Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
SAM
My sisters were staring at me across the table, matching looks of intrigue on their faces as they both cupped their coffees in their hands.
I’d asked them to meet me before I headed to Washington because I needed their help.
I forgot that being under both their watchful eyes was a little bit terrifying, and now, looking at them, I thought I might back out.
Instead, I took a deep breath.
“I think I need to break up with Dad.”
Neither of them rushed to fill the silence that followed my statement.
“Okay, why?” Charlie broke it.
“Because I’ve realised, or maybe I’ve just finally accepted, that Dad doesn’t necessarily care about me as a person, just as a commodity.”
“Sam,” Charlie said sadly as she rested her hand on my arm where it was resting on the table. Just one word said so much.
“I haven’t always felt like this. It’s been a good set-up for a lot longer than it’s felt like a bad one.
But over the last year and a bit, things have been different.
Everything has felt more relentless. He’s always in pursuit of more.
Better. Greater. It’s tennis or nothing, and up until recently, I’ve been closer to choosing nothing than keeping this up. ”
“Why haven’t you said anything?” Hannah asked. Her tone wasn’t unkind, but it was stern. I focused on my coffee. Still untouched, bubbles popping in the foam.
“It’s stupid. I felt selfish even thinking about complaining. I get to spend all this time with him, and you only get the odd day here or there, and we get the most truncated Christmas celebrations because of my job. What right do I have to complain to you two about that?”
“You have every right to complain about it. Especially if it’s this bad. We’ve never resented you for having Dad with you all the time. If anything, it made the fact that you were travelling the world all year round a bit better because we knew you had someone in your corner,” Hannah said gently.
“So you need to break up with Dad. What does that mean exactly?” Charlie asked.
“That’s why I’ve called you both here today. I know what I need to do, but I don’t know how to do it. And also, I need to time it right.”
Hannah leaned back in her chair. “What aren’t you telling us?”
I finally took a sip of my coffee. It was almost cold, but still a welcome caffeine hit.
“Wyatt Sullivan said he would be my coach if I wanted it. Obviously, he is coaching his sister, but she’s done after next summer, so he’ll be available then.”
They both nodded. It was eerie how they were doing it in the exact same tempo, like mirror images of each other.
“Can you last another year?” Charlie asked.
“I think so. If I know there is an end date, it might be easier to deal with. Plus, I’d do the whole year feeling less like I’m in a bubble and will have at least one person to talk to.”
“Are you talking about Naomi or Wyatt?”
“Both. It’s no coincidence that crossing paths with Naomi is what finally made me confront the problems in my own set-up.
When I first started, I used to cling to the idea that it was possible to do this sport professionally and also have a life, because I knew the Sullivans were doing just that.
But that got lost along the way. I lost all sense of balance, and now I’m seeing firsthand that you can have both. ”
“You said you don’t think he sees you as a person anymore. Why?”
“Wyatt was the main driving factor behind Naomi withdrawing from the doubles—”
“I thought that was your choice?” Hannah cut in.
“I didn’t disagree with Wyatt. Naomi couldn’t play again. She could barely sit upright when she came off court. She put on one of the performances of her life that day. I said it was my choice because the press was going to give me less of a hard time for the withdrawal than her.”
My sisters nodded in understanding.
“Her first session back last week was crafted so it was easier on her body. Wyatt calls time on sessions when he knows that she’s had enough.
He’s in her corner. Always. And in recent sessions that I’ve been in with them, he’s been in mine as well.
I didn’t even ask it of him, he just did it.
I haven’t had anyone advocate for me like that in a long time, and I’ve long stopped trying to do it for myself because Dad’s always going to say he knows best, and how do you argue with that? ”
“Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?” Charlie offered.
I shook my head. “We all know that man well enough to know that if I even hint at being unhappy, he’s going to take it as an offence, and before the conversation has even begun, it’s gonna be an argument. Then I’m fucked. I need the next year. I’d rather what I have than be coachless.”
“Fair. So when are you going to tell him you want out of your current arrangement?”
“That is the million-dollar question. I guess after Wimbledon next year? I’m going to need you two to back me on it.”
Charlie’s hand reached for my arm again. “Always, Sammy. And no more hiding how you feel about it. About anything. And if you need to pull the plug on your professional relationship sooner, we’re here for you.”
I scoffed. “Saying ‘professional relationship’ implies that we have anything else. I’m telling you, Charlie, it’s bad. I think the only time he remembers he’s my dad is when he pulls the dad card to assure me he’s making the best decision for me.”
“Do you want us to try to talk to him?”
“No. For the same reason I don’t want to. Plus, don’t waste the time you spend talking to him by talking about me. When he’s talking to you, it’s probably the only time he’s not thinking about tennis. It will be good for him. I’ll be fine.”
My sisters shared a look that clearly communicated a whole host of things I had no hope of understanding before returning their focus to me.
“Alright, if you’re sure. Anything else you want to talk about?” Charlie said.
I shook my head.
“In that case, can we please talk about how you’re hanging out with Naomi Fucking Sullivan on a semi-regular basis? Is she as majestic in person as she seems to be on screen?” Hannah asked excitedly.
A smile overtook me before I could stop it, and then I spent the next half hour denying I had anything more than a healthy amount of respect for one of the greatest athletes in our sport.
Even though I definitely felt something more.