14. Dee
Chapter fourteen
Dee
“Icome bearing gifts.” I push the tin of cookies into Ellie’s hands.
“Are these boobs?” she asks as I step through her front door, tossing my jacket onto the front hall bench and kicking my shoes off.
I peer inside the tin, worried for a moment the icing got messed up.
Nope. They’re still perfect.
“You bet, babe. Two plus years breastfeeding and your tatas finally got their freedom back? This is the kind of celebration that deserves boobie cookies. I’m calling them bookies. Appropriate for book club night, right?” I lean in, kissing her cheek. “Way to kick breastfeeding’s ass, El.”
“You make it sound like I won a fight.”
“Didn’t you?” Her smile is genuine as she presses the lid back into place before leading me into the kitchen to join the other girls. Everyone is gathered around the kitchen island. “Hello, smut sisters. Did you start without me?”
“Yes, because you’re”—Bec checks her watch—“thirty minutes late.”
“Sorry, couldn’t get the nipples quite right. Had to redo a few.”
Carissa nearly spits her drink onto the counter, but manages to choke it down before asking, “Did you say nipples?”
“Dee brought a gift,” Ellie says, unveiling the cookies to the group.
“To boobs,” I cheer, accepting the beer Bec hands me and hoisting it in the air. “Specifically, to Ellie’s boobs and all they’ve accomplished.”
“They can finally retire,” Ellie says with a laugh.
“Retire? Nah, I think it’s time for them to see the world. Take them to Rome. Take them to Greece. Take them everywhere they’ve ever dreamed of,” I insist.
“Beep-boop-beep. Daddy Robot signing off.”
I peer at the baby monitor on the counter. “Ellie. Why is there a robot in Luca’s room?”
“Oh.” She zooms in the camera on the device until we see Dominic doing the weakest robot arms I’ve ever seen.
“Dom has to read the last book of the night as a robot or Luca won’t go to sleep.
It’s what’s been working for the last four weeks, and when you find what works, you don’t change it.
Before that, I had to sing the ABCs as a tiger three times before he’d even consider allowing me to put his pajamas on. ”
“I have a feeling Dom enjoys this,” Carissa says.
Dominic spits out a long, strangled buzzing sound. “Mechanical malfunction detected. Daddy Robot says goooood niiiiight.”
“Oh, way too much,” Ellie says, eyes on her husband and son with that glowing adoration she always wears for them.
“So, what did your roommate think of your baking adventures today?” Abby asks, stealing a set of knockers out of the tin and taking a bite. “Oh my god, they’re actually really good.”
“Of course they are.” I bump my hip against Evie’s, the only one of us with actual talent in a kitchen. “Thanks for the recipe.”
“Anytime.” She smiles back at me. “Though I think it’s only fair I take a set as payment.”
With cookies and drinks in hand, we make our way to the living room, get comfortable, and dive into our latest book club pick—Carissa’s this month, a small-town romance that was surprisingly hot.
“Okay, Dee. It’s your turn to host book club next month and Evie’s turn to pick the book.”
“I’ve got the perfect one.” Evie opens her phone and reveals the sexiest alien—yes, I said alien—I’ve ever seen on a book cover.
“Damn, Evie. To infinity and beyond?” Bec asks her soon-to-be sister-in-law, disbelief clear on her face.
“And beyond,” Evie replies, her brows lifting.
“Oh God, we’ve fully corrupted her. The transformation is complete. I’m so proud.” I wipe fake tears from my cheeks before applauding her pick.
“Should be an interesting one for your roommate to experience.” Abby winks, and I can’t help but laugh picturing Dylan getting his first taste of alien romance.
“Maybe I’ll achieve the impossible and get him to read along with me,” I say with a shrug. “I’ll tell him it’s good research and can only help him in his futile efforts to win.”
“Uh, did I miss something? What exactly is he trying to win?” Bec asks, reaching for another cookie.
I look around my circle of friends only to see them exchanging confused glances with one another and then turn to me expectantly.
“Oh.” I slap my palm to my forehead. “I totally forgot I didn’t tell you.
Dylan wants to bring a date to your wedding.
I offered to help him. He wanted to reciprocate or whatever.
Doesn’t matter.” I wave them off. “What he doesn’t realize is that I’m the superior matchmaker and I’ve got this in the bag. ”
“So, you two are finding dates for one another,” Ellie says hesitantly.
“Uh, yeah?” I wipe my palm against my leggings. Why does it feel like this is going to turn into an interrogation? “Is that weird?”
“Not necessarily,” Carissa says, twirling her phone as it rests on one corner of the table. “It’s just the two of you have been spending a lot of time together.”
I cackle. Absolutely fall to pieces. Tears streaming down my face. A minute passes before I realize I’m the only one laughing.
“Wait, do you guys think—” I wipe my tears. “Do you guys think there’s something between Dylan and me?”
“Clearly we were wrong,” Bec says, disgruntled.
“Very,” I add to clear up any confusion.
“How could we think two attractive, single people with charisma and competitiveness streaming out of their every pore might slip into a little bit of attraction with each other,” Abby adds with a heavy dose of sarcasm. “How could we possibly make such a dumb assumption?”
“It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes.” I smile at them, a huge, cheesy grin.
“Now, who wants to help me with the fun part. I’ve logged out of all my dating apps, and he’s done the same on his phone.
We’ve logged into our own accounts on each other’s phones so we can make some magic happen in addition to our in-person efforts.
I’ve got this girl from my gym in mind, but it can’t hurt to have the digital age on my side in this fight. ”
“Oooo, let me see.” Evie scooches closer to me on the couch, leaning against my side as I hold my phone between us, showing her Dylan’s dating profile, which is a thousand times better thanks to the changes I made. “Hey, this looks good.”
“Thank you very much,” I say smugly. “Now you can help me get a pool of candidates.” I slip down to the floor and place my phone in the center of the coffee table.
I lift my hands to the ceiling then bring them to rest at the center of my chest in a prayer pose.
“Dear dating goddesses of the Midwest.” I close my eyes, lifting my hands back to the ceiling.
“Please bring us the best of the best, so that I may win this bet and forever lord my success over Dylan, therefore owing me for the rest of his life. Amen.”
“Amen,” the girls echo around their laughter.
“Okay, let’s begin.”
Twenty minutes later and we’re still debating whether Dylan is mature enough to handle dating a lawyer.
“Go back to her résumé.” I tick off my fingers.
“She’s gorgeous. She volunteers for charity.
She likes video games. We’re not going to find better than her,” I argue.
“Plus”—I tick off another point on my finger—“we all know someday one of us is going to need a lawyer. I want someone with legal know-how on my side when that day comes.”
“When you say one of us…” Bec coughs, and I swear it sounds an awful lot like my name.
“I mean one of us…who knows who it could be?” I add.
They exchange looks.
“We all know who it would be,” Abby adds confidently.
“I still don’t think they’re a good fit.
She doesn’t have any interest in music. Isn’t that a huge thing for Dylan?
I think it’s a deal breaker for something that important to him to be so unimportant to her.
There’s nothing wrong with either of them”—she puts her hands up in defense when she sees me about to defend my opinion—“but this just feels like too big of a difference to overlook.”
“Fine,” I say, leaning back against the couch. “Swipe left. But you’ll have to explain to Dylan that it was your interference that caused me to lose if I don’t come out on top here with a good wedding date for him.”
Carissa makes the final call as she swipes my ideal candidate away. She freezes, her entire body tensing as she looks at my phone. She lifts it off the table, bringing it within a foot of her face to get a closer look. “Well, holy shit.”
“I’m going to assume the dating app goddesses have finally blessed us with the most perfect wedding date based on the fact that Carissa is cussing,” I say, before sipping my drink.
Carissa absolutely beams at my comment. “You could say that. She does seem like a perfect match for him.”
Bec and Ellie lean into Carissa, sandwiching her between them, to get a glimpse of the screen. The two of them light up, giant smiles forming on their faces. They look at each other behind Carissa, then back to me.
“Oh, this could work,” Ellie says.
“I think she’s perfect for the job,” Bec agrees.
“And it looks like her dating profile was just updated…thirty minutes ago,” Carissa adds.
“Oh good.” I shrug. “She’s actively looking.”
“Don’t keep us waiting all night,” Abby says. “Tell us about her.”
“Well, she’s twenty-eight,” Carissa says.
“Almost twenty-nine,” Bec adds.
Abby crawls over to see the screen, biting her lips before reading, “‘Hobbies include reading, working out, dancing, and being a genuine ball of chaos and mayhem.’”
“I like her already,” I say.
Why are they staring at me?
“She’s an aunt. No kids. Bartends at nights and on weekends,” Evie adds, voice pitchy through her laughter.
Bec coughs, but I swear, it sounds like she’s barking the word terribly.
My spine straightens. Fuck.
“She’s—and I quote—‘five-foot-nothing.’ Dark hair, shoulder length. Favorite movie, Shrek 2.”
“A classic…” I shrug.
“Favorite band, The Killers,” Carissa says, eyes drilling into mine.
“What a super cool person. Does she happen to also be incredibly good looking and smart?” The girls all watch me with bright smiles on their faces.