40
Sasha
“I have a few notes that I’ll forward to you, but apart from that, everything is really good.” My editor, Julie, says with a warm smile. Did you hear that? My editor!
Almost a month ago, we sat across from each other while she agreed to take me on as a client. I handed my manuscript over that same day and have been a nervous wreck ever since. Every time my phone rang, my heart nearly stopped.
On Friday, she finally called back to say she’d finished reading it and wanted to meet with me to discuss everything.
“Thank you so much for everything, Julie.” I stand from my chair, pulling her into a tight embrace. “This is everything I’ve always wanted.”
“You have a real, natural talent for writing, girl. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Thank you.” My heart warms at her words and a new, unfamiliar feeling washes over me. Pride.
I still can’t believe I’m actually doing this.
I wrote a book, a whole ass book and soon, it’ll be published for the whole world to read.
It’s terrifying, but in a good way. I have put my blood, sweat and tears into this book.
Literally. I cringe and my stomach flips as I think about the day I gave myself a papercut.
You could slice me open and I would be okay, but give me a papercut and I’ll feel nauseous.
I met with a publisher last week and they were very happy to bring me on board after reading my manuscript which is just mind blowing. Six months until my book is out in the world. Six months and I’ll be a real, published author. Six months and my dream will have finally come true.
Dreams are funny. They don’t disappear. They just wait until you’re brave enough to come back to them.
These last two months have changed me. For the first time in my life, I’ve learned how to be alone without feeling lonely. I’ve built something that’s mine. I smile more. I laugh more. I wake up every morning happy. Truly happy.
There's only one thing missing… Him.
Olivia’s words have been floating around in my head almost every day since my birthday. Sometimes, falling in love isn’t about trusting the person not to hurt you. It’s about trusting them enough to catch you when you fall.
I have thought about it a lot, making lists for the pros and cons of the whole situation and I was able to fill the pros list with minimal thinking. I sat on it for days, but soon came to find that there were no cons for having Conor back in my life.
I think over these last couple of months, just being on my own, I’ve realized something. Trust has to be built. It has to be earned. And Conor has done both of those things. I just wish I had seen that sooner.
I have finally got my life together and now, I’m ready to take that leap with him. I just hope like hell that he’s ready for me too.
I’ve been here for almost ten minutes now, staring at the door in front of me. My hand is curled into a tight fist, but I can’t find the courage to make myself knock. This is it. This is the one moment that could change my whole life and I’ve never been more terrified.
My stomach is churning, the butterflies colliding so violently they feel more like a storm. Every doubt I’ve ever had is pushing to the forefront of my mind, choosing this exact moment to scream at me, telling me to turn around now before I get hurt.
This was a split second decision. I left Julie’s office and instead of driving home, my car brought me here. I didn’t even realize where I was until I got out of my car and stared up at the building in front of me.
My chest rises and falls with shaky breaths as I continue to stand here. I can hear the wooshing sound of my pulse in my ears.
Maybe I should have called first? He’s probably not even here. Would he even let me in if he was?
One knock, Sash. That’s all it would take. Just put yourself out of this misery and knock!
My hands are slick with sweat and I have to shake them a few times to stop the trembling but it’s no use.
I’ll go home. I need to think this all through and then I’ll come back. I wouldn’t even know what to say if he did answer the door. I have nothing prepared, and I’m always prepared. Fuck, this was a stupid idea.
My feet finally move and I turn to leave, but the door swings open and a large chest collides with me. A strong arm wraps itself around my waist before I land on my ass with a loud, bruising thud.
“Sasha?” Conor breathes in disbelief. He doesn’t let go of me immediately. Instead, he stares at me as if trying to figure out if I’m real or not. Slowly, he releases me and takes a step back, his eyes searching every inch of my face.
“Hi, Conor.” Seeing him after all this time hits me like a punch to the chest. I thought missing him had hurt. I thought loving him from a distance was unbearable. Being this close to him now is so much worse as all of my feelings come rushing back, stronger than they ever were before.
“You’re here.” His words are barely above a whisper.
“I…” My throat tightens. Everything I wanted to say to him, every word, disappeared the second I saw him. “I’m so-sorry.” I stutter. Looking at him is making all words seem impossible.
He’s standing there in a pair of grey sweats, bare chest and a backwards cap. He is every woman’s wet dream. “I,” Get yourself together woman! “I can go if you’re busy.”
“You’re here.” He repeats, blinking rapidly as if this is all a dream.
Why am I so nervous? I came here to tell him I love him. I came here to tell him I’m ready, but suddenly I can’t even remember how to speak. “I’m here.”
His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. “Are you here for the reason I think you’re here?” The question tumbles out in a rush, his words tripping over each other. It almost makes me smile.
He’s nervous too.
“I hope so.”
“Say it.” His eyes are pleading with me, so much hope shining within them. God, I’ve missed those ocean eyes. “I need you to say it.”
I inhale a deep breath before I speak, smiling up at him and softening my voice. “I’m ready, Conor.”
The words barely leave my mouth before Conor is on me. He grabs the backs of my thighs, lifting me and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist. His lips are on mine, both of us needing this more than we need air.
I’ve missed this. The feeling of his mouth as it moves against mine. The feeling of his tongue as it slips past my lips. The feeling of his strong arms as he holds me tight against him. The feeling of his hardness as it rubs against where I need him most. Fuck, I’ve missed all of him.
Conor walks us backward, slamming the front door and taking us down the hall towards his room. He lowers me onto his bed, his body moving on top of me and not once does his lips separate from mine.
Our tongues collide as our mouths move in perfect sync.
He tastes so good, mint and something else I can’t place.
His lips move down my jaw and my neck. “We should talk.” I pant as he sucks on the sensitive spot beneath my ear.
I arch my back into him and moan, the sensation causing liquid heat to pool low in my stomach.
“Okay.” Conor says, but he doesn’t take his lips off me.
“I need to explain why I ended things.” I rake my nails over his back earning me a low groan that makes my clit throb.
Conor leans up on his arms, those beautiful deep blue eyes staring into mine. “All I need to know right now is that you’re fully ready to be with me.”
“I won’t run again.” I promise and it’s all he needs to hear. He leans down, taking my mouth again but it’s more gentle this time. There’s more passion and intimacy and love, everything we never got to say put into one kiss.
Moving his hands down my body, he grips the hem of my shirt and pulls it up.
I lift up, allowing him to move it over my head.
Throwing my shirt onto the floor, his eyes rake over me.
I’m so glad I decided to wear cute underwear today.
It’s a light pink, lace bra that makes my boobs look unreal and I’m wearing a matching thong.
Conor’s eyes flare with heat as he licks his lower lip.
“As sexy as you are right now, I need to take this off.” He pulls me up so I’m straddling his lap. I grind against him, the movement causing a perfect friction against my pussy. Conor unhooks my bra, peels it down my arms and then lies me back on the bed again. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Sash.”
He takes one of my nipples into his mouth and pinches the other one between his fingers. Wetness floods my panties from how fucking good it feels to be touched again.
I can’t control the sounds that are spilling from my lips as Conor takes my other nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling at the hard peak.
He lets go of my nipple with a loud pop and starts kissing down my stomach, unbuttoning my pants as he goes. His touch sends shock waves through my system, lighting me up from the inside out.
I lift my hips so he can easily pull down my pants and thong. They join my shirt, lying in a messy heap on the floor. It honestly reflects how I feel.
Conor hooks his arms around my thighs, lifting them so that they’re resting on his shoulders. His hot breath fans against my pussy, sending shivers down my spine. I am aching for this man to touch me. It’s been too long since I’ve felt his mouth on me.
“God, I’ve missed you.” Conor mumbles and I’m not sure if he's talking to me or my pussy. He flicks his tongue out, making the briefest contact with my clit. It’s not much, but it’s enough to make my hands fly into his hair and fist it tightly.
He flattens his tongue next, moving through my folds and I gasp.
It’s almost too much and he’s barely done anything yet.
“I need more.” I pant. I am desperate and thank God this man delivers.
He sucks on my clit hard and it doesn’t take long before that familiar feeling tingles at the bottom of my spine. My whole body flushes hot as Conor goes between licking and sucking. I’m a hot writhing mess, unable to move.
The sight of him looking up at me from between my legs is…
“Yes, Conor. Fuck! I’m gonna come.”