Chapter 16
It’s hard to believe in forever when you’ve watched people fall apart.
Terri
I chew on my lip as Nolan drives toward the hospital. It’s a good thing it isn’t far because his driving is beyond erratic. First, speeding up. Then, swearing like a naughty pirate and slowing down. If I was feeling nauseous today, I’d have thrown up all over the car.
We arrive at the hospital and Nolan parks in front of the emergency room.
“You can’t park here.”
“And yet I did.” He jumps out and hurries around to open my door.
“I’m serious, Nolan. You can’t block the ambulance.”
A nurse rushes out with a wheelchair. Nolan lifts me out of my seat and places me in the wheelchair.
“I don’t need a wheelchair, and you need to move the SUV.”
He kisses my hair. “Please calm down. It’s not good for the baby.”
He’s right. I need to be calm. I blow out a breath. “I’m trying.”
He throws the keys to a security guard. “Can you move this out of the way?”
The security guard stares at him. “Shit. Are you Nolan Allen?”
“I’ll sign whatever you want and get you a jersey, if you’ll move the SUV.”
The guard rushes to the vehicle. “Thanks, man.”
“There. All handled.” Nolan wheels me inside.
We don’t make it to the check-in desk before Dr. Allens comes rushing toward us. “What happened?”
“Some quarterback thought it’d be fun to nail me in the nose.” I lift the napkin from my face to show her the damage.
The doctor motions for us to follow her. I wait until we’re behind closed doors to speak.
“I don’t care about my nose. I want to check on the baby.”
Her eyes widen, and she nods toward Nolan. “The baby?”
“He knows. He’s the daddy.”
Nolan offers her his hand. “Nice to meet you, doc.”
Her mouth drops open. “Nolan Allen is the father of your baby?”
“Would everyone stop gawking at Mr. Quarterback and help me?” I screech.
Dr. Allens clears her throat. “Of course.” She pats the bed. “Hop on up and I’ll have a look.”
I don’t get a chance to stand before Nolan is there, picking me up and carrying me to the bed.
“I thought we agreed I’m not an invalid,” I protest despite enjoying the way his arms feel around me.
He kisses my forehead. “And I explained I’m going to take care of you no matter how much you bitch.”
Dr. Allens sighs and I glare at her. She raises her palms in the air. “Sorry, but you have to admit the big strapping football player carrying you around is adorable.”
“I admit to nothing.”
Nolan chuckles. “My stubborn little sprite.”
“Ah, he calls you sprite. It’s adorable.”
I snarl at her. “I’m blaming you if the entire town is wagging their tongues about my pregnancy before sundown.”
She bristles. “I’m a professional.”
“Can you check her over?” Nolan asks.
“Most certainly.” She removes the napkin from my face. “The bleeding has stopped.” She examines the area. “Your nose doesn’t appear broken.”
“I’m not worried about my nose. I’m worried about…” I motion to my belly.
“Tell me exactly what happened.”
“It’s my fault.” Nolan’s cheeks darken. “I was showing off and I overthrew the ball. Tanner couldn’t catch it in time. Instead, I hit Terri in the nose.”
“I’m going to check for signs of concussion.” She motions to Nolan, who’s now pacing the room, which is not big enough to pace. He walks two steps before he hits the wall and has to turn around. “Do you want him to stay?”
Nolan growls. “I’m not leaving.”
I could fight him but I want him here. Despite how his fear and worry are stealing the air from the room, his presence brings me comfort. Because he’s right. I’m always caring for everyone else. It’s nice to be the one cared for, for a change.
“It’s okay.”
The doctor shines a small light into my eyes. “Any dizziness?”
“Only from the quarterback hyperventilating in the corner.”
Nolan stops pacing long enough to glare at me. “This is no time to joke.”
Dr. Allens continues. “What day is today?”
“Saturday.”
“Good. Who hit you with the football?”
I point at Nolan. “The oversized quarterback.”
The doctor chuckles. “You don’t appear concussed. I don’t think imaging is necessary. But just in case, you should rest, avoid alcohol, and have someone stay with you for the next few hours.”
“I’ll stay with her,” Nolan says.
“I can sleep at my dad’s tonight.”
“Not happening.” He focuses his attention on the doctor. “Could this have harmed the baby? Is there any way to check?”
Dr. Allens’ gaze sharpens on me. “Did you fall after being hit?”
“I lost my balance.”
“Did you lose consciousness?”
“No.”
“Did you hit your abdomen at all?”
“No.”
“Any cramping?”
“No.”
“Have you had any dizziness or fainting?”
“No.”
“What about a headache?”
I shake my head.
“Is the nausea worse than before?”
“I usually only feel nauseous in the morning now.”
She pats my hand. “A football to the nose isn’t going to hurt the baby.”
“But my history.”
Her eyes are full of sympathy. “A family history of miscarriage doesn’t automatically mean you’ll have complications. And without knowing the circumstances, there’s no reason to assume the same thing will happen to you.”
Nolan rushes to me. He grasps my hands. “Have you lost a child before, sprite? Why didn’t you tell me?”
The doctor clears her throat. “I’ll let you two discuss things. I’ll send in a nurse to clean up your face in a few minutes.”
The door closes behind the doctor and silence falls.
“Terri, sweetheart, please tell me. My mind is going crazy imagining all kinds of horrible things.”
I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want to admit my darkest, scariest fears. But his blue eyes are full of worry. It’s not fair to keep him in the dark.
“I’ve never been pregnant before.”
His brow wrinkles. “But the miscarriages?”
“My mom had a miscarriage when I was ten.” Memories of my mom flash through my mind. Her excitement when she was pregnant. Her absolute conviction the baby’s father would love her forever. Her joy at giving me a younger sibling.
I wish I could enjoy those memories but I can’t. Not with what came afterwards.
Nolan grabs a chair and drags it over to the bed to sit next to me.
“I’m sorry your mom had a miscarriage. It must have been hard for her.”
“You have no idea.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’d like to have an idea. If you’re willing to share with me.”
I drop my gaze to contemplate my hands in my lap. I don’t want to discuss this. I don’t want to go back there.
But he has a right to know. A right to know why this pregnancy is terrifying to me. A right to know why this baby might never be born.
My breath hitches. Our baby never born? I can’t contemplate it. I want this baby.
I want this baby. It’s the first time I’ve admitted to myself how much I want to bring this child to life. Despite how scary carrying this baby is. I want my little mermaid.
Nolan squeezes my hand. “Sweetheart, you’re scaring me.”
“After Mom lost the baby, her boyfriend disappeared and Mom…” Tears well in my eyes. “She kind of disappeared, too. She refused to get out of bed. She stopped eating. Stopping taking care of herself. And then…”
He wipes the tears from my face. “You don’t have to tell me. I don’t need to know. This is too much for you. We’ll discuss it another time.”
I shackle his wrist and raise my gaze to meet his. Those blue eyes I’m slowly becoming obsessed with give me the courage to finish.
“I came home from school one day and I couldn’t wake her. She’d … ah… swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills.”
“Oh sweetheart,” he mutters before gathering me into his arms. He climbs onto the bed and I cuddle into him. He soothes a hand down my back as I let all the fear and anguish from my past consume me.