Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
SAM
London, UK – February
I’d been back in London for nearly two weeks when I finally found myself making the journey from Naomi’s house back home.
I’d almost asked if I could take Logan with me as an emotional support animal, but Alisha reminded me that he’d already been on a long walk and definitely had plans of sleeping in various spots of the house for the rest of the day. Not a trip to Hammersmith.
I could tell when my key turned in the door of the house I grew up in that my dad was home. I didn’t know if that was what I wanted, or if I would’ve preferred for him to be walking in to me being home.
There was a clatter of a saucepan in the kitchen, and I walked down the hall to the room at the end of it.
“Hi, Dad,” I said quietly as I leaned against the door. He almost dropped the pan.
“Oh, I thought it was one of your sisters.”
“Do they drop by often?”
“Often enough that it doesn’t surprise me when one of them shows up.”
A silence descended over us, filled only with the sound of Dad filling the pan with water.
I’d gone over what I wanted to say all morning. I’d bored all three Sullivans by talking about what I wanted to say. I thought I had it all down, but standing here with my dad for the first time since August, it went out of my head.
“I, um, I’m sorry, first of all. For the way things went down, I’m sorry. I had a whole plan of how I was going to suggest that we maybe part ways because I didn’t think it was working—”
“So what happened then, son?” he cut in, sadly.
I was briefly lost for words. “I was lying on the floor with borderline heatstroke, and you didn’t even ask if I was okay.
You just started talking about how we shouldn’t listen to the doctors and get back on court as soon as possible.
I couldn’t see properly, and all you cared about was tennis!
All you ever seemed to care about was tennis.
It was relentless and wearing me down, and even when I was literally lying broken on the floor, you still didn’t care about me.
You’re standing there, calling me son, but you haven’t felt like a dad in a long time. ”
I was breathing heavily when I finished speaking. My dad was standing across from me, looking shell-shocked. Even more so than when I’d fired him in less than five words.
Yet more silence stretched between us. I wanted to fill it with something, but it wasn’t my place to do it this time. Ironically, the ball was in his court.
He started twisting the end of the tea towel he had draped over his shoulder, his mouth opening and closing before finally, he started speaking.
“You didn’t ask for much when you were younger. You were an easy kid to raise, and that’s partly because your sisters took you under their wing. But you seemed to sense that I was drowning, being a single dad out of nowhere, and you made it easy.
“One day, you came home and said you wanted to play tennis. It was the only thing you’d ever asked for, so I figured out a way to slot you playing tennis into Hannah being a dancer and Charlie doing karate.
And I made it work. It was a juggling act, but I made it work.
Eventually, Hannah and Charlie could get themselves to where they needed to be, but you always wanted me to take you to your tennis practice.
Then someone told me they thought you had the potential to be something special, and when I mentioned it to you, your first response was, ‘Why don’t you coach me?
’ And it blew my mind that you would want that from me, so I jumped at the chance.
“And that person was right. You were something special. You are. Making sure you achieved what you were capable of was the second biggest job I had, behind being a dad. But, I think—no, I know—somewhere along the way, the line got blurred, and with you, being a coach was the biggest job, and I forgot about the other one. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t even realise I didn’t ask if you were okay that day.
I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t more important than a sport.
You’re one of the most important people in my life. ”
I took a deep, shaky breath as I looked at my dad with his tear-stained eyes.
“Asking you to be my coach was an easy decision to make because there was no one I trusted more than you. With all the shit I knew was going to come from being a player. You say I didn’t ask for much, but that’s because I had all I wanted, and when I did want something, you made it happen.
I loved you being my coach. For years, I loved it.
Please don’t think I’ve felt like you saw me as a commodity, not a person, the entire time.
There was nothing better than getting to travel the world with you. ”
Dad walked around to stand next to me, not close enough to be in my personal space but closer.
“Until it wasn’t.”
I nodded. “I think the back-to-back Grand Slam wins might’ve been the catalyst. Suddenly, all you cared about was points and turning my game into something clinical so I could keep winning.”
“I think I overheard one of the Sullivans call you robotic.”
A breath of a laugh escaped me as I imagined the way each of them would say it.
“I felt like a robot sometimes. And then when I had to retire in that match, I felt like I malfunctioned, and you just didn’t care.”
A warm hand settled on my shoulder. “I failed you as a dad in the end. It took me a while to see that,” he said gently, making tears form in the corner of my eyes.
“Why didn’t you reach out?”
“Because I was mad at you for firing me like that at first. Then I thought maybe you would get over what I believed to be a childish strop. Your sisters checked in a lot and gently encouraged me to do some inner work. I took up golf first. Then you didn’t come home for Christmas, and I realised that maybe I shouldn’t be placing the blame solely on you.
There’s not much blame for you at all, really.
You did everything I asked of you and more.
The only thing you asked for during that time was to play doubles with Naomi, and I tried to take that from you. ”
“The reality of the tour is doing a great job of preventing that from happening,” I joked.
“You almost won in New York,” he volleyed back. “You’ve been looking good out there. Freer. Happier. It’s been nice to see. I’m happy that you’ve got that out there. I just hope you can forgive me for taking that from you.”
I wiped a hand under my eyes, swiping away the stray tears that had slipped.
“I have forgiven you. I just needed time to process and make sure that when we had this conversation, it wasn’t still coming from a place of anger. I don’t think it would’ve ended well for either of us if we were both still holding onto anger in different ways.”
He smiled, and a tear dropped down his cheek. “When did you get so wise?”
“Therapy that kicks my arse each week. We’re good, Dad. I just want to move forward with you only being my dad again.”
In the blink of an eye, I was swept up into a hug. “I would love nothing more. I’m sorry, son.”
“I will not be getting into golf.”
We both burst into laughter.
The house was quiet when I got back. I didn’t expect anyone to answer to the call of their name, so I was surprised when a quiet ‘just me’ came from behind me.
Naomi was leaning against the door that led into the living room.
Her arms wrapped around her waist, wearing one of my hoodies that covered the shorts I knew she was wearing underneath.
Black fluffy socks haphazardly pulled up her legs.
She looked soft and a little bit sleepy, and not for the first time, I couldn’t believe that I got to come home to her.
“Hey,” I said as I stepped into her, and she immediately dropped her arms to wrap me in a hug.
“The other two took Logan to our parents’ for dinner, but I didn’t want you to come back to an empty house. I can go, though, if you—”
I cut her off with a gentle kiss, catching her gasp against my mouth, and then she softened against me. It didn’t take long before we fell into a steady push-pull that I got lost in.
Eventually, she broke the kiss, her hands threaded through my hair at the nape of my neck.
“You okay?” she asked gently.
“Yeah. Tired, but okay. It went well, I think. We’re on the right path.”
“That’s good. I’m happy it’s working out. You wanna have a nap?” she asked as she laced her hands through mine and walked us back into the living room.
The thing I had to come to love about the Sullivans’ house was that one of their sofas was basically a bed.
I fell onto it, settling on my side and beckoning for Naomi to come and join me.
She pulled a blanket off the other sofa and slotted herself against my front before draping the blanket over us.
I wrapped an arm around her waist, under the hoodie, and started stroking the soft skin of her hip.
I was asleep in seconds.
I woke up alone but still wrapped in the blanket.
The sound of running water told me Naomi was in the kitchen.
When I got there, she was tossing pasta in a sauce and humming to herself. She jumped when she noticed me watching her before smiling my favourite smile.
“You’re awake!”
I nodded as I moved out of the doorway towards her. When she was in touching distance, I placed my hands on her waist and lifted her onto the counter. Her legs wrapped around my waist and pulled me in closer as her arms looped over my shoulders.
“Leesh will kill us if we do anything even a little bit sexy in the kitchen,” she said, even as she brought her face so close to me that our lips brushed as she talked.
“I know. You just looked so cute and also hot, I couldn’t resist getting my hands on you. To be honest, I’m still exhausted, so that big move might’ve been my lot.” I pressed a kiss to her mouth.
“The emotional comedown can be a real bitch. We’ll eat, then watch a film. If you want, I can tell Leesh and Wyatt to stay at our parents’ so we can keep things quiet.”
An emotion bloomed from the pit of my stomach through my veins, making me feel warm all over.
“What if I want a Logan cuddle?” I teased, swallowing down words that threatened to spill out. It was too soon.
Naomi mouthed the word ‘wow’ and dropped her arms to her side before smiling.
“I can go get him if you want,” she then offered easily.
I tried not to pout at the idea of her leaving, but judging by the glittering look in her eyes, I probably failed.
“Alright, fine, I’ll stay. You want me to tell them to stay away?”
This bubble that Naomi had created without me even knowing I needed it was near perfect, and I wasn’t ready to give it up just yet. I nodded, and Naomi pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“I’ll tell them now. Serve yourself some pasta. I made way too much, so you can really take your fill.”
Her legs unwrapped from my waist, and I stepped back enough to let her slip back down to the floor. With a squeeze of my arm, she left the room.
I love you, I thought as I watched her walk away.