Chapter 21 #2
“I’m fine.” I force out through a sniffle.
She doesn’t let me pull away, but holds me tighter to her.
Even though Liv is my cousin, she’s always seemed more like an older sister, one whom I can count on for anything.
Didn’t want my parents finding out, call Liv.
Then, if I didn’t want Z to find out, call Liv.
Maybe that’s why I just dropped it on her out there, like a cry for help, a need for someone to confide in.
“I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.”
“Yeah, no one did.” The confession comes out along with all the emotion before the tears trickle down my face faster.
“Shh,” she whispers as she rubs her hand over my hair just as my mother used to do, and I’m blaming the fucking hormones when I cry harder.
She strokes my hair until I’ve calmed back down.
“I’ve been fucking Loch for 5 years.”
“What?” her abrupt admission makes me laugh as I sit back, looking at her.
“Every time I go out of town, I’m going to see him. When he’s here, I’m at his house the entire time.”
“Why are you — ah.” I can’t help but laugh. “You tell me a secret and I’ll tell you all of mine.”
She smiles a little before nodding. “Pretty much.”
“Well, the mistake you made is not agreeing to it before you told me.”
She shrugs. “Maybe I just need someone to talk to.”
I can’t help but laugh as I stand up, walking into the bathroom and moving out of her sight as I look at my eyes in the mirror. Wishing I could cry and not leave them a red, puffy mess.
Hearing Liv flop backwards onto the bed and sigh as she continues. “I mean, Liza and Zeke both know that we’ve hooked up a few times, but not to the extent. Not that we talk all the time.”
Peeking my head around the corner. “So, you’re dating?”
“No,” scoffing and shaking her head. “We’re not. We’re together when we’re together and not the rest of the time.”
“And you’re okay with that?” I ask her.
“I was.” She shrugs, pushing herself up onto her elbows.
“Until you realized you were in love with him?”
“Kind of.” Her voice falters as she says it and flops back onto her back. “More like since the night we were so fucked up and said I love you.”
“Both of you?” I shouldn’t sound surprised, but I am.
“Yeah, he’s been really distant since then.”
“When was this?”
“Last month.”
I’m not sure what else to say. Moving across the room, I wrap her up in a hug just as she did me, and it makes both of us laugh. Before we both lie back, just staring at the ceiling.
“Do I know him?”
“Huh?”
“The — uh — your ex.”
I can appreciate her trying to spare my feelings. I don’t know how else to answer but to laugh at the situation.
“Oh, I do.” She smirks. “Someone in the club?”
I still can’t answer her, feeling like if I open my mouth to say anything I’ll just shout his name, so I just shake my head.
“Spyder? Rock? Linc?”
“I’m not that stupid.”
“Jag?”
“Eli…” I trail off not wanting to look over at her, but take note how she immediately stops talking and can see out of my peripherals as she slowly turn her head, staring at me, eyes wider than I’ve ever seen them before.
“Stop looking at me like that.” I plead with her.
“I honestly don’t know what to say.” She laughs before adding. “I thought you weren’t stupid?”
“Liv!” I laugh out her name.
“I mean, I don’t know who’s dumber, you or him…” she trails.
It’s almost comical when we both answer in unison. “Him.”
“How?” she laughs again. “I thought you 2 hated each other?”
“I mean, hate can turn into amazing sex.”
It makes her laugh again as she shakes her head in disbelief.
“After I got out of the hospital, he brought my phone. I came onto him, and after convincing him I was okay enough to, we hooked up. It was supposed to be a onetime thing, but…”
“Hate can lead to amazing sex.”
“Yes!” I exclaim, feeling some sort of relief from being able to talk to someone about everything.
“I can’t explain it. I couldn’t stop thinking about him after that.
How he was with me. This terrible thing, which had the potential to be so much worse.
He didn’t have pity. He wasn’t rough, but he also wasn’t gentle.
He was…” I trail off, not really sure how to explain it.
“He was exactly what you needed in that moment.”
“Yeah,” I nod. “It’s like he knew what to do without me having to tell him. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so after a few months, I went out of my way to purposefully run into him. And still then it was supposed to be one of those. Let me fuck you out of my system.”
“That never works.” She laughs again.
“Now you tell me.” I roll my eyes. “I woke up at his house a few weeks later. I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten there. But apparently someone had tried to drug me… again.”
Her shocked expression is exactly what I would give someone if I found out they have been drugged twice in 6 months..
“Yeah, apparently it’s gotten around to people that I’m naive.” I pause, shaking my head. “I ran and found my way to his house before passing out on his porch.”
“Why his house?”
“I don’t know exactly; I wish I could explain that.”
“What did he do?”
“Took care of me. Apparently, I tried to take his pants off.” It makes her laugh again, tears threatening my eyelids. “He got me to sleep and then went and killed him.”
“What?” she gasps.
“At least I assume he killed him. He told me I’d never have to worry about him again. And that he called Z to help him clean it up.”
“Tell me he didn’t break up with you because you were pregnant. Because they will castrate him for that.”
“He doesn’t know. I’ve been feeling weird the last day or so, and took a test this morning when I got here, you know, to put my mind at ease. Only there was no ease.”
“You just found out?”
“Yeah.” Nodding my head. “It took me a while to fall asleep afterwards, but when I woke up, there was pain and I’m bleeding.”
“Drew…” she trails reaching over to me.
“Oh,” I laugh out, sitting back and looking at her. “And we ran into our wonderful grandmother, threatened to tell Z I was fucking a cop unless we paid her off.”
“Wait,” she pauses, shaking her head. “Terri blackmailed you?”
“Yeah.”
“What a cunt.” She groans out.