Chapter 19 #2
"I don't know. Something more. Something real." I pull her fully into my lap now, and she comes willingly, settling against me like she belongs here, like this is where she was always meant to be. "Something that terrifies me and feels right at the same time."
She cups my face with both hands, and I can't help but lean into her touch, this simple gesture I've wanted for so long. Her hands are soft against my skin despite the cold, her thumb brushing my cheekbone in a way that makes my eyes want to close so that I can focus on the sensation.
"I'm scared," she whispers.
"Me too."
"What if we fuck this up?"
"Then we fuck it up together."
She kisses me, and it's soft at first, tentative, like we're both afraid this might break if we're not careful.
Then it deepens, turns into something more, a promise of what could be if we're brave enough to try.
I can taste the salt from her tears and something else, hope, maybe, or the beginning of something neither of us knows how to name yet.
When we break apart, I rest my forehead against hers, catching my breath. Her shampoo, her skin, the faint warmth of her body against mine—I want to burn this into my memory. This moment. This feeling of finally having what I've wanted for so long.
"So," she says, a small smile playing at her lips despite the tears still drying on her cheeks. "Adjusted rules?"
"We acknowledge feelings exist. We stop pretending this is casual."
She nods, but her smile falters. "But we keep it quiet. From Emma. Just… just until I figure out how to tell her."
"Maya—"
"I don't know how long," she says quickly. "I just—she's got so much going on right now with the baby and everything, and I don't know how to bring this up without making it weird or like I'm asking for her permission, but she's my best friend and—"
"Hey." I catch her hand. "We'll figure it out."
"You're okay with waiting?"
"I've waited this long." I brush my thumb across her knuckles. "I can wait until the timing's right."
"And rule number one, no sleeping in the same bed—"
"Is the stupidest rule we ever made."
She laughs, and the sound fills the truck with warmth, chasing away the December cold that's been seeping in through the windows. "Okay. New rules. We're together. Actually together. But a secret until we can tell Emma properly."
"Together." I test the word, roll it around on my tongue. It fits. "I like that."
"Me too."
We sit here a while longer, her in my lap, watching the sun rise over Hartford. The city comes to life, the snow catching the light and turning everything magical. A new day. A new understanding. A new beginning.
I run my fingers through her curls, carefully working out the tangles from sleep, and she leans into the touch with her eyes closed.
She looks peaceful like this, relaxed in a way I haven't seen since before everything happened to her in Pinewood, and I catalog this moment in my memory alongside all the others I've been collecting over the years.
"I've wanted to do this for so long," I murmur, continuing to work through her hair. "Just touch you like this. No rules, no boundaries, no pretending."
"How long?"
"Since I realized what you meant to me." My hands move to cup her face, tilting it up so I can see her properly in the growing dawn light. "You have no idea how hard it's been, being this close to you and not being able to show you how I feel."
"I think I might," she says softly. "I've been living the same hell."
The words settle between us, heavy with shared pain and relief and the promise of something better. We've both been suffering in silence, both been loving each other from a distance, both been too afraid or too stupid just to say something.
"We should get back," she says eventually, but she doesn't move, just stays curled in my lap like she can't bear to leave yet. "Before Emma wakes up and panics that we're both missing."
"Yeah."
But neither of us moves. We just hold each other, neither wanting this moment to end, both knowing that once we leave this space, everything gets more complicated. Here it's just us. Out there, it's secrets and lies and navigating around Emma and pretending we're not everything to each other.
"Jackson?" she says quietly.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For that night. For respecting me enough to walk away even when you wanted to stay."
"Always."
We eventually drive back in comfortable silence, her hand in mine, fingers interlaced on the center console.
I keep glancing over at her, still not quite believing this is real, that she feels the same way, that we're not pretending anymore.
The morning light makes her skin glow, and I have to focus on the road before I drive us into a ditch from staring too long.
When we pull into the driveway, the lights are still off. We made it. Barely.
"We made it," Maya says, echoing my thoughts.
"Barely."
She leans over and kisses me one more time, soft and sweet and full of promise. "See you inside, Ice Capades."
"See you inside, Stardust."
I watch her slip through the front door, her figure disappearing into the house, and I sit in the truck for another minute just processing everything that's happened in the last twelve hours.
Found with her photo. The confession. The sex.
The conversation. The truth is finally out in the open, where we can both see it.
I give it five minutes before I follow, heading straight for the basement like I just got back from an early morning drive to clear my head before practice.
Everything's different now. The truth is out. We both know how the other feels.
We're not saying it yet; the actual words feel too big, too scary, too much after eight years of silence. But we know.
And for now, that's enough.