Chapter 28
DORI
Tears threaten to fall as I stand with Melanie on the sidewalk in front of her apartment complex. “I can’t believe you’re leaving today. I’m crushed, but I’m so excited for you.”
“I am too, but I’m freaking the fuck out.” She hits her palm against the side of the moving truck. “My life is in here. It’s weird it’s going to be leaving without me.”
“That was nice of Jonah to offer to fly you out on their jet.”
“I know, Dori. He’s been really kind the last few days.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to see if he’d have a long-distance relationship?”
“That’s not a good idea. Can you imagine the issues that would surely come up?”
I balance my foot on top of one of the boxes the movers haven’t put in the truck yet. “I think you could make it work if you wanted to.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“Just because.” She gestures to the deli across the street from her place. “I’m hungry and need to get something to eat before I go. Do you want to grab a sandwich? ”
“Sure.” I turn and we stroll toward the stoplight. “You know, if you still have feelings for Jonah, you don’t have to cut it off.”
“I do. Jonah’s not the type of man to be okay with me being in another state. He likes a submissive and needs contact with her if he’s in a relationship.”
“I know nothing about being a submissive, so you’re probably right.”
“Stop lying to yourself.” She pushes my shoulder a little.
I stumble a bit to the side, but regain my balance. “How am I lying to myself?”
“Duh. You said Jami likes to be in control in the bedroom. That means you must be submissive.”
“Huh? I don’t look at it that way.”
“How do you see it?” She peeks over at me.
“More like a give and take. He tells me I can have all the pleasure I want, so I just thought…”
“You thought what?”
“I don’t know, but there’s no pain or torture involved, so I don’t see it that way.”
“Pain and torture aren’t always a part of being in a submissive relationship.”
“I know that, but I consider what we do more of a game. We have a flirtatious banter when we play. It’s a fun game and I love it, so I didn’t put the two together.”
“Call it whatever you want.”
We get to the crosswalk and wait for the signal to change.
She tucks her hair behind her ear and glances at me. “Back to the Jonah topic. I need to be flying solo when I get there. Come to think of it, I kinda feel like Jason Derulo.”
“Why?”
“He sings about riding solo, and I’ll be flying solo to Miami. It feels symbolic somehow.”
“Mel, that song is so old. ”
The light signals we can cross and she leads the way. “So what if it’s an old song? It’s still good.”
“You make me laugh. I’m going to miss you so much.”
“Why? You told me on Friday that you’re moving there soon. Time will fly and we’ll be together again.”
I step up onto the sidewalk and walk toward the deli. “I don’t know, Mel.”
She stops mid-stride and faces me. “Do not tell me you’re backing out.”
I sigh. “I have to find a job first.”
“Move first and find one once you get there.”
“How am I supposed to move when I don’t know how much money I’ll be making? I need the specifics so I know what I can afford.”
She raises her brows and plants her hand on her hip. “That is the weakest excuse you could’ve given.”
“It’s not an excuse.”
“It is because you have plenty of money. Shit, Dori. You have enough money to never have to work another day in your life.”
I shake my head. “I am not touching that money. It’s going to be returned as soon as I can get the routing numbers from Hunter.”
“Then move in with Jami. You’re practically living with him now, so I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind.”
My heart balloons at the thought. “Maybe, but he hasn’t broached the subject. I don’t want to put that kind of relationship pressure on him.”
She shrugs and continues to the deli. “Jami won’t think it’s pressure if you bring it up. Before he got shot, he told me he was going to your loft to get you back, and he wasn’t going to give up until he made you his for life.”
I look at her with rounded eyes as I open the door to the sandwich shop. “He told you that and you’re just now telling me? ”
She strolls in before me. “I got distracted by his near-death experience.”
“That makes sense.” I follow her in. “I told him this morning I was afraid to get pregnant again. It was terrifying.”
“Hold on to that thought. We can talk about it over lunch.”
I nod as we reach the counter and order our sandwiches and drinks. We find a table in the corner of the deli and get seated for lunch.
She lifts her turkey club. “Tell me about your conversation with Jami.”
“I was in the nursery, considering all the loss it represents. He came in and told me he wanted kids with me. It went from there. The worst part is it’s the anniversary of losing his son. I felt like the biggest asshole alive.” I take a bite of my avocado BLT.
She swallows her food. “Oh, Dori, that’s terrible for both of you. So how did it go?”
I pause until my mouth isn’t full. “He broke down, but once we talked, he asked me what I thought about surrogacy or something along those lines.”
“We’ve never talked about that. How do you feel about it?”
“I need to do more research about it and talk to my therapist. I don’t want to make a quick decision and then, for whatever reason, change my mind and hurt him.”
“That’s good thinking.”
“But I have to admit, knowing he wants to have a baby with me makes me…happy.”
“Understandable.” Mel analyzes me for a minute. “I’m giving you props, Dori.”
“Why?”
“In the past, you would’ve said or done whatever you thought would give you what you wanted. You want a future with Jami and you’re being responsible by taking his feelings into consideration.”
Warmth consumes me. “Thanks, Mel. That means a lot to me. I’ve been trying so hard to change, and sometimes, I think I’m not making any progress.”
“I’m not saying you should quit therapy anytime soon. You and Jami have a shit ton of things you need to figure out, and you tend to disappear when you get confused.”
I place my sandwich down. “I know. Not only are there my fears around getting pregnant, but I need to figure out what I’ll do if Hunter gets me reinstated.”
She wipes her mouth and puts the napkin in her lap. “You need to do what’s right for you, but I thought you decided to give Jami your all. If you go back to work with Hunter, you’re going to fuck that up.”
“But working there is important to me.” The muscles around my chest squeeze. “I know you don’t think you could do a long-distance relationship, but I think I could.”
“Dori, you can’t be working with Hunter and dating Jami, who’s in another state. It won’t work, and you know it. Decide what you want and stick to it.”
“I love Jami, and I’m not leaving him now that we’re finally together.”
“But if you stay here for your career, your relationship with him will be in jeopardy.”
“It wouldn’t be. We could?—”
“No. Listen to me. One of your complaints about being with Hunter was that he traveled all the time, and you wanted more with the man you married. What makes you think having a long-distance relationship with Jami would be any different?”
My shoulders lower, and I sigh heavily. “I don’t know, but my career is as important to me as having a relationship with Jami. I think I could make it work. ”
She places both palms on the table and leans toward me. “Why make it harder than it has to be with him?”
“I’m not trying to do that. I’m just trying to come up with a way that I stay true to myself while being in a relationship with him.”
She leans back. “Do what you need to do, but I’m warning you, a long-distance relationship with Jami won’t work. Especially if you’re working for Hunter.”
“It could.”
“Dori, think about it. If you and Jami have an argument and Hunter catches wind of it, he’ll let you cry on his shoulder. You’ll think he’s being kind and trying hard for you. It will confuse the fuck out of you. You’ll end up right back in the cycle you were in before.”
“You’ve made your point, but?—”
“Before you try to convince me your rationale makes sense, think about how Jami would feel. If you’re hanging out with Hunter, it would bring all of Jami’s insecurities to the surface. And we haven’t even touched on how you would feel if Jami was hanging out with a woman.”
“What makes you believe he would do that?”
“Duh, think about it. He and I are friends, and we hang out without you. You’re only okay with it because you know I would never cross that line.”
My thoughts go back to Jami bringing that up with me. Jealousy swarms in my chest. I’m not sure how I would deal with something like that. I can be sure it wouldn’t be constructive.
My phone beeps, alerting me I have a text. It’s a message from Jami. I smile until I read it.
A strike of anxiety hits me. “Shit.”
“What?”
I peek up at Melanie. “Jami talked to Aiden. I can only imagine how terrible their conversation went. ”
Mel’s eyes widen. “Do you think Jami told Aiden about you two?”
“If the angry hummingbirds flying around in my stomach right now are any indication, I’d say yes.”
“Sorry, Dori.”
“What should I do? Aiden’s going to call me, and I need to be prepared.”
“Are you ready to talk to him about your relationship with Jami?”
I lose my appetite and push my food away. “Yes and no. Aiden’s not going to be happy. He can be mean to me when he’s upset.”
“He likes to be in control, and dating Jami is going to trigger the hell out of him.” Melanie shoots me a sympathetic glance.
I switch the focus off me to give myself some time to think. “How do you know my brother likes to be in control?”
“You told me you didn’t want me to talk about my date with him.” She goes back to eating.
“I don’t want the specifics, but I’m curious how you got that about him from having one date.”
She shifts around and puts her food down. “Let’s just say I saw it play out. And I’m warning you, if you ask for more details, you’ll be getting into the specifics.”
“Oh my god. That means you had sex with him, and now I know what he’s like in the bedroom.” I stick my finger in my mouth and pretend to be gagging myself. “I have completely lost my appetite.”
Melanie laughs. “You brought it up, so don’t blame me.”
I bury my face in my hands and groan. “I wish I didn’t know that about him.”
“Then let’s change the subject.”
“Please, let’s do that.” I lift my head. “I don’t know what to say to him. He’s going to know how I feel about Jami the second he asks me about him. ”
Just as I finish my sentence, my phone rings.
I press my lips together and peek at the screen. “Shit, it’s him. What should I do?”
“You’re going to have to face him sooner or later, so I say answer it.”
My trembling body makes me aware of how frightened I am to face this. I take a moment to steady my breathing. My phone stops ringing.
The muscles in my neck start to relax, but then my cell goes off, alerting me of a text message. I glance at the screen where Aiden’s message stares up at me.
I already know it’s going to be bad. My stomach rolls and twists as I open the message.
Aiden: Don’t disrespect me any more than you already have. Answer your fucking phone when I call. Jami can’t save you, so don’t avoid this. We will have this conversation.
“Shit, Mel. Aiden’s livid.” My vision blurs.
Mel takes my phone and reads the message. “Yeah, I’d say he knows. Yikes. I don’t envy you right now.”
She hands me my phone. The second it slides into my palm, it rings again.
“Jami told me not to answer, but I think it will make Aiden more pissed if I ignore him.” I can’t take the chance of making the situation worse, so I slide the answer button over. “Hi, Aiden.”
His voice screams through the line. “Don’t you fucking dare act like you haven’t ruined everything.”
“How have I ruined everything? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I grimace at Melanie.
She purposely shudders right as Aiden cuts in.
“Don’t lie to me, Dori. I know about you and Jami. What the fuck is wrong with you? ”
“Wrong with me? Why does the way I feel about him make me wrong?”
“He promised on his life he wouldn’t do this to me.”
“Do what to you?” I stall. I need some time to think of something to say that will calm him.
“Stop acting like a stupid bitch. You two have ruined everything by doing this.” He growls. “You’re so fucking clueless.”
His words sting, and I shrink into myself. I seem to always hurt someone by the choices I make. I hate feeling this way.
I try to soften the blow. “Aiden, I have no idea why you’re acting like this is the end of the world.”
“You don’t get it. By dating Jami, I lose everything. Fuck! How could you?”
This reaction seems a bit too much. I knew he’d be upset, but saying he loses everything because I’m dating Jami scrambles my brain.
“You’re overreacting, Aiden.”
Something crashes in the background. I think he threw something against a wall and it shattered.
“I’m not fucking overreacting. You’re being reckless again, but this time you dragged me into your shitty decision. Break it off with him, or lose me. That’s the only choice you have.”
My jaw drops. “You can’t be serious.”
“Dead serious. End it with him, or you can consider yourself without a brother.”
My stomach bottoms out. “You are serious, aren’t you?”
“I already told you I was. Tell me what you want. A brother or Jami, a guy it will never work with.”
No matter what I say, I lose. Aiden’s made that much clear. I don’t get both in the end. There’s no way around it.
I love my brother and don’t want to lose him, but I feel the same about Jami.
The earth opens up and swallows me whole. I’m in a terrible predicament with no way out.