Chapter 36 #2
She reaches across the table, taking my hand like she did the morning she told me Leanna was dead.
“I can’t imagine how it must feel to know your biological parents didn’t want you, Chase.
And maybe if my Harry—your dad—hadn’t died when he did, you’d have more trust in the world that people don’t leave.
But I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.
Neither are Jake or Dylan. We’re your family, and we have been since the day you arrived. ”
I swallow and it feels like there’s a rock lodged in my throat. “I know. That’s what eats me up. I feel like I have no right to feel angry or upset about my past because I’ve had the best upbringing anyone could’ve asked for. I love you guys so much.”
“We know. But both things can be true, Chase,” Mama says, echoing something I’d started to consider before Leanna died. “You can be upset and still recognize the good in your world.”
We sit in silence for a while, sipping our cocoa. It’s rich and creamy and tastes like the winter nights of my childhood. The only sound is the ticking of the wall clock and the soft hum of the fridge.
“Serena’s pregnant,” I say. The words still feel unfamiliar, still steal my breath with a fear I can’t name. “She told me yesterday, and I freaked out and walked away.”
“Oh, Chase.” Mama squeezes my hand.
“I thought I was only fun uncle material, Mama. I didn’t think I could have a family without repeating the mistakes my parents made.”
A frown deepens the lines on Mama’s brow.
She looks sad and like she’d walk through fire to take my pain away from me.
I know she would, too. “We get to choose who we are, Chase. And you can be anyone you want to be. For what it’s worth, I think you’ll be an amazing father.
The way you light up every room you walk into.
You might not see it, Chase, but you light up the world with joy and fun and love. ”
“But what if I mess it up?” I whisper.
Mama leans in. “Love isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about choosing to stay. Choosing to show up every day and be there for the other person.
We don’t give up on what we love. Or who we love.
” She lets her words sink in for a moment before she continues.
“You think your dad and I were good parents? You think we had a damn clue what we were doing with three growing boys and a ranch that barely turned a profit most years? We didn’t.
” She smiles softly. “But we kept showing up for you boys and for each other. That’s all love is. Showing up every day.”
I rub a hand over the ache in my shoulder. “You make it sound easy.”
“Lots about life isn’t easy. But making the decision to be there for someone? That part is.”
I inhale sharply, like the air around me has changed. Like maybe I’m starting to see clearly for the first time in months. Years. Forever?
“I’m scared. I don’t know if I can be a father.”
“All first-time parents feel the same,” she says. “And how do you think Serena’s feeling?”
I picture her face in the parking lot yesterday.
That raw, wild fear in her eyes. Then I imagine her sitting alone in the doctor’s waiting room, and I hate myself a little more.
“She’s always wanted a family, but it’s part of this big dream she has.
Fall in love. Get married. Buy the perfect house.
Then start a family. Doing it out of order? She’s probably scared, too.”
Mama rests a hand over mine. “And you love her?”
I don’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“I don’t mean as a best friend, Chase. I mean real love.
The kind of love that makes butterflies dance in your stomach.
Love that means you can’t stand not to reach out and touch them anytime they’re near.
” There’s a quiver in her voice, and I know she’s thinking of Dad.
It’s been over twenty years since the storm and the horse accident that took his life, but I still remember them dancing in the kitchen together anytime a song came on the radio they liked.
I remember the love they had for each other.
“Being with her is the only time I feel whole,” I admit. “But that doesn’t take the fear away. I’m scared I’ll walk away when it gets hard, and I’ll ruin Serena’s life and the life of this baby. I’m scared I won’t be good enough.”
Mama squeezes my hand. “All you have to do is show up every day.”
I nod, the weight in my chest finally beginning to shift. Slow at first, like ice cracking after a long freeze. I just have to show up. I let the words sink in until the fear stops feeling like something I should run from, but something to move through.
I’ve been telling myself my whole life I’m not cut out for forever.
That I’d only end up walking away like my mom and dad did.
But I’m finally starting to get it. I don’t have to repeat their mistakes.
I don’t have to run. I can choose. I can choose to stay, to fight, to be the man Serena and this baby deserve.
Hell, maybe the man I deserve to be, too.
I’ve spent years convincing myself I wasn’t enough for her.
But she’s been enough for me since I was nine years old.
And I’m done letting fear make my decisions.
Every doubt, every excuse, every wall I built crumbles. Serena’s carrying my child, and she’s carried my heart since we were kids.
I pull out my phone and type fast as a plan starts to form:
CHASE: I need your help. Meet at mine tomorrow at 8am.
JAKE: You know we just won our last game of the season, right? I was planning to be sleeping off the celebration tomorrow morning.
CHASE: It’s important.
DYLAN: What do you need?
CHASE: Bring your tools. And bring Harper, Izzy, and Mad if they’re free.
JAKE: I’m gonna need coffee and muffins.
CHASE: Eggplant and chili flavor OK?
DYLAN: Chase is back!
JAKE: About time! See you tomorrow!
I pocket my phone.
I’m done letting the past hold me back. It may have shaped the man I am, but it doesn’t get to define my future. That’s mine to build—one step, one choice, one promise at a time. And I’m starting now. I’m choosing Serena.
If I’m not too late…