Chapter 36 #2
“I was thinking he wasn’t leaving without seeing me and I needed to face him. He would’ve killed you if I had brought you guys. It’s fine, I told Illi—”
“We know what you told Illi, who the fuck do you think called us?” Ash snaps, and I glance up to see him staring down at the Jackal, his eyes like dark voids. Luca steps in front of the Jackal’s prone form.
“You can’t kill him. The Twelve will come after the Wolf if you do. There’s a process that needs to be followed,” he says, hands out placatingly.
Ash’s gaze doesn’t waver from his perusal of the Jackal. “The Twelve are choosing sides as we speak and we have Atticus, don’t we? Without this dickhead, we’ll be able to take on the rest.”
Luca shakes his head. “He’s been recruiting.
There are other members who have sided with him.
They don’t like the Crow cleaning things up.
There’s a lot of talk about the Vulture’s business being disbanded.
They’re criminals for a reason; they don’t have morals.
Even the Bear isn’t happy with the skin markets being gone.
He used to sell in them as punishments to his followers.
We have to let him go and do this the right way. ”
Ash sneers at him, and I sigh, stepping in. “He’s right. The Crow can’t defend against nine other members.”
Luca shrugs. “Five. The Jackal has five that have followed him. He’s working on the Boar, but he’s very reluctant to side with him over you.”
I startle. “Over me? Why the fuck would he side with me?”
Luca shrugs again, grabbing his phone and tapping out a text. “We can’t figure that out either. The Jackal is going fucking insane over it, but the Crow can’t find a reason why. He just says it’s a blood thing. Whatever the fuck that means. Bikers are a strange breed.”
I groan. Will anything ever be straightforward and simple?!
“Fine. Take him and drop him off. I’ll call the Crow later and we can… discuss plans.”
Luca nods and grins at me again, swooping down to kiss my cheek and making Harley growl at him like a rabid fucking dog.
“I guess I’ll have to carry him out myself now you’ve incapacitated my men, O’Cronin,” Luca jokes, and Harley snaps at him, “It’s Arbour, dickhead.”
We head back to the room for a debrief and Avery’s hand shakes in mine the whole walk back. I feel awful for not warning her and also a little shocked at how badly this has affected her. I mean, I’ve known all along we’re family now, but to know just how much she cares is still jarring.
Harley won’t stop touching me, clutching at my hand if I move away from his arms, and I think I made a mistake in going down without telling them.
Avery makes us all tea, even though we all said no when she offered to make them, and I clear my throat in an attempt to remove the lump of fear that is still choking me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t wake anyone. I didn’t know Luca was a plant.
I thought I’d have a better chance getting him out of here if I wasn’t worried about him killing one of you. ”
Blaise nods but he’s staring at his feet, refusing to meet my eyes. Fuck.
Ash takes the cup Avery hands him but doesn’t sip it. “There were a lot of options you had, Mounty. This won’t work if you don’t trust us. Not just the relationship, the whole fucking family won’t work if you run off toward the threat to sacrifice yourself at every sign of danger.”
I wince but nod. “I know that. I just… I don’t want him touching any of you.”
Harley’s fingers flex in mine, a reminder of how close we got to losing him far too recently at the hands of the Jackal. Avery gives me a soft look, knowing exactly what I’m thinking.
“Don’t be so harsh. Annabelle drugging Harley did a lot of damage. Lips is barely sleeping now, and she can’t make perfect decisions every time something happens,” she says, and Ash snorts at her.
“I’m not asking for perfect, I’m asking for trust. We all trust you, Mounty. With our lives. Why can’t you trust us with the same?”
Tears prick my eyes, but I refuse to cry. “And if he’d killed you, Ash? What would I do with myself then? Knowing that he did it for me. He thinks I belong to him, even with me telling him it’ll never happen, he doesn’t give a fuck about what I want.”
Ash slams the coffee cup on the table and stalks into the bathroom, closing the door quietly, though it sounds like a deafening bang in the silence of the room.
Harley squeezes my fingers again. “Just tell someone next time. I thought you were dead at the look on Ash’s face when Illi called.”
My gut squeezes again and I pull away, ready to grovel at the bathroom door until Ash forgives me.
The Jackal poisons fucking everything.
Harley stops me and directs me back to bed, undressing me and tucking me in as if I can’t do it myself. It’s only when I end up jammed between Harley and Blaise that I notice how badly I’m shaking. Maybe I wouldn’t have managed undressing.
Avery climbs into her bed, but the glow of her phone confirms she’s not planning on getting any rest. We’re all stuck in the limbo of what-ifs.
What if Luca wasn’t a plant?
What if I had woken them up?
What if I had died?
I startle awake hours later, having not even realized I’d fallen asleep, to Ash sleeping across the bottom of the bed. I’m penned in completely.
“I think he’s worried you’ll run off on him. He’s asked me to put a GPS tracker on your phone,” Avery murmurs, making me jump.
I look over and find her still tapping away on her phone. “I think I fucked up, Aves. I’m really fucking sorry.”
She nods and smiles at me. “I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. Ash will too, he’s just… worried.”
I fight back tears again and nod. When I’m sure I won’t cry, I carefully pull out from between the bodies and crawl over to Ash, curling myself around him.
His eyes fly open the second I touch him but he relaxes back once I’m plastered to him, his arms wrapping me up tight as he kisses the top of my head.
“I’d rather you hate me for going alone than being dead.
I’m sorry I worried you, but I’m not sure I’ll make a different decision next time.
In my mind, I will always be expendable because…
I’ve survived it all before. I can survive it again.
I can’t face that stuff happening to you, and he wouldn’t torture you.
He’d slit your throat and bleed you out in front of me.
He told me that when he called me down to meet him. ”
Ash nods but doesn’t speak. I don’t think he’s forgiven me, not even close, but I know we’ll be okay. At least until something else happens.
“Sorry to interrupt your little make-up session, but Atticus just informed me that we’ve been summoned by Senior. He’s told Atticus he knows about his… plans to keep us separated and he wants to meet with the Wolf,” whispers Avery, and I groan.
There are too many threats in our lives.
I need a week off.