Chapter 2
TWO
After the first decent stretch of sleep I’ve had since the summer break started, the first thing I’m aware of as my consciousness kicks in is Harley’s hands on my body.
Then it’s the heat of his skin and the thumping of his heart beneath my ear, lulling me into a hazy stupor until I’m almost tempted to go back to sleep.
Draped over his chest, we’re tangled up in each other until there’s no telling where I end and he begins.
There’s no demands in his actions, either.
He’s just touching me because he can’t keep his hands off of me.
God, I’m almost scared at how much I enjoy it, but there’s no denying that this is possibly the best fucking feeling in the world, and I never want it to end.
Blinking blearily as the sun streams through the cracks in the blinds, I figure it must be at least midday, but I’m in no rush to leave the haven of this bed.
This is the exact reason I worked myself into the ground over the summer in the first place; to clear my schedule so I can spend my time however we want to until the break is over, so I guess this is my reward.
Stretching out my back, I smile as Harley mumbles under his breath appreciatively when the move pushes my ass up toward his hand.
I hum under my breath as if I’m agreeing with him, hoping he understands what I’m saying.
I don’t want to burst the bubble of soft touches and warm skin we’ve somehow found ourselves in.
Outside of this is real life and all of the bad that is still hanging over our heads like an executioner’s sword, but fuck it, all of that can wait.
Every little piece of the intelligence and patience I was priding myself on just last night disappears into thin air, leaving behind a side of me I barely even knew existed; the girl who needs this, needs him, more than I need air.
Seemingly unaware of the descent into madness I’m falling into, Harley smirks at me with the exact smug edge that sets my blood on fire in the best way, as he strokes a hand down my back.
When he reaches the base of my spine, this freaking close to cupping my ass, he moves away instead to start back up between my shoulders again.
I decide he absolutely knows I’m losing my shit and instead of helping out, he’s enjoying pushing me farther over the edge instead.
As I level a glare at him, his smirk only gets wider. “I’m going slow, Mounty, remember? Don’t be greedy.”
It might be the work of his hands, or maybe it’s the decent sleep I’ve finally had after weeks of shit, or, hell, I might have truly lost my mind, but I turn my face into his chest and bite him. Not hard, but enough to get his attention.
He lets out a groan and his voice is all gravel. “Fuck, babe, you start biting me and I will bite you the fuck back.”
There’s a predatory gleam in his eyes that has my toes curling and my eyes slipping shut as they roll back in my head.
I’ve missed him, missed this, missed being Lips and not the Wolf.
Being a normal girl and doing normal shit.
I can’t wait to get the fuck out of this city and away from everything here that just won’t let me go.
When I still can’t bear to break the silence, Harley finally lets out a long breath as he shakes his head at me.
“Last night you were looking at me like you’d rather jump out of the window than touch me, and now you’re all over me, looking like you want to spend the day naked in this bed.
” He pauses for a second, glancing down at me before groaning again at whatever else he sees in my eyes.
“I don’t know what the fuck to do. I’ve wanted you for so fucking long, and I’m not messing this up by pushing you. I need you to tell me what to do.”
Shit.
Swallowing, my own voice is still rough with sleep and more than a little desire. “I didn’t mean to look at you like that last night, it’s just—it’s hard to switch between Lips and the Wolf. I don’t… touch easy. This is new to me.”
Glancing away from him, I clear my throat before I continue, refusing to let this be a thing that we have to tip-toe around later.
“I don’t just mean ‘us’, I mean any sort of physical contact.
Honestly, it took me weeks of being around Avery before I got used to her touching me all the time.
The first time she hugged me, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
And… fuck, I don’t want to talk about this—it’ll only piss you off—but, before Hannaford, I was only ever touched when people were hurting me. ”
His hands tighten a little, like he’s clutching at me and trying to get me away from some threat, but there’s nothing left here for him to save me from; I already did that myself. Still, it’s sweet that it’s his first instinct, and suddenly my heart is racing for a whole different reason.
Clearing my throat, I swiftly change topics. “Why didn't you ever ask me out? If you had been wanting me for as long as you say you have, then why not just tell me?”
He groans at me and rubs his face with one of his big palms for long enough that I sit up a little, propping myself up on his chest until I’m staring down at him.
When my fingers start to trace little patterns on his chest, he finally gives me a look from the corner of his eye and then sighs.
It's weird to see him unsure of himself.
“I was too scared you’d turn me down. I've never asked someone out before, I thought I’d fuck it up.”
A snort bursts out of me, as graceful as ever. “Fuck off. I've seen you blow a load on Annabelle’s face, don't start bullshitting me now, Arbour.”
He smirks at me, probably remembering the intense eye contact in the woodland area while he’d gotten off. “I’m not saying I've never fucked girls before, I’ve hooked up with my fair share. I'm just saying I've never wanted a girl as a… permanent thing.”
A permanent thing. What an eloquent way to describe what we all have now. I stare at him until he groans again and continues.
“Look, I was fucking terrified of how I felt about you.
I still am, if I'm entirely honest. My circle is small for a reason; I don't trust people, and I don't like them.
Then you walked into that fucking school with your head high and mouth running, and I just…
I loved it. I love everything you do; you draw me in, and I can't keep my eyes off you.
I didn't know how to talk to you without you thinking I was just like every other dickhead trying to win that stupid fucking bet.”
Nodding slowly, I rest my head back onto his chest as I let out the breath I was holding.
I’ve spent the entire time we’ve been apart stewing on this…
relationship we now have, but I’m both excited and terrified by it.
I like being a part of the ‘family’. I don’t want jealousy and relationship drama to ruin what we have.
It’s hard to put that into words, but if he’s going to sit here and bare his bullshit to me, then I’m sure as hell going to bite the bullet too.
Steeling myself, my voice is still too thready for my liking but I get the words out well enough. “I still don’t understand how you went from wanting to rip Blaise and Ash’s heads off to not giving a shit about… sharing me.”
He blows out a breath and scrubs his hand over his face again. “It wasn’t about them being with you. It was about whether I would get to have you.”
A second ago, I was worried about the way he was avoiding looking at me, but the tables have turned so fucking quickly that my head is still spinning. I get how he’s feeling. I get it because no amount of torture could make me look him in the eyes right now.
Trying to ignore the way I feel, like I could pass out or puke at any moment, I’m proud when I manage to get out the real question that’s turned my mind inside out all summer.
“You’re saying you want me enough to share me with Ash and Blaise, but doesn’t it piss you off that I want them as well?
What about when it stops being new and fun and shit happens and gets complicated?
Are you sure you’re not going to resent me for dragging you into this? ”
There’s a beat of silence that stretches on a little too long, but I’m still too chicken-shit to look at him and see his reaction.
There’s a part of me that’s absolutely certain he’s about to call time on us, on me, and walk out of here.
Even just the thought of that makes me sick.
There’s no way I’m going to risk searing the image of the rejection on his face into my mind right now.
God, I can barely believe I choked the words out coherently.
It’s only the press of Harley’s lips against my head that stops me from breaking in half.
When he does gently pull away, his movements are slow as he tentatively shifts to sit on the edge of the bed.
He’s still touching me though, a hand resting just above my knee where the blankets were kicked off overnight, so I know he’s not running away from me like I‘m worried about. At least not yet.
When he rolls his shoulders back, I realize he’s psyching himself up.
Avoiding eye contact, sitting up, getting some space.
He’s preparing himself for the worst, so the fall doesn’t kill him.
He’s just as nervous to screw this up as I am.
He might even feel like he’ll die if it goes to hell, just like I do.
That’s how much I mean to him.
I sit up to tuck myself against his back, and when my arms and legs wrap around him, he accepts the embrace easily. The moment I’m settled, his fingers begin to trace the scar on my ruined leg idly. It makes me think of Ash and my chest aches a little.
“I thought you would only pick one of us, and I couldn’t deal with it not being me.”