29. Kiley
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
KILEY
“You have a son.”
Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I would be coming into work on some random Friday, see my baby’s daddy and drop that four-word bomb on him five years later, but here we are.
We’re sitting in the back office at O’Shea’s and he’s holding my phone, staring at the photo of Zander I gave him to look at. He hasn’t said a word since I showed it to him. His silence is deafening, and my curiosity about his thoughts is killing me.
It felt like the whole world stopped when I looked up from making a drink and there he was standing before me.
He smiled and said, “Hi Kiley, I was hoping you were still here.” I blinked at him a couple of times and just stared, wondering if I was seeing an illusion.
I stared at him so long that his smile faded and he said, “I’m Patrick… from five years ago? Remember?
Like I could’ve forgotten.
He hasn’t changed one bit. Still handsome with that charming, easy-going smile.
I snapped out of my trance and pointed my finger at him.
“Don’t move!” I told him. I ran over to Eddie, who was changing out the garbage, and told him I needed him to cover me at the bar.
I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and quickly rattled off a text to the family group chat I have with my parents and brother, letting them know Patrick showed up and I’m going to tell him about Zander.
I knew they were going to blow up my phone, so I turned on airplane mode in order to be able to have a quiet conversation with him.
I placed my phone back in my pocket as I walked over to Patrick, grabbed his arm and said, “Come with me, we need to talk,” and took him back to the office.
At first, he didn’t believe me. He laughed and scoffed, “that’s not funny,” but when he saw my tears starting to stream down my face, he got real serious, real quick.
He started denying it, saying there was no way since we used condoms. I tried to calmly explain that one of the condoms must’ve broke because I knew Zander was his since he had been the only man I was sexually active with.
It wasn’t until I pulled my phone out and showed him Zander that he stopped his denial.
Now I just want him to say something, say anything.
I can’t take the silence anymore, so my own babbling starts taking over.
“I’m sorry, Patrick. I didn’t have a way of getting in touch with you since we never exchanged phone numbers or even last names.
I did try looking you up, but there’s a lot of Patricks who are architects living in Boston.
It was like finding a needle in a haystack. ”
He doesn’t say a word. He looks completely devastated and heartbroken. I don’t know what else to say or do.
“I promise you that if I had a way of getting in touch, I would’ve never kept him from you.” He continues his silence, and I hang my head in defeat.
“Ferguson,” he responds with a cracked voice a moment later. He clears his throat and says, “My last name is Ferguson.” He hands my phone back to me and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. “I can’t believe I have a son. This is just unbelievable.”
“I’m happy to do a paternity test if you want,” I offer.
He blows out a ragged breath. “I don’t think it’s necessary. He’s got my eyes and dimples.” He glances up at me, his eyes drowning in unshed tears and regret.
“I don’t know what to do about this, Kiley.
This is a lot. I mean, fuck, I just came in here to have a beer and to see if you were still around, and now I have a son?
Fuck. Fuck!” He yells, causing me to wince, my heart breaking at the pain and anger in his voice.
He drops his head in his hands and shakes his head.
“I know it’s a lot, and I—I don’t expect anything from you,” I stutter, trying to reassure him his lifestyle doesn’t have to change.
“I don’t expect you to see him if you don’t want to.
I don’t expect any money. You can go back to Boston and pretend this conversation never happened if you prefer.
” His head shoots up and he stares at me in disbelief.
“I just… I just thought you should know,” I tell him meekly.
“You don’t expect me to see him? What kind of person do you think I am?
Of course I want to see him. I can’t live in a world knowing I have a child and not know him.
” He’s agitated with my suggestions, and I decide to keep quiet because I can’t relate to the emotional rollercoaster ride he’s on right now.
He takes a deep breath and gives his head a good shake. “I want to see him,” he states firmly. “Problem is I leave tomorrow to go back home. I was only here for some quick work meetings. Let me go back to my hotel and see if I can re-schedule my flight to Sunday.”
I scramble to remember my calendar this weekend and recall that Jax has back-to-back home games.
“I have an afternoon obligation tomorrow, but I can meet Sunday morning.” Chloe might have to be home alone for an hour or two when Jax leaves for morning skate, but that shouldn’t be a problem.
“We can meet at a park, and you can watch him play.
He nods. “Maybe being in a fun environment would make it easier to tell him about me.” He sees me grimace at his recommendation, and his eyes widen. “Does he know about me?”
I sigh. “He knows he has a dad who doesn’t live with us. That’s all.”
He ponders that for a moment, looks down at my ring finger and brings his gaze back to mine. “Is there another man in his life that’s a father-figure to him?”
Jax immediately springs to my mind. “The only men in his life are my father, brother and—” I struggle to find the right words to describe Jax. “— a friend of mine. That’s it.”
“Okay,” he nods. “Let me try to change my flight, and we can figure out the next steps.” He pulls his phone from his pants pocket. “Let’s exchange numbers.”
Once we have each other’s numbers programmed in our phones, he stands up and looks at me awkwardly.
“I’ll call or text you tomorrow.” I nod, not knowing what else to say to him.
I head to the door and open it. He walks over the threshold but then stops and turns around to look at me.
“Thank you for telling me, and I’m sorry you had to do this on your own for all these years.
I promise you that if I had known, I would’ve been with you every step of the way. ”
I blink away the fresh onset of tears and swallow down the lump in my throat. “Thanks for that, Patrick.”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” and with that, he leaves through the swinging door back into the bar.
I close the office door, sink down in the chair behind the desk, and just sit there for a moment to collect my thoughts.
I pull out my phone and turn off airplane mode.
Numerous missed calls and text notifications from the group chat pop up, as well as one from Jax.
I check his message to make sure it isn’t about Zander, and he informs me my dad had called to tell him the news and requests that I please call him back.
Instead of dialing up Jax, I call my parents and brother on a three-way call and update them on what transpired.
“We’re going with you on Sunday,” my mom states after I told them about meeting Patrick with Zander.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I respond. “We don’t need to ambush Patrick, and you guys would be a distraction to Zander. I’ll be fine by myself.”
“I don’t like that,” Keegan growls.
“Too bad, Keegan. It’s my decision.”
“We need to get a lawyer,” my dad interjects. “If the lad said he wants to be in Zander’s life, then we need formalities established.”
“I can’t think about the legalities right now. My head hurts and I need to get back out in the bar to help our staff.”
After I promise to call them tomorrow, I use the bathroom to fix my tear-stained makeup and go back behind the bar.
But after thirty minutes, I’m so distracted with replaying my meeting with Patrick in my mind, that I’m doing more harm than good.
I screwed up a couple of drink orders and dropped two glasses and one bottle of beer.
“Kiley, is everything okay? You seem out of it,” Eddie asks in concern after we are done cleaning up my mess.
“Sorry, Eddie. I’m just not feeling that well.” It’s partially true because I’ve been worrying myself sick with theories of Patrick taking Zander away from me or us possibly having to move to Boston. I definitely need to talk to a lawyer to know my rights.
“Why don’t you go home? We’ve got this covered.”
I take him up on his offer, run back to the office to get my purse and get out of there.
I send Jax a text telling him I’m coming back early, and I will explain everything once I arrive.
I drive to his place on autopilot, using the silence to try to clear my thoughts, but the same one keeps popping in my head over and over again.
Patrick wouldn’t try to take Zander away from me, would he?
I know there’s always that possibility, and the more I think about it, the more fear grips my stomach, making me want to throw up.
I get to his place and walk into the condo in a zombie-like state.
Jax turns off the TV, stands up and walks over to me.
He doesn’t say a word when he grabs my hand and leads me into his bedroom.
I follow him in numb silence. He closes the door behind us, and before I can say anything, he pulls me into his arms and engulfs me in a blanket of strength.
I inhale his scent, and the safety I feel in his arms does me in.
I fist his sweater and bury my face in the crook of his neck, letting out all of my emotions from tonight.
He stays silent and just holds me, rubbing one of his hands up and down my spine in a soothing gesture.
After a couple of minutes, I calm down and take a couple of deep breaths. I lean back in his arms and look up at him with a sheepish grin. “Thank you for that. I’m sorry I snotted all over your sweater.” I rub at the wet spot I left behind.
“You can snot all over me anytime,” he teases. He takes my hand and walks us over to the bed and sits us down. “Tell me what happened.”
I take another deep breath and slowly drag it out. “After five years, it finally happened. He just randomly showed up.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t believe it.”
“How did he take the news?” Jax asks while pushing a piece of my hair behind my ear.
“Not good. He was in denial, and then I showed him a photo of Zander, and that seemed to have convinced him.”
“So Zander looks like him?” he asks.
I nod. “He has his eyes and dimples.”
Jax is silent for a moment and then asks, “What’s next?”
“We might meet him Sunday morning at a park. I will know more tomorrow.”
“I’m going with you.”
I gently cup his face and smile. “No, but thank you for offering. You need to concentrate on making the playoffs and being there for your team. Besides, if anyone goes, it will be my parents.” I feel Jax’s jaw clench and know he doesn’t like my answer.
I decide not to tell him I already told my parents no as well.
I drop my hands and wring them in my lap, panic starting to fester.
“I know he’s going to fall in love with Zander as soon as he meets him.
Everyone does. I just pray he doesn’t take me to court and ask for full physical custody.
” The thought blurs my vision with new tears, and they silently fall down my cheeks.
Jax lifts my chin and uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe my tears away.
“Look at me,” Jax demands, and I lift my gaze to him. “We’re going to hire the best family lawyer in Chicago. If that asshole tries to take Zander away from you, his life will be ruined. We’ll make sure all of his dirty secrets come out so no judge would ever give him full custody.”
I shake my head. “What if he has no secrets? He doesn’t even seem to be an asshole.”
“You don’t know him, Kiley.” Jax sighs and places a sweet peck on my lips. “Let’s just pray for the best and hope that he’s a sensible man. Even if he’s not, you’re going to have the best lawyer.”
“We’ll see. I need to find out how much the lawyer’s fees are.”
“I’ve got you covered.”
“No, Jax. This is not your problem. I will handle this.” He starts to argue, but I hold up my hand. “This subject is closed. I’m mentally and physically drained, and I want to go to bed.” I stand up, but he grabs my arm and gently pulls me back down.
“Sleep in here tonight. I’ll set an alarm for you to wake up before the kids.” When I give him a weary look, he smiles. “I promise all we’ll do is sleep.”
Too tired to argue, I nod and kick off my shoes.
I crawl to the top of the bed and get under the covers, not caring that I’m still in my work clothes and haven’t gotten ready for bed.
My eyelids feel like a ton of bricks, and I can’t seem to keep my eyes open.
Jax must sense that I need to be held because he comes up from behind and wraps his arms around my waist.
I sigh in contentment and soon, I’m fast asleep.