Chapter 8
CHAPTER 8
HUNTER
Dorothy pushes off the daybed. “My feelings for you are different.”
“How so?” I get to my feet and stand before her, waiting for her to destroy me one more time.
She chews on her thumbnail as she gazes over the city lights. I grab the blanket and wrap it around her shoulders. It’s too cold for her to be out here without a jacket. I make a mental note to get her a new one tomorrow.
She faces me with tears rolling down her cheeks. “With him, there’s a friendship underneath it all. Or at least there was. Maybe I don’t know who he is anymore. Maybe I made everything up in my head.”
Dammit.
I’m pushing her too much right now.
After I left Jonah’s, I went to therapy. My therapist told me to give Dorothy time and show her my patience. Doing so is likely going to kill me, but if it means I have a chance to get her back, I’ll do my best.
“Forget I asked. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“It’s okay. I just have so much I’m trying to make sense of. If that didn’t happen with Jami, I wouldn’t be standing here now.”
The words are a knife to my throat, but I swallow and stand tall. “But you’re forgetting one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“It did happen. You can’t change that fact.”
She deflates, and more tears fall. “I know, but it’s hard to face. I’ve known Jami most of my life. I never thought he could deceive me this way. How could I have missed it? There had to be clues and signs, but I can’t think of any.”
“Maybe he didn’t want you to see any.” I give her a little to chew on.
God knows I should tell her the rest, but I can’t risk doing that. It’ll backfire and make me look like I spilled Jamison’s secrets.
This time, I need to step back and let the cards fall as they come. Jamison needs to figure out his relationship with her and I need to figure out mine.
“Why would he hide this from me, Hunter?”
“Maybe he was waiting for the right time to tell you.”
Her gaze springs to mine. “The right time? He couldn’t find the right time to tell me something so important in the last seven or eight months? I don’t understand that logic. How did he expect us to start our own family when he already has one?”
Another one of her disclosures slaps me across the face. I close my eyes and shake my head to stave off the pain. I return to the daybed and sit, bending over my legs and running my hands down my face.
They were going to start a family together.
I’m not sure I stand a chance of getting her back after hearing that. She was building a life with him in her mind. Hell, she probably has everything laid out—from where they’ll live to where they’ll spend every Christmas. The thought kills me because she wasn’t doing that with me .
She rushes over to me. “Hunter. I’m sorry. It just came out.”
“Don’t. I should’ve seen it. You’re not the one to blame.”
She sits beside me and runs her hand over my back. “You couldn’t have seen it because I wasn’t showing you anything that would’ve given you that indication. We weren’t together, but I wasn’t with him either.”
Confusion swirls in my core. I rub my eyes and stare at the ground. “But we were together. Not sexually, but we were trying to work things out. At least, I thought we were, but maybe I’m the one making things up in my head.”
“There was so much manipulation going on at that time. You told me you’d ruin him if I tried to be with him. You threatened his livelihood. What other choice did I have? If I would’ve ended it with you, you would’ve destroyed him.”
“When I threatened his career, I had just learned you had slept with him. I wasn’t thinking rationally.”
I push off the daybed and turn away from her. “You know what? I was going to fight for you amicably and make it right with him, but he came after me. Still, that doesn’t matter. I manipulated you, and I’m sorry for that.”
“It didn’t have to be like that. You didn’t have to go that far.”
I stack my spine and face her. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. Because of that, I’ve made many mistakes. I’m sorry for those. I’d take them back if I could. My fear of losing you showed through my ruthless tactics.”
“Hunter…”
“If you’ll excuse me, I have some work to do. Sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning.” I leave her on the rooftop terrace to give us both some space.
She thinks she sacrificed herself for him back then. Correction. She believes she sacrificed herself to me so he could keep his contract. And this is how he repays her. My stomach spews bile .
If I want her to get to a point where she would consider a relationship with me, I have to be more honest than he was. I can prove to her I’m the better choice.
She can love me as much as she loves him. She just needs to see I can be the man she wants me to be.
That’s if she ever really loved me.
Will I ever know for sure?
Trying to drown out my unsteady emotions from earlier, I’m in my home office going through computer work when I come across her new email instructions. Right above that is an email from Isabella. My insides tighten just thinking about her.
She’s going to tell Dorothy about staying here. I can see it in her eyes when she’s around. Anytime I look at Dorothy in Isabella’s presence, Isabella dials in on it like she can see what others can’t—I’m desperately in love with Dorothy.
“Knock, knock.” Dorothy steps into the room, wearing the white silk pajama set I got for her. She’s breathtaking.
I rest back in my chair and take a second to drink her in. “Hey there. I’m surprised you’re still awake.”
“I couldn’t get comfortable, so I came to see if we could talk.”
“Talk away.” I gesture to the chairs in front of the fireplace and get up to join her. “I hope that pajama set you’re wearing isn’t why you’re having trouble falling asleep. If it is, I can have Katy pick up some different ones.”
“No. They’re really comfortable. I didn’t know they made booty shorts and tank tops in silk. It seems extravagant, but I love silk, so thank you.” Dorothy sits in the chair across from the one I’m getting into. “I couldn’t sleep because of our conversation outside. ”
“I see.”
“You were right about us.”
“Help me out because I’m not sure I know the truth about us anymore.” My stomach burns, but it’s how I’m feeling and she needs to know.
She reaches up and takes out her hair tie. Her thick waves cascade over her shoulders and I have to turn away. She’s so beautiful. That innocent move just about did me in.
“Please don’t doubt what we had, Hunter. I did love you. That wasn’t something you made up in your head.”
Did?
Well, there’s my answer. I shift and rest over my legs. I’m not sure how many more blows I can take from her tonight. Every time she speaks, she knocks me out with her words.
Why does loving her hurt this much?
“Thanks, Dorothy—for letting me know when you loved me, it was real. I’ll remember that when I think back on our relationship.” I stand, hoping for a reprieve from the despair drowning me, and step toward my desk. “It’s getting late, so if you don’t mind, I have more work to do.”
She jumps out of her chair and grabs my forearm. I peer down at her hand, wanting to carry her down the hall to her bedroom. If I could make love to her, she’d remember how she used to feel about me and how good we were together before Jamison came into the picture.
“Hunter, wait. I’m sorry. I’m not saying anything right tonight. My mind is still messed up. I promise I’ll do better and think about what I’m saying so I don’t hurt you.”
I find her gaze and nod. It’s all I can do.
“That’s why I need time alone. When I’m this hurt and confused, I say all the wrong things.” She squeezes my arm. “Please talk to me. Don’t make me wonder what you’re thinking or feeling.”
“Why do you care? You’ve made yourself clear you were planning a life with Jamison. ”
I rub my aching heart. “When you slept with him, we had only been broken up for a short while.”
“True.”
“When you were deciding to have your little family, we had only been apart for just over a month. And half of that time, I thought we were trying to make it work between us. Stop me if I’m getting my facts wrong, but I’m trying to find where I misunderstood.”
She lowers her head. “You didn’t misunderstand. All that’s correct.”
“And you were only with me because I threatened to end the career of the man you really love. Forgive me for not wanting to participate in any conversation about how you were deceiving me about the future we could’ve had. I get it, beauty. I’m not the one you love, and I won’t fight that fact anymore.”
Her head snaps up, her eyes wild in panic. “Hunter, I never said that.”
“Are you sure? Because I just heard you say, and I quote, ‘Don’t doubt what we had . I did love you.’ Unless I misunderstood that, I’m not sure there’s much more to discuss. I won’t compete against a man you’ve held on a pedestal for years. And even after what he’s done, you still do.” Just saying those words, some of my angst lifts.
She stares at me, blinking away heavy tears that sit on the edge of her eyelashes. “I’m going to let him go. No matter what he did to me, I still love him, but that doesn’t change the fact I love you too.”
I go slack. “Dorothy?—”
“No. Listen to me. I’m overwhelmed and confused. I keep saying and doing things that hurt you, and I don’t want to lean on you to get over him. How is that fair to you?”
That’s all it takes for my defenses to fall away. “Let me decide if it’s fair for you to lean on me. If I understand love, that’s what you do. ”
She shakes her head. “What’s that?”
“When the person you love needs you, you’re there for them no matter how much it hurts. You’re who I love, so I’m offering myself to you. If you want my love and support through this, I’m willing to give it to you as long as I’m not misunderstanding what you’re feeling for me.”
“Okay, then. I’ll lean on you. If that’s what you want.”
“That’s what I want.”
She steps into my arms. I hold her, breathing in her floral and vanilla perfume. She has the power to break me into a million pieces, but I’ll risk it for her.
She sniffles. “Thank you again. I don’t deserve your understanding.”
And I don’t deserve yours.
Isabella’s email flies to the forefront of my thoughts. My therapist’s advice comes right after.
If you want to build a strong relationship, be honest with Dorothy. Isabella says you two slept together, but you don’t think that’s true. Either way, Dorothy deserves to know.
I squeeze her tight. It’s time I start being the man I want to be for her. My heart pounds against my chest.
I may be blowing my fucking life up right now, but I have to do this. “Let’s sit back down. There’s something I need to speak to you about.”
She steps out of my arms and we return to our seats, where she balls up in her chair. I grab a blanket from the chest between them, place it over her, and flip on the fireplace. She may as well be comfortable when I deliver another jab to her already delicate emotional state.
The timing’s off, but she needs to know. After seeing how hurt she is by Jamison for holding back his truth, I won’t take the chance of her finding out another way.
I sit before her and brace myself, ignoring the spikes of adrenaline pulsing through my veins. “I need to come clean with you about something that happened a while back. ”
Her face pales. “What’s this about?”
“There was a time you were here, and I had just returned from a trip. You had mentioned you went out with Melanie the night before and I thought you meant you had slept with Jamison again. Do you remember?”
She nods and tightens the blanket around her shoulders. “That was a couple of weeks ago. Why?”
“Because I thought you were here to tell me you were… No. That doesn’t matter. The truth is, I’m trying to tell you I went to a club here in town out of jealous spite. I ran into a few people—Mateo was there.”
“How does he fit into this?”
“He doesn’t. I don’t know why I threw that in.” I bend over my knees and clasp my hands together. “That night, I ran into Isabella. She was at the club and we… I’m sorry, Dorothy, but she ended up back here. I passed out, and that’s all I remember, but she’s saying a lot more happened.”
Dorothy’s gaze drops to the floor, and I’m not sure she’s breathing. Tears fall off her cheeks, so I rush and kneel before her.
“Beauty, I’m so fucking sorry.”
She raises her head. “Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to hurt me because I have feelings for?—”
“No. I swear that’s not why. I’ve been speaking to my therapist about it since it happened. She said I need to be honest with you if I’m ever going to earn your trust. Seeing how Jamison hid things and hurt you, I don’t want to make that same mistake.”
More tears fall as she studies my face.
I stare into her eyes. “I know things may change now that you know, but I don’t want to lie to you or feel like I’m lying to you by keeping this from you.”
She wipes her face with the blanket. “Just so I’m clear. You had her over here, and that means you slept with her. Right?”
Nervousness snakes through my belly. “She helped me out of the club and came back with me. I didn’t ask her to, but I was wasted. I remember her helping me to bed. Then I passed out. Nothing happened.
“At least, I don’t think it did because I was in no shape to perform. I woke up the next morning to find her sleeping next to me. I didn’t know she was one of our sponsors, so when she showed up in my office the next day?—”
“You were with her the night before our first meeting?” Dorothy’s eyes round.
“Technically, I met Isabella Saturday, but she left Sunday morning. So yes, she was here the day before she met you.”
Dorothy shakes her head. “I didn’t make that correlation until just now, but fuck. I must look like an idiot.”
“No, you don’t. If anyone looks like an idiot, it’s me.” My heart rate ticks up.
“Geez, this week keeps getting better by the minute.” She pushes away from me. “So you lied to me when I asked you about her?”
“No, I didn’t. I told you that was the first time I’d seen her since I was with her. That was true, and I didn’t get her number.” I lower my head in shame. “You won’t want to hear this, but I remember thinking she was you throughout the night. I pictured you in her place.”
“Wow, Hunter. That’s just great.” She hops out of her chair and brushes by me. “Not only did you bring her back here, but you thought about me most of the time you were with her. And that didn’t stop you.”
I hurry to rise to my feet. “That’s not what I meant. I was just saying… Fuck. I was wasted and couldn’t get my thoughts straight. It’s not an excuse, but I was missing you. And I still don’t think anything happened.”
Dorothy’s hands ball at her sides. “But she’s saying something happened?”
“Yes. I don’t know how it could be possible, though. ”
Dorothy’s brows furrow. “If it did, do you think it’s okay because you thought she was me?”
“No. None of this is alright. If anything, it shows how broken I am without you. Fuck, Dorothy. We weren’t even together when it happened and I still feel like I cheated on you by having her in my bed.
“I thought telling you would help, but now I feel like it’s all for nothing. I don’t get you anyway, so why put you through the pain of knowing?”
Her shoulders soften, and she takes a pause. “It is better that you told me. But it still hurts.”
I exhale a heavy breath. “Yeah, I know. But I swear I don’t think anything happened with her.”
She nods and walks near the fireplace. “Can I ask you something and you promise to tell me the truth?”
“Anything.”
She turns and faces me. “Have you slept with anyone since we’ve been…since we first got together?”
“I swear on my empire, there has been no one else since the day I kissed you in that hotel room. I wish I could remember that night with Isabella, but I can’t.”
I place my hand over my heart. “But even if I’m right and nothing happened, she was still in the bed I share with you, and for that I’m sorry. Nothing like that will ever happen again if you say there’s a chance for us.”
I take her hands in mine. “It’s your turn now.”
“My turn for what?”
I take a risk and swallow any self-doubt. “Is there a chance of us getting back together?”