3 #3
“Just didn’t want you wandering off.” The lie tastes sour on my tongue.
“You think I’m gonna get lost or something?”
“Yeah, something like that.” I mumble in response. We pass the group of men without so much as a scratch, but still, I haven't let go of Conor’s hand. I don’t want to. And that thought scares the hell out of me.
With Max, I never wanted to hold his hand or cuddle or do all that cute shit.
He gave me a kiss on the cheek every morning before we went to work and then one again when we both got home.
It was simple and I was happy with that.
I thought that was what I wanted, but now, after one not-date with Conor, I want to do all those little things with him.
The walk back to my apartment passed in a peaceful silence. It’s not awkward but comfortable. It’s the kind of silence that doesn’t need to be filled just for the sake of talking.
Unfortunately, it ended far too soon. I never want this night to end. That was the best non-date I’ve ever had in my life.
“I had a great time with you, Angel.” Conor says as we reach my door.
“So did I.” I smile up him. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Why do you call me Angel?” He’s been using the nickname all day and my curiosity piques even more every time I hear it.
“Because I like it.” He says, his usual grin plastered across his face but there’s something else. A vulnerability in his blue eyes and I can feel it settle in the chest.
“That’s not the real reason,” His smile falters, but only for a second. “Will you tell me someday?”
“I will.” His smile is back in full force, showing off the small dimple at the right side of his mouth. The urge to run my fingers over it is so strong, it takes a serious amount of self-restraint not to.
This man is so damn attractive. Blonde hair that looks intentionally messy but works, blue eyes that seem to change color depending on his mood, a smile capable of breaking through all the walls I have built around my heart and a body sculpted from stone.
Plus, he towers over me by almost a foot.
I’ll be needing a neck massage tonight after tipping my head up to look at him all day.
“This was really fun, Conor. Thank you.”
“No need to thank me, Sash. I had fun too.” There’s that dimple again! I close my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching out and tracing it.
“I know this wasn’t a real date, but it’s the closest I’ve had to one.” I admit, feeling my insecurities bubbling to the surface.
“You mean since the breakup?”
“Nope. Ever.”
His eyes widen, a look of disbelief crossing his face. “What are you talking about? You were in a relationship for years.”
I shrug awkwardly. “Max and I were still young when we first got together.” I tell him, defending a relationship that I’m not even sure was ever real. “There were no first dates or romantic gestures. We kinda just decided that we were together one day and that was that.”
“But he still took you out to dinner and stuff like that, didn't he?”
“Yeah, but I mean, I wouldn’t class me sitting watching him watch his phone as a date.” Conor grinds his molars together, looking like he wants to punch through the wall.
“I wish I’d have known. I would have made tonight a lot more special.”
I laugh softly, my heart squeezing painfully in my chest. "Tonight was special. I loved every bit of it.”
“Would you wanna go out again?”
I freeze in place. There’s a small voice in my head screaming at me to say yes and the longer I stand here not speaking, the louder that voice gets. “I can’t.” I breathe out instead but deeply regret it as Conor’s smile falls. “It’s not you. Trust me. This is all me.”
“Uh huh.” He scratches the back of his neck and the air around us suddenly feels heavy and suffocating.
The words hurt to say but I force them out anyway.
“I was with Max basically my whole life. I don’t know how to be on my own yet, never mind with someone else.
It wouldn’t be fair of me to start something with you when I can’t give you all of me.
” Plus, Conor is a player on and off the ice.
He’s a major fuck boy. If I went on another ‘date’ with him, it would lead to me being heartbroken once again.
One real date with me isn’t gonna change him as a person, so why should I set my heart up for failure again?
“I get it, Sasha. It’s okay.” I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Thank you.”
“But, you have my number,” he pauses and my breathing becomes heavier as I wait for him to finish, “when you’re ready, give me a call.”
Conor leans down, places a gentle kiss on my cheek and then walks off, leaving me standing in the hallway alone with my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest.
It takes me four tries to unlock my door because my hands are shaking wildly.
Why am I so flustered? I’ve been on the receiving end of Conor’s flirting more times than I can count, and it’s never made me react this way.
My pulse is erratic, my skin feels hot, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot get that man out of my head.