a ball, his expression relaxed now that he’s sleeping.
Maybe I would get to keep her.
I want to cry, right there in the back seat of the SUV.
I want to wake him up and make him talk to me, figure out a way to reassure him.
To make him realize that I’m not going anywhere.
I want to kill his parents and anyone else who ever made him feel like there was something wrong with him, like he was too fucked up to keep me.
But I can’t do any of those things. So instead, I take his hand and watch him sleep.