21
Conor
I wake up to a warm body surrounding me, the dim light seeping through the curtains, filtering into the room.
Sasha is stubborn. Beautiful and intelligent but stubborn as hell.
Neither of us won the argument about who should take the bed.
It took over an hour before we finally reached the only compromise either of us would accept.
I took one couch, Sasha took the smaller one.
Turns out the wall wasn’t there to stop me, it was to stop her and it failed. The extra pillows are on the floor, I’m lying perfectly on my side of the bed, and Sasha is snuggled into my side with one leg strewn over my hips, her messy, brown hair fanning across my bare chest.
How did this even happen? Normally, I’m a light sleeper and every little noise or movement would wake me, but I didn’t even budge last night. It was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.
As if sensing I’m awake, Sasha stirs beside me, sighing heavily, her hand moving to rest on my chest. She runs said hand down my naked torso, the tickly sensation making my whole body twitch.
Thankfully she stops her movements at the bottom of my stomach where her thigh is resting.
I suck in a deep breath as Sasha’s leg shifts, rubbing against my morning wood.
Fuck, that should not feel that good. It’s a leg for God’s sake.
I fight back a growl when she does it again.
Even sleeping, this girl stirs up feelings in me that I’ve never felt before.
Sasha’s the first girl I’ve ever let sleep in my bed. Sasha’s the only woman I’ve ever had in my bed at all. Apart from Olliepop, I’ve never had another woman in my apartment when we’re alone. Before Sash, if I was with another woman, we’d go to her place or get a hotel room for the night.
But having this woman in my bed… I never want her to leave. I’ve never wanted more than sex from a woman before, but with Sasha, I want everything.
I want the late night phone calls, her smile across the dinner table, her sleepy voice in the morning.
I want her hand holding mine in the dark, her eyes finding mine across a crowded room.
I want all of her laughs and all of her smiles.
I want her when she’s angry or when the world becomes too much for her to carry on her own.
I want every single version of her that she has to offer.
I just pray that someday she’ll give me that. I hope she gives me the life that I never knew I wanted until she showed up on my doorstep, asking me to be her fake boyfriend.
I’ll wait for her forever if I have to. I’m not going anywhere.
Sasha’s leg shifts again, moving up and down against my hard cock. I’m about to fucking snap here. I attempt to move out from under her but she clamps her leg and arm down making it impossible for me to move. “Sasha?”
“Mmm.” She mumbles sleepily, snuggling into me closer, if that’s even possible.
“Angel, I need you to wake up.”
“Why?” She groans, shifting again before her whole body goes still.
Slowly, very slowly, she opens one eye. Then the other.
She looks down at herself. Looks up at me.
Then looks back down again. Her entire face burns bright red.
“Oh my God.” She launches herself backward, so quickly that she almost falls off the other side of the bed.
“What the hell are you doing?” She whisper shouts.
“Me?”
“Yes, you!”
“You’re the one on my side of the bed, cuddling into me and feeling me up. I didn’t do shit.”
“Oh God.” She groans into both hands, “I’m so sorry.” Her cheeks are crimson. Her hair is sticking up in every direction. She’s avoiding eye contact like it’s a professional sport. And somehow, I’ve never seen her look more beautiful.
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“I drooled on you, didn’t I?”
I glance down at my shoulder. “Maybe a little.”
“Oh my God!” She hides her face again and I can’t help but laugh.
“Relax, Sash. I’m not exactly complaining.
” She uncovers her face and rolls her eyes at me but she has the smallest hint of a grin.
“There she is.” I jump out of the bed before Sasha can throw the pillow that she’s currently fisting at my face.
“I have to head out to practice soon but you and Liam can stay while I’m gone.
I’ll give you the spare key in case you go out. ”
“Thanks.” She says quietly, chewing on her bottom lip. I wonder if she knows how insane it makes me when she does that. Maybe she wouldn’t do it so much if she did. Maybe she’d do it more just to torture me.
I can feel Sasha’s eyes on my back, as I pull on a pair of sweats.
The intensity in her stare heating my skin.
I stretch my body and I’m not proud to say it but I flex my muscles more than normal.
I’m just giving her the show that she’s so intent on watching.
Sasha’s gaze darts to the ceiling when I spin around to face her.
Cute. She can act nonchalant all she wants but I know she likes what she sees.
I teased her enough yesterday though and clearly, she’s still embarrassed about how we woke up, so I don’t say anything.
Her cheeks are flushed, the pink tinge running down her neck and disappearing beneath my top. I wonder how far down it goes?
I don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. I was fine until Sasha came to my place. I’m not sure if it was knowing she’d be in my room, in my bed, but fuck I was so turned on all evening. Maybe I'm ovulating or something. Wait, do guys ovulate?
And holy fuck seeing that woman in my bathtub, naked… Jesus Christ. The bubbles did a good job of hiding what was underneath and I fucking hated it.
And then seeing her in my jersey after that had stirred up feelings deep inside of me that I didn’t even know were there. I had been picturing her wearing my jersey and nothing else for a long time now but my mind didn't do the sight justice.
I take my spare jersey out of my dresser and slip it into my gym bag. I don’t want Sasha to take that one off. I never want her to take it off. She can keep it forever if she wants to.
“I’m gonna swing by aunt Dee’s place after practice. Let me know if you want anything.”
“Thanks, Conor.”
I nod before heading to the door. Just as I pull it closed behind me, I hear a loud frustrated groan from inside the bedroom. I laugh all the way down the hallway and the smile doesn’t leave my face until I’m pulling into the parking lot of the stadium. God, what a woman.
Practice was uneventful, just like it always is.
We worked hard but not hard enough for Coach.
Never hard enough for Coach. No matter what we do, it’s too little.
We could win the Stanley Cup and he’d still complain about our performance.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great coach, but sometimes I think the whole team would like to take turns hitting him over the head with our hockey sticks.
We have a game tomorrow night. It’s a big one against Toronto, my home team.
Coach is worried that we’re gonna get our asses handed to us, but let's be real, we are. We have never won a game against them, even when we’re playing our best. It’s the one team that rattles us and I think the drive to beat them has the opposite effect.
The whole team thinks too much when we play Toronto, we get too in our own heads, but the beauty about hockey is not thinking, it’s running off instinct.
The familiar bell chimes as I step into Buttons and Books. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and Charlie’s baking make me feel like I’m in heaven. If heaven was in a hockey arena and smelled like this, I would happily die today, but only if Sasha was there with me too.
Aunt Diane comes up to me with a tray full of empty cups and plates. “Hello, Muffin.” I take the tray out of her hands and lean down, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I’m getting lots of love today.” She laughs as I take the tray into the back of the cafe. “What can I get for you today?”
“A black coffee and some of those brownies, please. Oh, and Sasha’s usual as well.
” A knowing smile spreads across her face.
Diane knows all about this deal between Sash and I.
She’s the one person I rely on for giving me the best advice, so I told her the truth.
She didn’t think fake-dating Sasha was a good idea.
I said she gives the best advice, that doesn't mean I'm gonna take it.
“How is Sasha? I heard her brother’s visiting.” Diane says with a chuckle.
“Ahh, so I assume Josh has told you all about it?”
“Poor man thinks a fourteen-year-old is gonna steal his girlfriend. He’s ridiculous.”
“Oh, I don't know, Dee. I'd be threatened too if I were Josh.” I say, jokingly. “Liam’s a lot like me, so…”
“So Josh has nothing to worry about then.” She fires back with a cheeky grin.
“I’m gonna ignore that and answer your first question.
” I give her my best unimpressed look but the second Sasha’s name leaves my mouth, I can’t help but smile.
“Sasha’s good. We had our first sleepover last night.
” I waggle my eyebrows and now Diane is the one with the unimpressed look on her face.
“I thought there was nothing going on between you two.”
“There’s something going on. I’m just not sure what.” Diane gives me an expectant look so I elaborate. “I really like her, Dee. I’ve never had real feelings for a woman before but with Sash, it just feels right.”
Diane sets the freshly made coffees on the counter before peering up at me. “Does she feel the same?”
“Sometimes I think she does. We have these… moments. It feels like it’s just me and her in a room full of people. That has to mean something, right?”
“I think it does.” Diane smiles softly at me before bagging some brownies and continuing, “But I think you need to have a talk with her before making assumptions like that.”
“I knew there would be a ‘but’.”
“There’s always a ‘but’.” She reaches across the counter and squeezes my hand. “And you need to tell her about your ADHD. You can’t start a real relationship with lies.”
“It’s not a lie. I’m simply withholding information.”
“Information that she may think is important enough to tell her at the start.” My smile fades. I hate it when she’s right. “Why are you so scared to tell her, Muffin?”
“What if it changes her opinion of me? Her brother has ADHD so I know she can handle it, but what if she can only handle so much and what if she thinks having to deal with me as well as Liam is too much?”
“Take a breath.” She commands and reluctantly, I do.
Inhaling deep, I hold it for five seconds before blowing it out.
Diane nods her head and then sighs. We’ve been over this before about telling my teammates about my diagnosis.
I’ve just never listened to her. “Conor, if she changes her opinion of you, which I know she won’t, then it just wasn’t meant to be.
And Sasha doesn’t see her brother as difficult. She sees him as Liam.”
I swallow around the lump that’s lodged in my throat. “What if I’m too much?”
She gives me a sad smile. “If you’re too much for someone after they've seen the real you,” she squeezes my hand again, “then they were never your person.”
The words settle somewhere deep inside my chest. Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s time to finally stop hiding.