16. Kiley #4
My dad scowls but rips open his envelope. He takes out a piece of paper and unfolds it to read. His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “There’s ice fishing in Chicago?”
Jax chuckles. “Not exactly, but on Channel Lake, which is closer to Wisconsin. I figured we can go during one of my day’s off this winter.
” One of the things I learned from Keegan is that Jax and my dad have also bonded over their love for fishing.
This is the perfect gift for my dad because the rest of us hate fishing.
My dad keeps his eyes downcast, folds the paper and places it back in its envelope. “That’s really something, Jaxy. Thank you.” His reaction isn’t because he doesn’t like it. His showing no emotion means he’s so overwhelmed by the generosity of the gift that he gets emotional and clams up.
I study Jax to see if he’s taken aback by my dad’s reaction, but it seems he does understand how my dad ticks because his response in return is, “You’re welcome,” with a genuine smile of affection.
Jax turns his attention to me. “Last but never least. Your turn, Kiley.”
I’ve been dying to open this envelope to see what’s inside. These gifts were so unexpected since he’s already given us so much. I rip open the envelope, pull out a card and open it. A gift card falls out into my lap, but I don’t pay it any attention. My focus is on his handwriting inside the card.
Kiley,
You’re the hardest working woman I’ve ever met. Time to put yourself first for once… even if it’s only for a couple of hours.
Jax
I look down in my lap and pick up the gift card. It's five hundred dollars for a nice spa near the bar.
“Jax!” My voice is shaky with emotion because this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“I’m well aware that I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.” He looks around the room. “Merry Christmas, O’Shea’s. Thank you for letting me be a small part of your life and making it feel like I have family when I’m in town.”
Jax’s comments make me feel even more ashamed over my past attitude towards him.
I was so blinded by his drinking and womanizing that I didn’t stop to think that he might’ve been silently suffering, which he was.
I just thought he was another arrogant, narcissistic athlete who expected to always get what he wants.
Thank goodness for my sweet father. He saw right through Jax’s facade and decided to be the shoulder Jax needed to lean on.
He never judged Jax when he would come into our bar and drink himself to oblivion or go home with different women every week.
He silently observed, and always took care of him when he saw it was too much.
This is a lesson to myself to be more like my father.
I need to be less jaded and more open-minded.
I’m the last person in this world who should be judging people the way I judged him.
“Now can we open my hockey net?” Zander pipes in and we laugh as the emotional spell is broken.
We all stand as Jax goes over to help Zander.
He sits down on the floor and shows Zander how to assemble the hockey net piece-by-piece until it’s put together.
I observe from the kitchen, needing some distance due to how emotional watching Jax with Zander makes me.
Zander hangs on every word Jax says. When Jax stands behind Zander to show him how to use a hockey stick to get the ball in the net, I almost lose it.
“You okay?” my mom asks when she comes to stand next to me. She follows my line of vision and sighs. “That’s really sweet.”
“Do you think I’m hurting Zander by not having a man in my life?” Seeing Jax with my son makes me question if I’m doing the right thing by choosing to be single.
“No, because the right man for you will be the right man for Zander. You just haven’t found him yet.”
I frown. “But I also haven’t put myself out there.”
She pats my shoulder and says, “You will when you’re ready,” and continues on to the living room.
Jax plays with Zander for another twenty minutes and then announces it’s time for him to leave. Zander pouts in disappointment, but Jax promises him they will get to play soon. My parents and brother all hug Jax goodbye and thank him for the gifts.
“I need to talk to Jax about next week, so I’ll walk him out,” I lie, trying not to look at my parents. They always could tell when I wasn’t telling the truth when I was younger, and I feel they would see right through me if I met their gaze now.
I grab Jax’s jacket and his red satchel and hand it to him. I grab my own jacket from the coat closet, and we walk outside to his car.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, with concern written all over his face. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”
“Oh no.” I wave my hand nonchalantly. “Nothing like that. I have a gift for you, and I didn’t want you to open it in front of my family.”
He looks confused. “Why? Is it something risqué?” He gives me a wicked grin and winks. “I don’t mind those kinds of presents.”
I crack up laughing. “Sorry to disappoint you, but no, it’s nothing like that.
” I reach into my pocket and pull out a small, black jewelry bag.
“I’m sorry this isn’t wrapped, and I’m also sorry I don’t have a card for you, but here you go.
” I hand him the bag and squeeze my hands together in nervous anticipation.
He looks stunned. “Kiley, you didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know, but I wanted to.” I try to mimic his voice and use some of his words back at him, which causes him to laugh.
He unties the drawstrings of the bag and pulls out a silver necklace with a silver shamrock charm.
He stares at it and I immediately worry he doesn’t like it.
“I wanted to give you an Irish shamrock for luck and prosperity, but you don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it.
In fact, it won’t hurt my feelings at all if you don’t want it.
I don’t want to embarrass you in any way, and I forgot how personal jewelry is,” I blabber in awkwardness because his silence is killing me.
Why did I think a necklace was a good idea?
I internally chide myself at getting him such a stupid present.
When he finally looks up at me, the intensity of his gaze renders me speechless. “I love it. Will you help me put it on?”
I nod and watch as he unclasps the chain and hands me the necklace. He turns around and I have to reach on my tiptoes to get it around his neck. I secure the clasp and pat him on the shoulder. “All done.”
He turns back to me, and without asking for permission, I fix the charm so that it lays right below the middle of his clavicle. My fingers lightly graze his neck as I fix his scarf, and I feel him sharply inhale.
The air has shifted, and once again, I feel a coil of sexual tension thicken around us. “It looks really good on you.”
“Thank you,” he whispers and before I can respond, he pulls me close and wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. My arms automatically go around his neck, and I close my eyes, inhaling his delicious scent and relish in the warmth and hardness of his body.
We stand there for a moment. It feels so good to be hugged in such an intimate way that I don’t want to let go, but I have to.
I can only imagine what my parents and brother must be thinking if they’re trying to watch from the window.
I unravel my arms from around his neck and slowly slide my hands down to his chest. I feel his grip around me loosen, and I lean back in his arms to look at him.
“I want to kiss you so fucking badly right now, but I told myself I wouldn’t do it unless you begged me too,” he whispers as he grips my biceps and looks deep into my eyes.
I go to speak, but he puts his index finger against my lips.
“Heed my warning, Kiley. You have put some sort of spell on me, and my willpower is hanging by a thread. Nothing will come out of having a physical relationship with me. Nothing,” he emphasizes.
He swallows and winces as if he’s in pain.
“So let’s do ourselves both a favor by keeping things professional.
We’re friends who work with each other, and there can’t be anything more. ”
He releases my arms and stands back to put some distance between us.
His actions feel like a punch to the gut.
I hate how I already miss his touch. I hate how a moment ago, I was ready to beg for those lips to be on me.
I hate how disappointed and vulnerable I feel.
But he’s right—we can’t be anything more because I have a feeling I would be the one getting my heart shattered this time around.
I square my shoulders back and nod. “You’re absolutely right. Thank you for clarifying those boundaries. See you at the game, boss.”
I turn on my heel and head back to the house. I hear him curse, but he doesn’t call after me, and that’s for the best. It’s time I start viewing him as just another one of my bosses. Starting today, all emotional ties that started forming for Jax Morrow will be severed.