Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
JAMISON
Panic zigzags through my core. The last time I was this nervous, I was waiting to hear about landing this contract. It’s only fitting Hunter would be holding my relationship with Dori in his hands just as he was my financial future.
It’s her first day back from her extended break. I’ve waited all day to approach her and I’ve been praying she’ll hear me out. I rattle my knuckles against her open office door.
She glances up from her desk and our eyes meet. She’s more beautiful every time I see her.
My breathing picks up as I step into her office. “Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Jami.” Her cold gaze scans over the work laid out on her desk. “I still have a lot to do.”
“I imagine so after taking more than two weeks off.”
She glares at me. “You know why I took that time off, so don’t you dare give me that judgmental tone.”
“I didn’t mean to have a tone with you.” I inch closer to her desk. “Did the time away help?”
Knowing she was with Hunter should tell me her break didn’t assist my cause, but I’m trying to keep this as neutral as possible .
“If you think a sabbatical, having multiple therapy sessions, and dealing with your betrayal was helpful, then yes. It was beneficial.”
Guilt squeezes me. “That’s what I want to discuss. Can we please talk about what happened between us?”
Fire radiates from her skin as she stands. “Nothing happened between us because we never got that far.”
“Dori, we were about to cement our relationship in stone. How can you stand here and say nothing happened?”
Her lips curl into a hateful smile. “You seem to forget valuable information, so let me remind you what actually happened. You took a phone call while I learned about your son and fiancée, or whatever she is. So nothing happened between us. Does that ring a bell?”
I deflate into myself. “Can we please go somewhere to talk about this?”
“Why? Are you finally ready to tell me about them? After all, it’s been months since we’ve been working together. Maybe that’s still not enough time for you to trust me with that kind of information.” Her voice cracks, exposing the level of hurt she’s holding in.
My shoulders round. “I was going to tell you everything that night, but things…”
“You don’t have to find the words. I was there and lived through it.” She gathers some files off her desk and shoves them into her bag. “Say what you need to say so I can get out of here.”
“Let me walk you home and we can talk about it then.”
“Sure, Jami. Anything for you.” Sarcasm coats her words.
“Can you give me five minutes to get my jacket?”
“I’ll tell you what, Jamison. If you get to me by the time I make my way to the front doors of this building, you can have all the time you need.” Her eyes flick with plans of sabotage. “Time’s ticking.”
I hesitate but know her well enough to know she’s not bluffing. I leave, take the stairs, and run to my office to gather my things as fast as I can.
As I rush to the exit, Jonah catches my attention, hovering over Melanie’s cubicle. She stands and we make eye contact. She glares and shakes her head, causing Jonah to turn to me. He stares blankly my way.
I don’t have time to decipher what’s going on with them. I take off, working my arms into my coat as I take two steps at a time toward the main level. My shoulder rams into the metal door, forcing it open to the lobby. She’s almost to the doors, so I sprint to catch up.
I reach her right in time to open the glass doors that lead outside. “I made it. So will you keep your word?”
She growls through clenched teeth. “I’m not the one who lies in this relationship.”
I raise a brow, about to call bullshit for not sharing that she was dating her boss, but I decide to give her a pass. Pointing that out will only set her off.
We spend the first block walking in silence. She stares forward with a scowl.
I glance at her multiple times, but I can’t make my words come out over the lump of guilt lodged in my throat. Even though I’ve gone through this conversation repeatedly in my head, I’m still unsure how to start.
When we get stopped by a light, so we can’t cross the street, I turn her way. “Happy New Year.”
“Yeah, you too.” She jams her hands into her swing coat pockets. “How was bringing in the New Year with your son? Did he keep you up, or did he sleep through the night?”
The muscles in my chest instantly flex. Her comments are enough to trigger the fuck out of me.
I want to scream at her, but I hold back. “Dori, you’re out of line. Stop before you make a complete ass out of yourself.”
She spins to me. “I’m out of line? And now you’re mad? Wow, Jami. You never cease to surprise me. ”
I huff and shake my head. “If I didn’t care about you like I do, I’d be walking away and letting you figure this shit out on your own. But no, I’ll take it just so you get the information you’ve needed to know since you took the coward’s way out and slipped out my door that night without getting all your facts straight.”
Yeah, I probably took it too far, but her saying something about me bringing in the New Year with my deceased son is just too much to take. I grind my teeth together so I don’t say anything more I’ll regret. My chest heaves as I take calming breaths.
She steps back and stares all wide-eyed, like I’ve slapped her. Something in her expression tells me she finally realizes there’s a lot more to this situation than she ever imagined. Maybe it’s because I’m glaring at her like I’m about to lay into her more than I already have.
“Ms. Fisher. Is this man bothering you?” A guy in a dark overcoat steps up to us as we wait at the stoplight.
She tears her eyes from me to him. “Uh…no. Please, is this really needed?”
I give him a once over. “Who the fuck is this guy?”
“Jami, stop.” She faces the man. “Trey, can you give us some space?”
He dips his chin and backs away. I’m still analyzing the guy when the light signals it’s time for us to walk. Dori’s off without a word.
I hurry my pace to get to her. “Care to explain why you have some henchman trailing you?”
“No. This night is all about you and your explanations. I’ll decide later if I want to tell you about him.”
“Fine.” I take the hint and regroup as we make our way to her loft.
Once we get inside and this Trey guy is stationed at her front door, I take off my coat and wait for her to invite me to take a seat. She takes her time getting changed and organizing her work.
She’s not going to make this easy on me.
My gaze sweeps around her place. She’s got a suitcase thrown open on the top of her bed. It’s a good icebreaker.
“I see you’re in the middle of unpacking. Did you go anywhere worth sharing?”
She stomps over to the case and slams the lid shut. “That’s none of your business. And if you don’t start talking, I’m going to ask you to leave.”
“Can we at least sit down and do this like two mature adults?”
“Fine, Jami. Would you like to take a seat so you can tell me why you decided to keep some of the most important information of your personal life from me for months?” She plants her hands on her hips.
“I’d love to. Thanks.” I walk to her sofa and sit. “Would you please join me?”
“I can hear you from here. So go on, tell me why.” She opens her suitcase and starts sorting out her clothes.
“Dori, I’m sorry you found out about Lauren and my son the way you did. To start, Lauren and I aren’t together anymore.” My throat constricts as I get ready to tell her about Aricin.
I work my hand over the pain in my chest. “So we can get to the issue and spend the rest of our time actually talking to each other rather than doing this bullshit, I’ll just come right out and say it. My son isn’t…”
I can’t finish my sentence. It’s too hard to say it out loud. I lower my head and scrub my hands down my face, trying to soothe the agony that’s about to make me break down.
“Jami?” Her concern takes over. “Are you okay?”
I pull in a breath and raise my head. “No, Dori. I’m not.”
By the change in her demeanor, I think she knows where this is going. My eyes burn and my heart shrinks .
I stay seated because I’ve never had to explain this and I might not make it through. The pain sears me, threatening to burn my throat with the mere thought of speaking.
“Finish what you were saying.” She ambles over to me, her green eyes growing wary. “Your son isn’t what?”
“Will you please sit so I can get through this without you staring down at me?”
“I’m going to need to be sitting, aren’t I?” She moves next to me. “Please tell me this isn’t going where I think it is.”
“I’m afraid I can’t promise you anything. What I can tell you is…” My throat tightens again. I lean over my legs and clasp my hands together. “Fuck. This will be easier if I just show you.”
My breathing is quick and shallow. I stand and undo my shirt. She stares at me, confusion spilling from every pore as I peel off my shirt, toss it on the floor, and remove my undershirt.
I sit beside her and outline the ink over my chest with my fingertip. “I got this tattoo to honor him. You stopped by right after. Lauren and I had just had a huge fight about it. I should’ve told you then, but you were talking about us and I couldn’t find a way to get it out of my mouth.”
Dori’s gaze follows the red heart, cracked in half and outlined in black. Dangling off the bottom are blue baby shoes. His name is etched in black above the heart, along with the day he was stillborn.
The number twenty-two and a half is tattooed between the two cracked halves. Drops of red blood shaped like tears drip down the heart and pool beneath the shoes.
Her glossy eyes stay on my chest. “Jami… I don’t understand.”
I suck in a breath of steel, man up, and dive into the long, overdue explanation.
“Aricin was stillborn on this date.” I run my finger over the day inked in my skin. “Lauren was twenty-two and a half weeks pregnant. It happened not much before I ran into you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you, I just couldn’t get it out. I didn’t want to believe it happened, so I didn’t talk about it to anyone.”
Dori’s teary eyes crawl up to mine. “Oh, Jami. I’m so sorry. Jesus. What I said at the stoplight. I’m so very sorry. I never…never thought that was something you went through. If I had known, I…”
“How would you know? I guess Hunter could’ve told you, but it wouldn’t be in his favor, so I can’t see him doing that.”
Her eyes close as she releases a pained groan. She lowers her head and covers her mouth with her palm.
She takes a moment and then shakes her head. “Jami, he tried. He told me he thought I should talk to you about this. He even said he thought it would change everything if I did. I refused to listen.”
She pushes off the couch and pads away with one hand on her hip and the other rubbing the side of her neck.
“He knew, and I asked him not to talk to me about it. You can’t blame him for not saying anything because I told him it was my choice, and I’d take full responsibility for anything that happened once you and I had this discussion.”
My blood pressure stabilizes. Now that she knows, maybe I can start processing it and heal.
I grab my clothes off the floor. Her explanation runs through my head. I’m not seeing Hunter’s angle.
Why would he tell Dori to talk to me?
“Dori, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. You need to understand I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know how.” I get dressed while she thinks for a moment.
She twists back to me. “This is why you brought up my miscarriage on our date. It’s why you gave me the necklace. You were trying to tell me all along, weren’t you?”
“Yes, but I couldn’t find the words. Then you got pregnant and I thought I…we were getting a second chance to have a ch ild. Jesus, Dori. I get that I fucked up and I’m sorry. If I would’ve told you, we wouldn’t have been apart all this time. Again, I’m sorry you found out the way you did. I should’ve told you months ago.”
I rise to my feet and go toward her, longing to hold her in my arms. As I get closer, she takes me in from head to toe. Our magnetic pull makes me ache for her. She still loves me and I can see it in her eyes.
It’s time for a Hail Mary.