2
Conor
“Pass me the puck, you dick.” I shout across the ice to Michaelson. Thank fuck we’re only running drills today. If this were a game, we’d be getting absolutely demolished out there.
“Give me a break, Matthews.” He fires, whipping the puck my way. I catch it cleanly, fake a pass and then slam it into the net past Knight. “What’s up your ass today?”
“That’s it for today. Good work, boys.” Coach calls to us and we make our way across the ice.
Michaelson skates alongside me as we coast towards the benches, “Well?”
“Well, what?” I grumble back at him.
“I asked what’s up your ass today?”
I let out a defeated sigh, dragging a hand over the back of my neck. “Everything has gone to shit since Cap left. We’re playing like shit at practice and getting our asses handed to us at games. It’s all fucked.”
“He’s just had a baby, man.” Michaelson reminds me, clapping me on the shoulder. “He won’t be gone forever. Don’t get too much into your head.”
Josh Woods, our team captain and my closest friend, had a baby with his girlfriend, Olivia, last week. I’m so happy for the both of them, I really am, but selfishly, I want my captain back. I need him back. I need things to go back to normal as soon as they possibly can.
Maybe I could bribe him into coming back early. I could do his laundry for a month… Actually, no. I can barely manage my own. I could cook for them every night. Scratch that. Unless they fancy frozen pizzas and instant noodles…
I could offer to look after Isabella for a night… Never mind. I love that baby girl like she’s my own, but tiny humans scare the shit out of me. Besides, Josh wouldn’t trust me enough to keep his daughter alive for more than five minutes.
Looks like I’m just gonna have to suck it up and survive without him.
“How come he’s taking so long off? You didn't even take a week off when your kid was born.”
“I would have loved two weeks off. Trust me. But my monster-in-law decided to stay with us after Bailey was born and I just couldn't take it anymore.”
“Your monster-in-law?” I question him.
Daniel’s face twists with a look of disgust. “Cassidy’s mother.
” We both grimace. That woman is as evil as they come.
Maybe evil isn’t the right word for it but she’s a bitch nonetheless.
How Cassidy turned into the amazing woman she is is beyond me.
Hell, it’s beyond everyone who knows both of the women.
“Stop stressing about Josh. He’ll be back next week and we’ll get our winning streak back. ”
Yeah, we better.
“Hey, Aunt Dee!” I call as I step into Buttons and Books coffee shop. The familiar scent of coffee and fresh pastries wraps around me like a warm blanket.
Diane isn’t actually my aunt. She’s Josh’s. But she’s like a mother figure to me. My parents live in Toronto and we talk all the time, but they treat me as more of a friend than their son. So, whenever I’m in need of advice that only a mother could give, I go to Diane.
“Ahh, there’s my Muffin.” Diane beams as I reach the counter. “How are you?”
I lean over to kiss her cheek. “I’m alright, you?”
“Can’t complain, my love.” She smiles, “Can I get you anything?”
I shake my head. “No thanks. I was actually looking for Josh. Olliepop said he was here.”
“You just missed him.” The disappointment must show on my face because her smile softens. “Is there anything I can help you with?”
I think for a moment, drumming my fingers against the wooden countertop. Do I unload everything that’s been spinning around in my head, or do what I always do and pretend I’m fine?
Diane knows more about me than most people do, but I hate feeling like a burden to her. She’s always there to listen, always knows exactly what to say, yet I can’t help feeling guilty that she has to carry the weight of my struggles as well as her own.
Apparently I take too long deciding, because Diane crosses her arms and gives me that look. “Go sit. Now.”
There is no arguing with this woman, so I find a small table at the back where it’s quiet. Perfect for an intense conversation. Pulling my phone out of my jeans pocket, a message flash up on the screen.
Olliepop: Josh just got home. Want him to call you?
Me: Got sorted thanks.
Olliepop: Everything okay?
I stare at the screen for a second before typing the biggest lie I’ve told all day.
Me: Fine.
I shove my phone back into my pocket just as Diane appears carrying a tray with a muffin and a bottle of water. She sets the tray in the middle of the table, taking the seat opposite me. “I didn’t order-”
“I know.” She places the tray in front of me before sitting in the seat opposite. “You forget to eat when your head gets too loud.”
A small laugh escapes me. “Thank you.”
Diane points to the chair I’m sitting on. “This is where Josh sits whenever life gets too heavy.” My smile falters, fading just as quickly as it had appeared. “What’s going on, Muffin?”
“I, uhm,” I trail off, trying and failing to get my thoughts into order, the words getting stuck between my brain and my mouth.
Dee waits. She doesn’t rush me. She doesn’t judge.
She just sits there patiently. I know what I want to say, I just can’t untangle it.
I let out a long, deep sigh, “I’m really struggling, Dee.
” I tap my finger against my head. “There’s just too much in here.
” Diane doesn’t ask me what I mean. She already knows.
“Okay, Conor.” Her voice is gentle, calming. “Take a breath for me, sweety.” I inhale until my lungs ache, breathing in as deeply as I can, clenching and unclenching my hands beneath the table, something I’ve always done whenever everything became too loud. “Tell me what’s happened.”
There’s something about Diane that makes you want to tell her all your secrets. Maybe it’s the warmth in her hazel eyes, or the kindness that’s always in her smile. Or maybe it’s simply because she’s never judged me.
“Olivia had a baby and Josh hasn’t been playing hockey and I barely see him anymore.
” I start, my words coming out faster than I mean them to.
“Coach is actually happy for once, Knight is moving into my building and I haven’t been with a girl for months so I can’t relieve any of that tension.
” I’m breathless by the end, my words coming out all jumbled and stuttered. “My brain just… won’t stop.”
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was six years old.
Growing up with it wasn’t easy. It’s been a struggle.
There are medications out there to help, but my parents didn’t believe in them.
To them, it was all fake, a placebo, a trick your brain played on itself.
Because of that, they refused to pay any money towards medications.
I don’t have the same belief as them. I believe medication is designed to help you manage your struggles, but by the time I turned eighteen and was able to make my own medical decisions, I had learned how to cope well enough that medication didn’t seem necessary.
Why should I take away the chance of some other kid getting help when I didn’t need it.
Most days, I manage. But it’s times like this, when there’s too much change happening all at once, that I can't think straight. I get angry, frustrated and I feel like my brain could explode.
“Is any of the usual stuff helping?” Diane asks in that sweet, calming voice, pulling me out of my head.
“No. Listening to music takes the edge off but the noise is still there.”
I told Dee about my ADHD a couple of years ago. Apart from Coach and the management team, Diane is the only other person who knows.
I don’t even know why I haven’t told anyone. I guess I’m sort of embarrassed. I don't need people looking at me or treating me any different. I don’t want ADHD to be the first thing people think about when they see me.
“You need a distraction.” Diane tells me, taking my hand across the table and giving it a rough but comforting squeeze. “Something that’ll give your brain a chance to slow down.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Do something fun. Go to the movies or the beach.”
“Do you not know me at all?” I tease, slipping my confident mask back on. “I can’t sit through a twenty minute episode of Family Guy and sand makes me want to peel my skin off.”
“Fine, smartarse.” She huffs, “What’s your idea of fun?”
I have some ideas that I consider to be fun, but I don’t think Dee would appreciate those. Before I can think of something appropriate to say, the bell above the coffee shop door chimes. Instinctively, I glance over. A woman walks in, dark hair, sun-kissed skin, fucking breathtaking.
Every thought in my head disappears. I don’t even realize that I’m staring until Diane clears her throat, breaking me out of the trance I seemed to find myself in. A slow smile spreads across my face as I look at the woman again, taking every delicious inch of her in.
“I think I have an idea.”