9
Sasha
“What the hell are you doing?” Olivia hisses at me as soon as she closes us in the bedroom. She looks pissed and when she’s like this, she’s scary as fuck. If I had to choose to be locked in a room with Chucky or an angry Liv, I would choose Chucky. He seems to be the lesser of two evils.
“I don’t know, Liv. I panicked.” I flop onto the bed, my head hitting the soft, fluffy pillows and I sigh. “Where did you get these? They are amazing.”
“Don’t change the subject, Sash.” Olivia sits at the end of bed, her body turned so that she’s fully facing me.
“I didn’t want Max to have the upper hand. I was embarrassed that he had moved on and I hadn’t.” I rub my eyes with the backs of my hands to try and ease the tension that’s building behind them. “I didn’t think he would ask who I was dating and Conor was the first guy to pop into my head.”
“How long is this supposed to last?”
“I don’t know. A month maybe? We have Rose and Alex’s engagement party in a few weeks and then we’ll see how it goes.”
“Sasha, you do realize that the media will be all over this?” Olivia asks me, concern in her voice.
“Of course I do. That’s the whole point.”
“Did you think about what will happen when you end this fake relationship? Everyone will know about it. It’ll be all over social media. Conor is an amazing player with a social life that everyone wants to know about. This can’t end quietly.”
I stay silent. I hadn’t entirely thought this through. Like I said before, I panicked.
“And what happens when you actually fall for him? You’re gonna get hurt, Sash. Conor’s not the relationship kinda guy. I love him, he’s like a brother to me, but he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s not that kinda guy. You’ll be the one with a broken heart by the end of all of this.”
“I’m sure there’s people out there who would have said the exact same thing about you and Josh.
” I snap back in defensive mode. The second the hurt flashes across her face, regret settles in.
“I’m sorry.” I give her an apologetic look, sighing.
“I didn’t mean that.” Olivia nods her head at me so I continue.
“I won’t fall for him, Liv. This isn’t real. ”
“Really?” Olivia asks incredulously. “Because what I saw out there was the complete opposite.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When Conor told us why he calls you Angel, you practically had hearts in your eyes. That seemed very real to me.”
“Look, Liv, it’s fine. We have rules so that nothing happens. We’ll be fine.”
“Rules were made to be broken, babe.”
After an awkward as hell dinner, Conor and I made our way back to his apartment. It was so weird. I’ve never been in such an uncomfortable situation in my whole life and there have been countless of those.
We barely spoke, and when we did it was about things like the weather and Isabella. We all skated around the subject of Conor and I. It was a huge elephant in the room that no one dared speak of but the tension in the room was palpable.
I get Olivia’s concern, but nothing is gonna happen. Conor and I have rules for a reason, so none of us get hurt, and I have always been a stickler for the rules.
I hadn’t planned on staying at Conor’s place after dinner but he decided we needed a drink to wash away the evening and I couldn’t agree more.
So we settled on the couch, he had a beer and I had a glass of wine.
That turned into three beers and three glasses of wine so now I’m running on a buzz.
Not drunk but not sober. The perfect amount after this hellish evening.
“They just need to cool off for a bit. It’ll all be fine tomorrow.” Conor says, trying and failing to reassure me. Olivia and I have had our fair share of fall outs over the years but I’ve never seen her act like that towards me before.
I don’t know if she’s angry, disappointed or concerned. Probably all of the above. I’ll call her in the morning and try to smooth everything out, try to make her understand and see where I’m coming from.
“I want to quit my job.” I blurt out without meaning to. You know when things just build up inside of you and come out at the worst times? That’s what this is.
“Why?” He asks after taking a sip of his drink.
“I hate it. My boss is an ass and it’s not what I wanted to do with my life.”
“Well, what do you want to do?”
I don't want to tell him. It's embarrassing. A stupid dream I've had since I was a kid which in reality would never work. But the look in Conor’s deep blue eyes makes me want to spill every secret I've ever kept. “I want to be a writer.”
“Like books and shit?” He asks and I giggle.
“Yeah, books and shit.”
“So why don’t you?”
I just shrug in response to Conor’s question. I don't actually know the answer to that. The thought of leaving a stable job to pursue something that might never turn into something is terrifying. But if I don't leave my job, I wouldn't have any time to write so it wouldn't be practical.
“You’re scared.” He says it as a statement. Am I really that easy to read? When I don’t disagree, he continues. “You shouldn't be. I think you should take that leap and just do it. You'll never know if you don't try.”
“But what if my writing is terrible and then I'm left with no job and no money?”
“Sasha, I think you'd be amazing at whatever you set your mind to. Get out of that head of yours.” He emphasizes that point by tapping the side of my head.
I hadn't realized until now how close we had gotten. Every time one of us got up off the couch and came back, we’d apparently moved more into the middle and now there’s barely any space between us. Tingles shoot through me as my knee brushes against his.
“You really think that?” I ask him, hope and the need for validation swirling through my head.
The hand that tapped my head is now resting on the top of the couch, Conor’s fingers brushing the tip of my shoulder. “Yeah, Angel, I do.” Conor’s gaze moves around my face before settling on my lips.
I don’t know if it’s the wine or the man in front of me but the urge to kiss him is overpowering me.
I bite my lower lip hard to stop myself from doing anything stupid but it only makes it worse when Conor’s hand moves to my face.
He pulls my lip gently, running his thumb over the tender flesh and I want nothing more than to stick my tongue out and lick it.
Time stands still as we lock eyes again.
There’s nothing but heat shining in his eyes.
I’m sure my own are the same. My heartrate has picked up to dangerous levels and my hands shake from where I’m fisting the end of my shirt while every nerve ending in my body seems to have lit up.
It wouldn't take much for him to kiss me right now.
One small movement and his lips would be on mine.
This is against the rules, Sasha! Get out of there now!
But then Olivia’s words float through my mind, “Rules were made to be broken.” Shit. I am so fucked.
Conor leans in slowly and my eyes flutter closed, waiting to feel the warmth of his lips against mine. I can feel his minty breath ticking my face. He’s so close -
The sound of my phone pinging with several messages has us pulling apart quickly.
It’s as if we’d almost been caught doing something we’re not allowed to do.
I guess that’s kinda true. I pull my phone out of my jeans pocket, thankful for the interruption but also hating it with every fiber of my being.
Liam<3: Hey.
Liam<3: I miss you.
Liam<3: When are you coming home?
I shoot an apologetic look in Conor’s direction before typing out my reply. He gets up from the couch, the warmth of him disappearing immediately, and he storms into the kitchen.
Me: Hey, baby bro! I miss you too
:(
Me: I don’t think I’ll be able to come back
for a while. Stupid work!
Liam<3: Can I come visit you? BTW
I’m not a baby.
Me: Sure! Just ask mom and dad first.
I’m happy to have you anytime.
A sad smile tugs at my lips as I pocket my phone at the same time Conor comes back from the kitchen. He doesn’t speak. His jaw is clenched tight and his hands are balled into tight fists. He’s mad. Really fucking mad.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize, “that was my brother. I don't hear from him much.”
Conor’s head snaps in my direction. “Your brother?” Conor asks with hopefulness.
“Yeah… My brother, Liam. I thought I told you about him.”
“Oh thank fuck.” He breathes a sigh of relief that confuses me more than his anger.
“What just happened?”
“Well, we were about to kiss and then you got a text from some guy called Liam saying he missed you and asked you to come home.” Understanding finally dawns on me. “I just assumed…” He doesn't finish his sentence. He doesn't need to.
“Conor,” I sigh, not really knowing what to say, “we shouldn't have done that. We can't break any of the rules or this isn't gonna work.”
Conor’s shoulders slump. “Remind me again. Why do we have these rules?”
“Because, we have to!” I stand from the couch, trying to put some space between us. “We stick to the rules, to the plan, and neither of us will get hurt when this is all over.”
He hangs his head, running his hands through his blonde hair. “But we both felt that, didn’t we? That wasn’t just me getting caught up in that, you were too.” He has so much hope in his voice and I don’t want to hurt him, but if I tell him that yes, I felt it too, it would change everything.
“We had too much to drink and got lost in the moment.” I force out instead. “It can’t happen again.”
Conor nods once and then stands abruptly. When he looks at me, I can see the hurt in his now dull eyes. “I think you should go.”
“Conor-”
“I’m getting tired.”
“I-”
“Please, Sasha.” His voice is quiet now. Broken. “Just go home.”
The hurt in his eyes makes me want to stay, to fix this, but I don’t. Instead, I do as he says, picking my stuff up off the floor and leaving without saying another word. I’ll call him tomorrow. Hopefully things will feel a little less complicated in the morning.
Somehow, I doubt that they will.