21. Dixie
DIXIE
The cheerleading team has potential. The athletes are talented, and some can perform fairly technical tumbling moves.
I noticed it at the end of the Jaguars' game when Saphya introduced me to Linda, and my impression is confirmed watching tonight’s practice.
Attending these sessions is probably the worst idea for me, it reminds me of everything I can no longer do. The scar on my forearm is a perpetual reminder of what cheerleading gave me, physical and mental suffering, and the destruction of my dreams.
Sitting in a corner of the gym, not far from the mat, I have a front-row seat to the argument between a cheerleader, Jessy, and her boyfriend, Jordan. I remember their names because they're the star couple of the team, nicknamed JJ.
Thinking they're out of earshot, Jessy snaps at her boyfriend, "I saw how you were looking at her."
"I swear that's not it! I was just making sure she was balanced."
"Right! By touching her ass? "
The young woman crosses her arms over her chest in a pouty gesture.
"Jessy... You know how I feel about you," he tries to pacify her.
"JJ! We're waiting for you!" Coach Linda calls out.
My attention shifts back to the mat where the rest of the team is working on base positioning. I quickly notice they have a coordination problem. After several attempts, they still can't properly catch the flyers.
"They should switch," I mutter.
"Who?"
I jump at the sound of Saphya's voice as she joins me.
"Who should switch?" she asks.
"No one," I say, shaking my head.
My friend studies my face for a moment, then glances toward the coach before moving closer to me to declare, "I think she's fed up with managing the team."
My eyes widen, and my roommate continues, "I overheard her on the phone. If it were up to her, she'd be far from here."
"She doesn't want to coach the team anymore?"
Saphya shrugs. "I think she had other plans in life, but she was offered a position at OMU that she didn't dare refuse. She's been working here for five years." I turn my attention back to the young woman while Saphya adds more information. "She was the most talented cheerleader OMU ever had."
"Being good at flying doesn't make a cheerleader a good coach." I realize my words might be confusing, and I stammer an explanation, "I'm not questioning her skills, it's just an observation."
Saphya places a reassuring hand on my arm. "Don't worry, she's aware of that. I'm convinced she's waiting for the first opportunity to bail."
A pyramid collapses on the mat, and I can see the disappointment and frustration on the athletes' faces.
"All they need to do is swap the base elements and it would work," I observe.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Saphya watching me.
Then, without warning, she stands up and walks toward Linda.
As she approaches the coach, I feel my heart beating faster.
I should have kept quiet! Despite what Saphya just told me, I'm certain Linda won't appreciate me meddling in her business. Plus, I'm nobody...
My thoughts are interrupted by my friend's voice. "Dixie! Come here!"
I give her a wide-eyed look and shake my head, but she waves her hand, drawing the attention of the cheerleaders on the mat.
My cheeks burn as I walk toward Linda, who still has her back to me.
When I'm close enough, she turns and gives me an encouraging smile.
"Saphya tells me you have an idea for making the lifts work? "
I nod without daring to speak. Whatever my friend might think, Linda is the official coach of the team. She has complete authority over her cheerleaders.
"Come on, explain it to her," Saphya urges me.
I furrow my brow, then tell myself that the worst thing that could happen is being banned from team practices, so I take a deep breath before diving in. "I think Jordan needs to change positions. Another cheerleader could replace him."
Linda stares at me for a moment, and I think she's going to send me packing, but she surprises me by saying, "JJ insists on working together, but I'm in charge, and you’re right. I just decided I want to give your idea a chance."
She punctuates her response with a broad smile. I relax a little .
"Jordan! Silvio! Come here!"
The two young men break away from the group and approach the coach. "We're going to redo the new routine, but I want you to switch positions."
Silvio simply nods, but Jordan's reaction surprises me, he looks relieved! They head back to the mat as Linda shouts, "Let's start from the beginning!"
Immediately, the team gets into position. The choreography goes well until they reach the part where they have to launch three girls simultaneously. I hold my breath as the cheerleaders propel their partners into the air.
A wave of stress washes over me. If there were the slightest problem, the smallest injury, it would be my fault.
My thoughts are cut short: the three young women land in perfect synchronization and, where Jessy's base had lacked stability before, everything goes smoothly now. The whole team applauds and I smile, half-relieved, half-proud that my advice has paid off.
"That was perfect," Linda compliments them.
Some high-five each other in congratulation while others simply smile, but they all seem more relaxed.
"You're made to be a coach," Saphya whispers to me.
I shake my head, not wanting to go down that path."That was just one piece of advice. Going from that to training a team is a huge leap I'm not ready to make. Especially since I gave up cheer a long time ago, and I'm way too young."
But when Saphya gets an idea in her head, it's hard to change her mind. "It's like riding a bike, you never forget. And besides, would you want to wait until you're fifty to coach young people?"
I laugh.
"Trust me, cheer is much more complicated and dangerous than riding a bike. The girls risk their lives every time they fly. And no, I wouldn't want to wait that long, it's just that becoming a coach isn't part of my plans."
My roommate gives me a playful nudge on the shoulder. "You can be such a killjoy when you want to be!"
"No, I'm just being realistic. I know when I'm facing something beyond me."
Saphya's gaze finds mine, and she's more serious when she murmurs, "Even when it comes to Player?"
My heart skips a beat at the mention of Player. I've been trying to keep him out of my thoughts since our passionate, intense sexual exploits. Three days have passed, and I have to admit I've failed, because Player invades my mind at the slightest lapse in my concentration.
I haven't seen him since that moment when he showed me the door. I feel my cheeks flush, and I respond awkwardly, "What do you mean?"
Saphya studies my face while biting her lower lip, as if considering her response. Finally, she moves closer so no one can hear her. "I saw you leaving his room."
She moves back without taking her eyes off me, and I think I'm turning crimson. The humiliation was already crushing when I was the only one who knew what we'd done, but now that I realize Saphya knew about it, it's even worse.
I'm about to respond, but she beats me to it. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Dixie. You're a grown woman. You have the right to do whatever you want. And even if he can be a real jerk sometimes, Player is a handsome guy."
Unable to find a suitable response, I stay silent.
Yes, Player is very handsome, and extremely talented in bed.
Well, I don't have anything to compare him to, obviously, but I don't think I'm too far off in judging that he's good at it.
I certainly enjoyed myself. Everything would have been perfect if he hadn't ruined it all at the last moment.
From the mat, the coach calls to my friend:
"Saphya! Need a spot over here!"
"We'll talk about this whenever you want," my friend tells me before walking away.
I watch her join Linda while thinking. I didn't have any particular expectations for my first time. If I hadn't taken that step before, it's because I hadn't met a man, or a woman for that matter, who made me want to go further.
Player came along, took control of my body, and I had no choice but to surrender to those new sensations that made me vibrate to the point where the memory is still branded within me like a hot iron. He knew exactly what he was doing, as if my body was an extension of his own...
No doubt thanks to his experience with previous conquests.
Something tightens inside me. I hate the idea that he might have slept with many other women, that they were the ones who gave him his sexual education, the very one I benefited from the other night.
Damn it! Am I jealous?
I consider this idea, perplexed. How is that possible? We slept together, and part of me resents him, so what's this sudden surge of jealousy doing here? I'm completely lost, disoriented. Is it normal to feel all this after sleeping with that man?
Player represents a distraction. I'm in college to build my future, not to get a sexual education.
Memories of our night together take advantage of this moment to resurface. The way he guided me, led me exactly where he wanted, had something both exciting and liberating about it because I didn't need to think. Except now, I regret not being more serious .
Fortunately for me, nothing more will happen between us. This time, I'm more experienced. I know what to expect.
A forewarned Dixie is forearmed!
Now that I know where a moment of weakness with Player can lead me, I won't be fooled again.