Chapter 35
It’s difficult to have a serious conversation after a failed uprising.
Nolan
I drum my fingers on the steering wheel as I drive to the Coastal State University for practice and my meeting with Coach Knox.
I’m tempted – so fucking tempted – to phone Hudson. How dare he fire Terri for having a relationship with me? It’s not as if it’s a conflict of interest. What does he think I’m going to do? Tell off the bridezillas who make her life hell.
Huh. Not a bad idea. But it doesn’t solve today’s problem.
I promised Terri I’d let her handle the matter. I want to keep my promise. I need to keep my promise.
But it’s Terri. The woman I love who’s carrying my baby. I want to fight all her battles for her. I want to protect her from all the bad things in the world.
I arrive at the college stadium and park.
The parking lot is already full. I check the time.
I’m running late. I prefer to arrive before the rest of the players to set a good example.
I shouldn’t have wasted time returning to the resort to get clean clothes, but I didn’t want anyone teasing me about where I spent the night.
I step out of my SUV and notice Corbin, Brock, Tanner, and Gage walking toward me. I lift my chin.
“You’re late,” Brock grumbles.
“I’m not late.”
“Late for you,” Corbin clarifies.
“Got stuff going on.”
Tanner dances around me. “What kind of stuff?” He waggles his eyebrows. “The naked stuff.” He feigns kissing someone. “Oh, Terri.”
I wrap my hand around his neck. “You do not make fun of her.”
Gage clears his throat. “It’s probably not a good idea to choke out the wide receiver before practice.”
I release Tanner. “I don’t need this shit. I have enough stuff to worry about.”
Brock frowns. “You worried about becoming a dad?”
“You shouldn’t be. You’re the leader of this team. You’ll be a great dad,” Corbin says.
Those words mean a lot coming from Corbin. He’s quiet and reserved. He only speaks when he has something to say.
I nod to him. “Thanks. But I’m not worried about being a dad.” I am worried, but not at this particular moment.
“What’s going on?” Gage asks as we reach the tunnel that leads to the locker rooms.
I slow my steps. “Terri thinks Hudson is firing her. He called her in for an early morning meeting. Something he never does.”
“Whoa. He can’t fire Terri. She’s an awesome event coordinator,” Tanner says.
My brow wrinkles. “How would you know?”
He shrugs and his cheeks darken. “She’s friends with Alaia.”
His relationship with Alaia isn’t fake anymore. Everybody knows it. Except him. He doesn’t realize how deep he’s fallen.
Brock grunts. “We’ll walk out.”
“Walk out? Walk out of where?”
“The resort. If Hudson fires Terri, we leave the resort as a team,” he says as we enter the locker room.
“Why are we leaving the resort?” Lamar asks, and all the chatter in the locker room dies.
“Hudson’s firing Terri for having a relationship with me.”
“This is bullshit!” Lamar shouts, and the rest of the team nods in agreement.
Gage elbows me. “You should message her. Let her know. Pressure Hudson a bit.”
I smile for the first time since Terri’s phone beeped with a message this morning. “I think I will.”
I talked to the team. We’re ready to walk out of the resort if Hudson fires you.
“This isn’t enough,” Lamar declares.
I thread a hand through my hair. “It’s not?”
“No. We need to organize. Make some posters. We can form a picket line.”
I blink at him. “Posters? Where the hell are you getting posters?”
“I got it,” Beck hollers. “I’ve got posters and markers in my car.”
He hurries off before I can ask why the hell he has posters and markers in his car.
“In the meantime, let’s practice our chant,” Lamar says. “Everyone ready? Here’s the chant. I say: What do we want? You say: Keep Terri!: I say: When do we want it? You say: After breakfast. Got it? Let’s practice.”
The entire team starts practicing the chant.
“Um, when did Lamar become the cheerleader for the team?” I ask.
“Since his youngest daughter decided she wanted to be a cheerleader for the Seals,” Brock replies. “He’s been teaching her moves ever since.”
I check my phone. Terri still hasn’t replied. Fuck. Is Hudson firing her right this minute? I message her again:
The offensive line is making protest posters now.
This time three dots appear to indicate she’s responding. I hold my breath.
No need to protest. I got a promotion. I’m the new resort operations manager!
My breath wheezes out of me. She’s not getting fired. She’s getting promoted. My sprite is amazing.
Congrats! I’ll tell the team to stand down. I’ll be by tonight to celebrate. I’m so fucking proud of you, sprite. You deserve this.
I whistle and the chatter in the locker room dies down. “Terri didn’t get fired. She got promoted.”
Cheers erupt. Followed by several claps on the back. My shoulder protests but I ignore it. This is the best news. I can finally breathe again.
Terri’s job is important to her. Losing it would have hurt. She has enough going on without adding a job search to her pile of burdens.
“Allen!” Coach Knox shouts. I meet his gaze. “My office. Now!”
“Someone’s in trouble,” Tanner sings.
I give him the finger as I walk through the team on my way to Knox’s office. With all the worry about Terri, I forgot about my meeting with Knox.
“Hey, Coach Cha-Cha.” I deliberately throw out the nickname he hates to lighten the mood.
“Sit,” he barks. The mood is officially not lightened.
“What is it?” I ask once I’m sitting. I know why I’m here. I know what he’s going to say. I’m fucking terrified to hear the words.
Knox leans against his desk and crosses his arms over his chest. “You’ve been playing scared.”
“I’m not—”
He holds up a hand. “Save all your bullshit for someone else. Someone who hasn’t been here all summer. Someone who hasn’t watched you wince every time you throw a spiral. Someone who hasn’t witnessed you rubbing your shoulder whenever you thought someone wasn’t looking.”
Damn. How am I supposed to argue with him when he obviously knows the truth? He’s seen it.
“Playing it forward doesn't mean pretending the future isn't coming.”
Those words hit me hard. My father spends all his time looking backward – at lost games, lost opportunities, lost glory. I don’t want to be him. I want to be a better man. A better father. A better football player.
“You're acting like admitting you're hurt means you've lost. It doesn't. It means you're finally looking ahead.”
“I’m looking ahead. I’ve got my sights set on the Super Bowl.”
He lifts a brow. “The Super Bowl? With your shoulder?”
I grit my teeth. “I can do it. Even with a hurt shoulder, I’m one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL.”
“At what cost?”
I don’t answer.
He sighs. “Nolan. Admit it. How bad is it?”
My facade crumbles and I tell him the truth – all of it. “I can’t feel my fingers sometimes. Recovery is taking longer than I ever expected. I ice and heat and do my physical therapy, but the recovery just isn’t there. I’m…”
I pause. I haven’t admitted this next part to anyone. Not even Terri. “I’m terrified I won’t be able to throw a football with my kid someday.”
He shakes his head. “I would do anything to go back in time and be there while my son grew up. I trusted the wrong person and I lost those years. Are you willing to lose out with your child?”
“I just want to make it to the Super Bowl. This is our year. Everyone knows it.”
He scowls. “You're so busy fighting to keep what you've got that you haven't stopped to think of who you’re becoming.”
“Who I’m becoming? What do you mean?”
He lifts an eyebrow. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life looking backward?”
Like my dad. The unspoken words hang in the air.
“FUCK!” I shout as I jump to my feet.
I’ve spent the past weeks with Terri promising her I wouldn’t become my father. Promising her I’d be a better man. And what am I doing?
I’m acting exactly the way my father would. Sure, I cancelled my March obligations when the baby is due to arrive. But before then? I was planning to play the entire season. Despite being hurt. Despite Terri being pregnant. Despite knowing how the pregnancy worries her.
I was choosing football over the woman I love. Over the little mermaid we’re having together.
No wonder Terri was hesitant to get involved with me. She saw through my little scam when I didn’t even realize I was scamming her.
“I think it’s time to talk retirement.”
“I’ll set up a meeting. We’ll figure out the best way to transition the team to a new quarterback. And I’m here whenever you need to talk.” Knox points to the door. “In the meantime, get your ass on the field.”