Chapter 24
“Are you okay?” Liza shouts out as I maneuver the car through the compound.
“Huh, yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” the words tumble out as I try to avoid this. I was hesitant about giving Liza a ride back to the house from the gym after Z was released from custody. Ever since I let the bit slip out in purgatory, I have been hesitant around her in general.
“I don’t know. It’s just the last couple of times I’ve seen you, when you were up in purgatory with us, you’ve just seemed… I dunno… sad.” I can see that she’s legitimately concerned about me, but I can’t put her in the middle of this.
“I am.” I tell her honestly, as I pull up to the house I grew up in. I can read the concern on her face as she looks at me, and I appreciate her concern; I really do.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“No.” Shaking my head, wishing I could just push all of this, all of my feelings, out of my life.
“Okay.” She grabs my hand, stilling me as I’m trying to leave the car. “If you need to talk, I’m always here.”
“Thanks, Liza.” Smiling at her, before I’m out of the car and sighing.
“I’m serious. Please feel free to. You can trust me.”
“I know I can, and I love you for that. But I can’t put you in a position where you have to keep things from my brother.” Shaking my head as I tell her this. I can’t do that to either of them, just when they’re figuring shit out.
Thankful as soon as I hear the engines coming behind us, I let in a fragment of hope as I turn around, watching the van pull up to the house, followed by the bikes that weren’t destroyed. All the breath leaves my body as I see the police cruiser pull up behind them all.
Turning back around, I attempt to compose myself as I see Liza watching me.
Get it together, Drew.
Plastering a smile on my face, I turn back towards them. The group tumbles out of the van as if it were a fucking clown car; if I weren’t so damn nervous and miserable, it might actually be funny.
The club dismounts their bikes. And as if he were a beacon, Eli stands from the driver’s side seat, and my eyes are on him instantly.
We lock eyes for a moment, and I can see from where I stand as the gasp comes out of his mouth. As if he hadn’t expected me to be here. As if he hadn’t followed me out of the courtroom just yesterday. Almost as quickly as our eyes find one another, he looks away.
The fence is being opened as I turn back around, looking into the backyard. Pulling my phone out, pressing the screen, and put it to my ear.
“How’d it go?” Low asks in a sleepy tone.
“You’re asleep, never mind.”
“Drew, what is it?” she sounds exacerbated with me.
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”
“He’s there, isn’t he?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. Looking over where my brothers are talking with Eli.
“I’m on my way.” She says in my ear.
“Z.” Eli’s voice trails off from behind me. “I just need something to put down.”
“We’re fine. We don’t need anything.”
“Your insurance will cover it.”
“Don’t need it.”
Sighing, focusing my attention back onto the phone, I let out a sad laugh. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”
Our eyes lock again as I speak to Low, and I swear it seems like I see anger boiling over in them.
“We’re at the house, though.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Yeah, yeah…” she laughs. “I’ll be there in an hour.”
* * *
2 drinks, 4 shots, and an hour and a half later, Low shows up.
“You’re late.” I launch myself around her neck.
“And you’re drunk.” She laughs as she shakes her head.
“How else am I supposed to deal with this shit?” I shrug my shoulders. “If I leave, everyone will figure that something’s up and staying… well….”
“He still here?”
“Yes! Why? I have no fucking idea.” Shaking my head. “How he even got here. I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“I may have slashed a tire last night.”
“Drew!” she shouts as I just grin widely in response.
“And broke into his house and changed all his clocks so he’d miss the trial today.”
She stares at me wide-eyed, trying not to laugh and encourage me.
“Low!” Z slurs out, wrapping her up in a hug, already drunk himself.
“Hey Z, congrats on beating a murder rap.”
He laughs loudly as he pulls away from her.
“Z, why’s there a cop here?” Low sends him a questioning look.
“Who?” he questions, turning around and looking. “Oh, that’s just Eli.” He laughs. “He’s cool. I told him to hang out for a bit if he wanted to.”
“Wow, you’re saying a cop is cool?” Low gives him a hard time, playing into the whole notion that she’s not supposed to know who Eli is.
“We go way back.”
Zeke gives him a look, making him laugh as well.
I’m trying not to look at Eli and continue this awkward opposite poles-like reaction we have been keeping up all night. I’m curious why he’s still here. Why would he continue to hang around here all night?
* * *
The warmth presses against my side, causing my eyes to pop open. Arms are wrapped around me.
“No!” I gasp as I glance behind me. Of course it’s Eli.
Trying to rack my brain if I can remember anything about how I ended up in bed with him.
Slowly, I maneuver his arm from around me and push backwards out of the bed, tumbling to the floor.
Stopping, covering my mouth, waiting to make sure I didn’t wake him before looking for my clothes.
Grabbing a shirt and jeans, but coming up short on a bra and panties.
A grunt comes from the bed, halting me. I glance over and watch him roll on the bed.The covers sliding down his body, and I stare for a moment.
I don’t want to leave; I want to crawl back into bed with him.
I want to fall back in time and pretend like we’re back together.
Like the last 6 months haven’t happened.
“Yes.” Whispering to myself as I reach over, grab my bra off the lamp. A flash of me laughing as he reached around me, unhooking it, and flinging it to the side as his mouth engulfs my nipple, rolling it between his teeth. My body shivering underneath him.
Turning around, glancing once more. “Shit,” spotting my panties on the bed, peeking out from underneath him.
Another flash of him between my thighs as he grins up at me, pulling them down far enough to expose me before his mouth is on me.
Feeling the air as he groans against me. His words echoing around in my head.
“Fuck, I’ve been feining to taste you.”
Sighing, I decide to just leave them, pulling on my jeans and t-shirt before I’m making my way across the hall to my bedroom. Tiptoeing through my childhood room so as not to wake Low and try to grab my bag.
I’m rushing down the stairs and to the front door, hearing my name being called from somewhere in the house as the door shuts.
I’m already in my car and peeling out of the compound before the tears fall.
“Good fucking job, Drew. Why would you do that?” I shout at myself as I smack the steering wheel.
I’m in my apartment for only a moment, just long enough to change clothes, before there’s a knock on my door.
Slowly opening it, the chain catches it. I see Low standing on the other side.
“What the fuck?” she asks.
Shutting the door, I slide the chain out of the lock and reopen the door, letting her in.
I don’t have the door closed for a minute before there’s another knock.
Please don’t be him.
Exhaling with relief, Liv smiles at me through the crack.
“I swear if I had made any noise, the entire goddamn house would’ve woken up.”
“Why’d you spin out of there like that?”
Looking back and forth between them, I sigh as I walk over to the couch, flopping down onto it.
“I slept with Eli again.”
“What?” Liv starts. “Last night?”
Nodding my head, she sighs, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to me.
“Drew.” Low whispers, sitting down on the other side.
“Do you guys get off on tempting fate?” Liv asks, making me laugh as I look over. “You two fucked down the hall from your brother?”
Nodding my head as I try not to find it amusing. “The partying last night definitely played a role. It’s just flashes. All I know for sure is I woke up naked in bed with him.”
“Drew.” Liv looks at me with a look my mother used to give me.
“What?”
“Do you remember anything?” Low asks.
“I saw the light on in his room, so I went in. I’m pressed against my bedroom door, and we’re kissing. Then we’re in his bed.” I’ll leave out the part where I’m on top, riding him.
“Did you tell him?” Liv asks me.
“I doubt it.” Shrugging. “I remember saying something about we all have secrets.” I sigh. “But when I woke up this morning, it’s all I could think about. I knew if I stayed till he woke up, I’d blurt it out.”
“Blurt what out?” Low asks.
“How I’d miscarried right after we broke up.”
“Drew!” Low gasps as she looks back at me. “What…?”
“I wouldn’t have told anyone. Liv only knows because she was there. And I kinda trauma-dumped on her.”
I feel the tears falling from my eyes, and Liv pulls me close to her body. “Shh,” consoling me as she strokes my hair again.
“I love him so much it hurts.” Whispering as I look up at her.
“Have you told him that?”
“It doesn’t matter; he doesn’t want me.”
“He sure as hell wanted you last night.” Low states.
“What?”
“He couldn’t stop watching you.” She says in a whisper. “I told him he needed to up his stealth game, even though he was drunk, cause if he kept looking at you like he was claiming you, they’d piece it together.”
“He didn’t.”
“Nope, he said he can’t have what he wants.”
The statement seems similar to me as I listen to her, like I also heard it last night
“Eli, please, you don’t want me. You made that abundantly clear.” I shout at him. The cheers filtering in from outside contrasting the emotional tension in the room.
“No.” He pauses, taking a deep breath as his tongue comes out, licking his lips. “I can’t have you; there’s a difference.”
“Can’t… don’t… it’s the same outcome.”