Chapter 14 Caroline
CAROLINE
Riding in Justin’s truck was like living a replay. He had the same vehicle, and everything inside was exactly as it was the last time she’d ridden beside him.
Except the people.
She and Justin had changed, and not even the lingering scent of the year they’d spent together could take them back.
“Where are we going?” she asked for the third time.
“I want it to be a surprise, but I’ll tell you if you insist on knowing.”
She didn’t have to know. She trusted him to at least keep her physically safe wherever they were. Trusting him not to break her heart again was another story. That was a pain she didn’t want to experience ever again.
The dark miles passed as he drove, and the distance between them on the bench seat stretched until they were miles apart.
With the years and heartbreak that separated them, was it wrong to want the closeness they’d once had?
Even now, she eyed his hand resting casually on the bench and wanted to reach for it. She wanted him to reach for her.
The cool front she’d played all day wasn’t the real her.
She couldn’t stay mad at someone who’d cleaned her shop bathrooms, mopped under the shelves in the walk-in fridge, and taken out the trash three times without being asked.
Perhaps it was foolhardy to rekindle the past with the boy who’d run off with her heart, but seeing a glimpse of the man who’d barged back into her life reminded her why she’d missed him all these years.
Justin turned onto another road, and everything clicked into place.
She turned to him and straightened her spine. “Why are we here?”
Shadows slid over his face as he drove toward the Reynolds’ barn. Even in the darkness, she knew every curve and angle of him. He’d changed but only improved.
“I thought we could have our own barn dance.”
Caroline gripped her hands together in her lap until her fingers throbbed. She was in way over her head. This was more than her defenses could handle. “Justin, we can’t sneak into their barn.”
He turned to her, tilting his head down and looking away from the path long enough to ask, “Do you think I’d ever break the law?”
No. He wouldn’t. After all his dad had done, Justin was determined to break the lawless curse on his family line.
It was one of the things they’d prayed endlessly about in that year.
It was what had convinced him to believe in the one and only God—the one who didn’t punish the son for the sins of the father.
“So, they know we’re here?” she asked.
“I had help. The Reynolds are big fans of Alicia, and they let her come in and get things ready.”
“Ready for what?”
Justin parked the truck and killed the engine. The noise dispersed around them until the only sounds were the wisps of their breaths. “The barn dance we never had.”
Her chest was caving in—collapsing in on everything she knew. “We didn’t need a dance,” she whispered.
Justin nodded once before turning to look at the barn through the windshield. “You’re right. We had it all. I ruined that.”
Habit wanted her to disagree with him. He’d always been quick to criticize himself. In this case, she agreed with him—he’d shown her pure happiness, then took it away.
When she slid out of the truck, Justin held out his arm for her. She could take it. She could wrap her hands around his arm again without falling to her knees to beg for more.
Tentatively, she reached out and slid her arm into the crook of his, and he gently pulled her closer before resting his other hand on top of hers.
“Will you go to the Christmas barn dance with me?” he asked.
Oh cupcakes. When she looked up, he was staring, waiting for an answer. She’d agreed to dinner, not a full-on roundup of her wild heart.
Justin opened the barn door, and the light flooded the night.
Chandeliers hung from the rafters, the Christmas lights wound around every beam and doorframe, and a single round table with two chairs sat in the middle of the room, draped in a white tablecloth.
An old country love song brought her headlong into the annual event she’d skipped every year since Justin left.
Justin pulled out one of the chairs and waved his hand for her to sit before taking the other for himself.
A short, clear vase on one side of the table held a single peony—her favorite flower.
How had he even found one when they were out of season?
She reached to touch it, and the soft petal brushed over her fingertips like air.
Alicia appeared beside the table with a pitcher of ice water and a smile that said she was firmly on Team Justin. “Good evening. I’m Alicia, and I’ll be your waitress tonight. Can I start you off with some water?”
“Sure.” Caroline handed over her wine glass and tried her best to stare a hole through her traitorous sister-in-law.
“Tonight’s menu has already been set, but we are confident you’ll love the surprise.” Alicia probably loved playing the part of matchmaker waitress. “I’ll be back in a moment with your appetizer.”
Caroline’s mouth hung open as Alicia walked away. “Appetizer? I thought we’d just grab a sandwich or something. It’s after nine o’clock.”
Justin leaned forward on the table, giving her a clear view of the face she’d once known better than her own. “I’m trying to keep you here as long as possible. Let me have this, please.”
Donut holes, the exhaustion made it difficult to argue with him. “Fine.”
Alicia was back before Caroline even finished her relenting and placed a platter in the center of the table. “Your first course is bacon wrapped shrimp with a brown sugar glaze.”
Caroline glanced from Justin to Alicia. “Did you make these?”
Leaning down, Alicia whispered, “Mom did.”
Mom was in on this? Oh biscuits. Now Caroline’s thoughts and feelings were tangled up in an annoying knot.
She’d known her parents might be upset when they found out about the secret relationship she’d had with Justin, but she never expected them to support them.
Justin reached his hand across the table. “Can I pray for us?”
She smiled as she laid her hand in his, fingers barely touching.
“Father, we humble ourselves before You today and every day. We don’t deserve Your love, but we’re grateful You give it anyway. Please bless the food to our bodies so we can do more work for You. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.”
Caroline pulled her hand back as soon as the prayer ended. The brush of his palm against hers felt too safe. It was enough to make her forget why she needed to guard her heart.
“So, when did the Burrows hand over the bakery?” Justin asked as he picked up a bacon-wrapped shrimp.
Work. Sure, she could talk about work. “A few years ago. Mr. Burrows was going through some health problems, and it was just too much for them at the time. Plus, they wanted to retire.”
Justin nodded. “I knew you would do it, and I knew you’d do well. I just didn’t know you’d be a rockstar boss.”
“Ha! Rockstar boss?” Ugh, why did his praise make her feel like a queen? She was supposed to be resisting!
“I watched you run the place today. You’re completely in your element, and both the employees and customers love you.”
Caroline picked up a shrimp and stared at it, frowning while trying—and failing—to find a dark motive beneath his nice words. “Thank you. I love them too. How was it playing in the major league?”
He wiped his fingers on the napkin in his lap. “It had its pros and cons.”
“Like what?”
“Like, I was able to afford the best assisted living facility for my grandparents. I could also visit them a lot, and it was great to know they were happy.”
Caroline hung her head, unable to look at him when he confessed that the best things about living his dream were helping others. “That sounds great.”
“There were downsides too. I know I messed up our chances. I missed out on a life with you. I thought you’d be better off without me. I thought you’d find someone better and… But that doesn’t mean I wanted you to. I’m still selfish enough to want you, even though I don’t deserve you.”
His confession kicked the breath out of her, and her voice was breathy as she stood up. “You can’t say that.”
“Can’t say what? It’s the truth, Caroline. I never meant to hurt you, but I was afraid it would tear you apart from your family if you left with me when they needed you and you needed them.”
She took a small step away from the table. “You didn’t even ask me to leave with you.” Fudge, why did her voice have to break now?
Justin stood but didn’t advance. “Because I knew you’d regret it later.
Dom had just been sentenced, and your mom was grieving.
You all were. I couldn’t even comfort you like I wanted to because we hadn’t told them this big secret that we were in love, and telling them with all of that going on would have caused more trouble. ”
Great. The tears stung at the back of her eyes, and her nose tingled. She was going to cry onto the shrimp, and nothing could stop it. “I waited by the door for you. I waited by the phone. I waited and screamed because my life—my happiness—was breaking apart when you never came.”
Justin rounded the table to be beside her. “I’m sorry for not trying harder to make this work. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I know I made the worst mistake of my life. I wish I could go back and change it, but I understand if you can’t forgive me.”
She couldn’t be this close to him, and hear the exact words she’d been hoping for since he left, without crumbling. Rubbing her hands over her face, she whispered, “The more you say, the less I know. It’s safer to be upset with you than let myself believe this is real.”