19. Dixie
DIXIE
With a sudden, thrilling twist, Player flips me onto the bed and lays me down. He positions himself between my spread legs and, without saying a word, traces his tongue over my exposed sex.
I tense up, surprised by this new sensation before the pulses make my eyes roll in their sockets. But everything is new tonight. I've never felt such strong excitement, such powerful desire. That's probably why I've never slept with a man before.
"Fuck, Alabama," Player growls against my sex.
I don't know if he's satisfied or not, and I don't even have the chance to think about it because he sucks on my clit, making me cry out. I grip his short hair as he slides his fingers inside me. Sensations explode throughout my body. I'm trembling, burning.
With desire or shame?
This thought is quickly relegated to the depths of my mind, probably near my dignity that has made a run for it. Player is a tempter, an incarnation of the devil—sexy and so skilled. No doubt about it, he knows exactly what he's doing, and I have no complaints !
Just when I think I've reached the height of my pleasure, Player surprises me by ordering, "On your stomach."
I obey without really knowing what to expect and without having time to worry about it either.
He has his own way of directing our passion, and somewhere, I'm relieved that he's taking charge because I probably wouldn't be capable of it.
Player grabs my hips and pulls me up slightly, and I'm almost on all fours in front of him when his tongue finds my clitoris again.
Fuck! It's insane what he's capable of doing to me, I’m wanton, begging for more after just one swipe of his tongue on my wet folds. He doesn't stop tormenting me, licking me, doing... I lose my train of thought, completely surrendered to this man I had sworn not to give in to.
When he thrusts his fingers into me again and his movements become faster, more intense, I feel a new heat spreading through my belly, igniting my skin and my pussy. I feel like I'm liquefying, light pulsing behind my closed eyelids.
"Fuck, Alabama..."
That's the last thing I hear before a powerful moan escapes my throat.
I'm propelled into another space-time, where I'm nothing but an expanding ball of pleasure.
I can't tell how long it lasts, but I come down a bit when I feel the tip of Player's cock pressing against my lips, spreading them slightly but pausing.
I'm vaguely aware that he's taken something from his nightstand, probably a condom.
My tongue licks my lips in an involuntary movement. Even though I've just experienced my first orgasm, I feel a certain impatience to feel him inside me for the first time.
Suddenly, his erection slaps against my buttock.
Surprise and pleasure mix at the discovery of this new sound and sensation.
Player's fingers slide into me again, and when he removes them, his hard manhood replaces them.
Inch by inch, he fills me, and just when I think I can't take any more, he starts to move, stroking in and out slowly.
The burning sensation is quickly replaced by waves of pleasure when Player reaches around me to stroke my clit.
I'm embarrassed, or maybe pleased, to find that he knows exactly what he's doing. He's mastered the art of sex to perfection, and he has a very precise idea of what he wants from me.
His hands imprison my hips to maintain his steady, powerful rhythm. My legs tremble from the effect of his cock inside me, and the efforts imposed on them as he pushes me to give back to him just as much as he’s taking.
"You're perfect."
His voice is just a whisper, and my feverish brain might have imagined it, but I moan in response. Player's fingers grip my hips even more firmly, to the point where I wonder if I'll bear the marks tomorrow. "That's it, Alabama, let yourself go."
He speeds up the pace pounding into me relentlessly.
I don't know if a first time is supposed to happen like this, in fact, I couldn't care less.
All that matters is this intense wave being reborn from its ashes in the pit of my stomach.
It swells, grows, floods each of my nerve endings, annihilating any form of coherent thought in my head.
I'm nothing but a collection of flesh pulsing and vibrating under the effect of a powerful, uncompromising pleasure.
The second orgasm that explodes within me sends my nerves into a frenzy. When Player withdraws, I collapse onto the bed, breathless. He doesn't lie down beside me. Standing next to the bed, he doesn't even look at me when he says, "You can go back to your room now."
What a complete asshole !
That's at least the thousandth time I've insulted Player in my thoughts. I haven't seen him since yesterday, since the moment he kicked me out of his room.
How can someone go from such an intimate and intense moment to such pure and simple rejection?
Tears fill my eyes. It's shame expressing itself. I feel so pathetic for having surrendered. He won the game hands down.
You got pleasure from it too.
Oh yes, I came, that's for sure! But at what cost? That of my dignity and self-respect? Player gave me incredible moments that he immediately ruined when it was over.
I knew who I was dealing with, and I should have resisted. I feel like I was weak, a poor little thing in his expert hands. Immediately, the memories bring sensations resurfacing in my body, triggering a reaction in my belly. But this can't be real! I can't be this stupid and weak!
Player turned me into his plaything, his toy, which he used however he wanted without remorse...
"Are you okay, Dixie?"
I look up at Pia. We're at the bakery workshop for our cake design club.
"You haven't seemed like yourself since this morning," she observes.
"It's nothing," I say with a wave of my hand. "I didn't sleep well."
She gives me a mischievous smile. "Well, I know someone who must have slept like a log..."
I furrow my brow, not understanding what she's getting at, and she clarifies, "Player's conquest! We could hear nothing but her last night."
Oh shit!
A wave of shame washes over me at the idea that all my neighbors and dormmates had a preview of what we did.
Player made me lose touch with reality. I struggle to put the right word on what happened, but I finally conclude that "fucking" is the most appropriate term.
When we were fucking, I forgot about our little game, who Player really was, and where we were.
"I didn't mean to," I stammer.
But Pia continues, not hearing me, "She definitely enjoyed herself."
Her cheeks are pink and she falls silent. I then realize that she hasn't made the connection to me, and I relax a little.
Today we're creating a mermaid-themed cake decoration, and I'm cutting scales from fondant to make a tail.
"Do you think all women can feel that kind of thing?" Pia asks me.
This time, she's completely lobster-red. She gives me a quick glance.
I shrug, playing it off. "I imagine so."
Pia nods but doesn't say anything more. I wonder if she's a virgin too, before realizing that I'm not one anymore!
I lost my virginity to Player. I press my lips together, overcome with a surge of guilt. I shouldn't have done that. It was the biggest mistake of my entire life. And yet, the most delicious one too!
Yes, it would undoubtedly be easier for me to regret what we did if I hadn't enjoyed myself so much. The next time I sleep with a man, he'll have no trouble surpassing Player on the emotional level, but sexually, I sense that I've experienced the hook-up of the century.
I shake my head to chase Player from my thoughts, but it's a lost cause. How could I forget him so quickly when my body still feels the effects of that night?
Player won this game he initiated between us, and I slept with him of my own free will. What does that say about me? Was last night the consequence of too many hormones repressed for too long? Or am I a sex-crazed slut?
I let out a frustrated sigh. Now I'm starting to think with language as crude as Player's. He can't have that much impact on me. I refuse it. Okay, he'll remain my first, but I don't have to dwell on it.
We had pleasure between consenting adults, isn't that all that matters? Besides, that's probably Player's mindset since he kicked me out of his room as soon as we were done.
Shame floods me again at this memory. I feel humiliated by the end of that night. He hurt me, not physically, but psychologically. His attitude is truly incomprehensible. What did I do for him to throw me out like that?
Listen to yourself!
He's the one with the problem, not me. I need to stand firm on this point and stop questioning myself. Between us, he was the one who knew what he was doing.
But you're just as responsible for agreeing to sleep with him.
I should never have done it. That's what my reason keeps trying to believe, but I can't bring myself to regret the experience despite its abrupt conclusion. Is pleasure a valid reason to accept Player's behavior though?
My dignity doesn't think so, but my body wants more.
My hands freeze above the fondant. I'm shocked to realize the turn my thoughts are taking. Player seems to have initiated me into lust at the expense of all other considerations. And I'm not sure I like what that makes me.
Pia's voice pulls me from my thoughts. "I've only had one boyfriend," she confides.
Her face takes on a pensive expression, and I look at her with concern.
"Did it end badly?" I ask after a moment of silence .
Pia lowers her eyes to the cake she's covering with the white fondant she rolled into a thin layer. "You could say that..."
I get the impression she doesn't want to elaborate on the subject, but she surprises me by adding, "He was my best friend, we'd known each other since we were little. He knew everything about me, and I knew everything about him. And then..."
Her voice breaks, and I can feel the sorrow emanating from her. Obviously, whatever happened between them, Pia hasn't gotten over it yet.
"Are you still in contact?"
My friend sadly shakes her head. "No. And that's perhaps the hardest part of it all, because we shared everything together. But from one day to the next, it stopped, and I felt like I lost a part of myself."
"I know what you mean."
Pia gives me a sidelong glance. "You have an ex too?"
"No, I was thinking about my brother. Bradley and I were almost as close as twins.
But without me knowing why, he distanced himself from me.
" The memories come flooding back. I wish I could turn back time.
I continue, "I keep telling myself that if I had been more attentive, I could have understood what was happening to him. "
"Have you talked about it since?"
I shake my head. "He joined the Marines, and I don't see him much anymore."
Between my tortured thoughts about Player and this conversation, I think I'm about to fall into a depression! I pull myself together and smile hopefully. "But he's planning to come to campus for Halloween! I'll introduce you to him."
Pia gives me a delighted smile. "I can't wait!"