EPILOGUE
Sasha
“Sooo, are you looking forward to your first game back tomorrow?” I ask Conor. We’re laying on the couch together, watching re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy as he draws lazy circles down my bare arms.
“I am.” He unintentionally puffs his chest out in pride but then deflates just as quickly. The shift is so minimal that it wouldn’t be noticed. I notice it though.
“Hey, what’s up?”
He doesn’t meet my eye but lets out a heavy breath. Conor hates opening up about his feelings. It’s only recently that he’s been able to start doing it without deflecting or making jokes to make it seem less than it is.
“I’m really nervous.” His knee bounces, a clear sign that he’s getting agitated. “What if I don’t play as well as I used to? What if I get hurt again? What if-”
“Conor.” I take his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You’ll be great. Coach said you’re playing better than you ever have.” He finally looks at me, his deep blue eyes clouded with insecurity. “I’m not gonna promise that you won’t get hurt, but the chances are so slim.”
He just huffs out a frustrated sigh in response, turning away from me again. “How long have you been playing hockey?”
His brows pinch together, confused by the sudden question but still answers it anyway. “My whole life.” He grumbles.
“And in all those years, how many times have you been seriously injured?”
A beat of silence passes before he huffs out, “Once.”
“See?” I nudge his shoulder gently with my own. “One injury in a lifetime. If something happens again, we’ll deal with it together, but right now, you’re wasting today worrying about something that probably won’t even happen tomorrow.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“I know,” I smile softly, “but stop overthinking it. I can hear those gears turning from here.” An idea sparks, and I swing one leg over his lap until I’m straddling him. “How about I give you something else to think about?”
Conor’s eyebrows lift as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me flush against his chest. “Oh?”
I lean down, placing gentle kisses along his jaw before trailing more down his neck. His skin warms beneath my lips and when I gently nip just below his ear, a shiver rolls through him.
His hands instinctively settle on my hips as his shoulders loosen, some of the tension finally melting away.
“You’re going to have to work really hard on this one, Sash.” He teases, his signature smirk plastered across his handsome face. “I’m still terrified.”
“Challenge accepted.”
I cup his face in my hands and claim his lips with my own before he can say anything else.
At first it’s soft, lingering. Then Conor’s fingers tighten against my hips and the kiss deepens.
Every lingering worry seems to disappear beneath the warmth of his mouth moving against mine, replaced by something so much better.
My whole body feels like it’s on fire and I moan into his mouth as I feel him hardening against me.
I pull away from him and we’re both smiling. His forehead rests against mine, our breathing slowly evening out. “There he is.” I whisper, brushing a strand of blonde hair away from his eyes.
Conor lets out a quiet laugh. “Who?”
“My hockey player.”
He shakes his head, but the smile stays on his face. “You really think I can do this?”
I cup his cheeks with my hands, my thumbs brushing over his cheekbones. “I don’t think you can do this, Conor.” I nudge his face upward, until he meets my eyes. “I know you can.”
His expression softens, every ounce of fear still lingering there, but it’s no longer consuming him. He stares at me for a long moment before lacing his fingers through mine and pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
I hum, pretending to think about it. “You signed an imaginary fake dating contract with very questionable terms and conditions.”
His shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Clause five. You accidentally fall in love with the girl.”
“What was clause six?”
I kiss him once, softly. “She falls harder.”
His smile is so bright, it steals all the air from my lungs. “I love you, Sash.”
Those three simple words still make my heart skip a beat, even after hearing them a hundred times. “I love you, too.” I grin, brushing my nose against his. “Now get some sleep. You have a big day tomorrow.”
“Bossy.”
“Someone has to make sure you’re well rested enough for your triumphant return to the ice.”
He groans dramatically, hugging me tighter against him. “Five more minutes.”
“Conor…”
“Four.”
I laugh, settling against his chest and inhaling deep, his intoxicating scent wrapping around me like a warm blanket. “Fine. Four.”
His heartbeat is thumping a steady rhythm against my ear, each beat chasing away the last of today’s fears. I trace lazy circles over his back, smiling when his arms automatically tighten around me.
For the first time in what feels like forever, neither of us have anything to prove. No pretending. No uncertainty. It’s just us.
I close my eyes, committing this moment to memory. The warmth of his embrace, the quietness of the room, the steady rise and fall of his chest. I finally feel like I’m home.
Tomorrow, he’ll step back onto the ice. But tonight, we’re exactly where we’re meant to be.
Hearing Conor’s name blast over the sound system for the first time in six months was surreal. The roar of the crowd was louder than I had ever heard it, almost deafening as he stepped onto the ice.
He didn’t seem to notice any of it though. He didn’t acknowledge them or wave at them. He didn’t seem to soak up all that attention like he used to do. Instead, he searched the arena until his ocean blue eyes found mine.
The smallest smile tugged at his lips as he took his position on the ice, not once taking his gaze off me. It was small enough that anyone else would have missed it, but I knew him. I knew everything he wanted to say with that one smile.
I pressed my hand against the glass, “You’ve got this,” I mouthed, blowing him a kiss.
He grinned back at me, tapping two fingers against his chest before pointing them at me. I’m okay.
It was such a simple gesture, but still, it stole all the air from my lungs.
“You two are so cute.” Charlie sighs beside me. “It’s actually disgusting.”
I bark a laugh, nudging her shoulder with my own. “Shut up. Wait until you fall in love, I can guarantee that you’ll be worse than the rest of us.”
She looks at me like I’ve personally offended her.
“First,” She says, holding one finger up in the air, “I have zero interest in falling in love.” She turns her face up in disgust, before adding another finger.
“And secondly, you cannot seriously believe that I would be worse than that.” She gestures down the row to where Olivia is standing with her camera in one hand and a homemade banner with Josh’s name written all over it in the other.
Two weeks ago Josh finally asked Liv to marry him. And somehow, they’ve gotten even more obsessed with each other since that day. It’s beautiful and I hope Conor and I will be like that in a few years. Deep down, I know we will.
“Mmm, I don’t know.” I tease, “I bet if you started dating one of these guys you would at least be on the same level.”
“Yeah, baby, show them what you’ve got!” Olivia screams towards the ice.
Charlie and I both wince, turning our stare away from our friend. “Okay, maybe not that bad.”
“I wouldn’t even dream of dating any of these guys.”
“Are you crazy? Look at them,” I wave my hand towards the players on the ice, “each and every one of these guys are sex on legs.”
“Do you really think Josh would allow anyone on his team to get within sniffing distance of me?”
“You do have a point there.” I agree, “But, Josh doesn’t need to know.” I waggle my eyebrows at her but she just scowls at me. “What about Johnson? He’s cute.”
“Cute because he’s still a child.” Charlie deadpans.
“He’s twenty-three.”
“Exactly.”
“Fine.” I grumble. “Oh! What about Knight? That man is gorgeous.”
“That man is an asshole.”
I eye her suspiciously. “What’s your beef with him?”
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you want to murder him every time you see him. What’s that about?”
Charlie doesn’t answer straight away, but then sighs dramatically and slumps in her seat. “That is a long story and would be better shared over alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.”
The referee's whistle echoes through the arena, ending our conversation and pulling everyone’s attention onto the ice. Everyone is eagerly waiting for the puck drop, their attention firmly stuck on center ice.
I don’t watch what the rest of the arena is watching, instead, I watch him. Six months ago, I was waiting in the hospital, unsure if Conor was ever gonna play hockey again. Six months ago we were pretending. Pretending that we were in love and pretending that we didn’t want forever.
Now, there wasn’t a single fake thing left between us.
Conor’s eyes meet mine one last time. There it is…that fear again. Not fear of the game, but fear of failing. Fear that he won’t be the player he used to be.
I smile at him again and give him the smallest nod. You can do this.
That’s when I see it, the shift. That’s when I see the player that’s always been inside him come back to the surface. His eyes turn focused, his shoulders relax, he nods once, and then he’s off.
I love every single version of Conor that he has to offer, but the one that’s on the ice right now, that’s the one I fell in love with.
I watch him skate around the ice with tears in my eyes. My heart somehow seems calmer than it has done all day. Conor moves with ease over the ice as if he’d never left. There’s not a single shred of fear left in him now. All that remains is determination.
It doesn’t matter if the team wins or loses tonight. What does matter is that he’s back, and afterwards, he’s coming home to me.
I smile to myself as he swipes the puck off the other team, moving with expert precision down the ice.
It’s funny how the greatest love story of my life started with a lie and ended with the most honest thing I have ever said.
I love you.
I used to think I was in love, that I had the whole world, but none of that compares to what Conor and I have. I have finally found the person that makes every ordinary moment feel like home. I have finally realized that home wasn’t just a place, it was a person.
And I have finally found my home.