Chapter 18
Hailey
“This is really nice,” I whispered into Merrick’s chest.
We were tangled up in his bedsheets, his hand gently wandering up and down my naked spine as I snuggled closer. We’d traveled here after the couch and basked in the afterglow of still more orgasms and the bond—something I hadn’t been able to enjoy last time.
“It should always be like this,” he said softly. “I’m sorry things went so wrong for you.”
I hummed. “I don’t know, things are starting to look up.”
My eyes met his, and I couldn’t help but smile at the serene expression on his face.
“Is it bad to admit that I’m kind of happy about this outcome?” he asked, cocking a brow with a somewhat guilty-looking expression.
I shook my head. “Not at all. This is…”
There were no words.
The bond with Merrick was so insanely different from the one with Preston. Everything in me was warm, comforted, and protected. Whereas, whenever I reached out for my bond with Preston, it hurt.
It was because of the distance, and I understood that, to a degree he didn’t want it that way either, but it didn’t make it any less crappy.
And I was still angry.
“How far along are you?” Merrick asked, his hand drifting gently down to my stomach.
“Around thirteen weeks,” I said. “I probably would have realized sooner, but I chalked up all my symptoms to separation sickness, and I’ve been on birth control, so I really didn’t think I was pregnant.”
“The sickness probably made everything so much more difficult.” Merrick hummed, his brow creasing. “I hate that you had to experience that, especially alone. Hopefully, I can make it a little better.”
“You do. Thank you,” I whispered.
“What are you thanking me for? You better not be thanking me for bonding you—that was my pleasure, I assure you.”
I snorted, rolling my eyes playfully. “Well, your pleasure is still currently… noticeable.” Between my legs was feeling rather slick, but I found I didn’t mind one bit.
Merrick’s laugh was warm and inviting. I wanted to hear it every day for the rest of my life.
And how about that. It looked like I was going to.
“How did I get so lucky?” he muttered as he ran his hands through my hair.
He had to pause occasionally whenever he hit a snag, because, thanks to our rigorous activities, it had become rather tangled.
“Maybe we should both just accept that we’re extremely lucky,” I said with a nod. “And I was thanking you because I feel settled for the first time in weeks, which is nice.”
I really did.
For once, there wasn’t an aching burn in my chest. My muscles weren’t screaming in pain, and I was finally able to think clearly.
Since the moment Preston had left me in that alleyway, nothing had felt right—at least, not until I was curled up in Merrick’s arms. His dark, oakwood scent surrounded me, the sheets soaked in it, wrapping me in a sense of comfort I hadn’t realized I’d been missing.
I really could get used to it.
My stomach growled loudly.
“Well, I think that’s a sign that you need feeding.” Merrick laughed.
We were relaxing in the morning sun, the warmth creeping into the bedroom and making everything a pretty yellow-orange color. I knew that, in theory, I had responsibilities to get back to, but I couldn’t find it in me to care at the moment.
In the light of day, I could make out so much more of Merrick’s room.
It was pretty basic: a bed, a dresser, and a TV stand, all made of dark wood.
Cream carpeting and pale blue walls. There was a hockey jersey hanging in a frame, along with a few pictures I couldn’t make out. It was decidedly a bachelor pad.
“Or it could be gas; babies have been known to make people gassy.” I shrugged, only making him laugh harder.
“Well, I adore you and your gas, Hails,” he said, craning his neck to kiss the top of my head.
Knowing this alpha liked me, potential gas and all, made my insides feel all mushy. I hadn’t had that before, an alpha liking me that deeply. Sure, guys were attracted to me. I had a great set of boobs, and that tended to sway a lot of them in my favor…
Merrick was different, though. He saw me. Preston had seen me for all of forty minutes. As far as I was concerned, he was the least of my priorities.
“Come on,” Merrick said, sitting up and taking me with him.
Moving to crawl off him, a yelp escaped my chest when his arms wrapped around me, and with no effort, he picked me up bridal style, standing and walking toward the connecting bathroom.
He didn’t stop until we were both in the shower.
“Oooh, shower time.” I beamed as he turned on the water and held his hand under the spray, testing the temperature before letting me get under it.
“Nothing like that is going to happen. I have to feed you first,” he insisted, playfully narrowing his eyes at me.
I couldn’t help the pout that spread across my face as I crossed my arms under my boobs to make my point. “That’s not fair,” I whined, resisting the urge to stamp my foot like a toddler.
Merrick wasn’t fazed. He simply smiled and guided me under the perfectly warm water, joining me in the large cubicle. “There will be plenty of time for that later—after I’ve fed you.”
“Promise?” I grinned, holding out my pinky.
Merrick bit his lip, trying not to laugh, but failed miserably. “Hailey, I promise to, at a later date, fuck you so hard in the shower, you see stars and speak in tongues.”
My brain short-circuited at those words.
All I could do was stare dumbly at him as he took my pinky in his and wiggled it a bit with a firm squeeze before turning back to the shower and grabbing a bottle of body wash.
It wasn’t until he started lathering me up that I was able to string a sentence together.
“That’s not fair… Now I’m even hornier.”
“All in good time.”
“You know I’m going to hold you to that,” I muttered, leaning into his touch as he carefully and methodically washed my body.”
He grinned at me, twinkle in his eyes and everything. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
Twenty minutes later, after the best shower back rub in existence, I was sitting on the kitchen counter, wearing one of Merrick’s shirts, watching him cook.
It was one hell of a show, especially considering he was shirtless.
He was chopping a variety of veggies. When he’d offered an omelet, I thought he meant plain, or maybe with cheese, but no. Merrick wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to fill me up with healthy produce.
“I wish I could just stay here,” I said with a wistful sigh, taking a sip of the tea he’d also made me.
“Well, you can,” Merrick told me. “You’re more than welcome, though we’ll have to get more of your stuff sooner or later.”
“There’s also about the rest of our pack…”
Merrick scrunched his nose. “Oh, yeah. We have a pack now. I suppose we’ll have to deal with that sooner or later as well. Bummer.”
“You seem very relaxed, considering your whole world changed overnight,” I pointed out.
He smiled. “It has, but for the better.”
“A random pack is for the better?” I laughed, rolling my eyes.
Merrick was over to me in a flash. He planted both his hands on either side of my hips on the counter, his eyes boring into mine.
“Anything with you is for the better, Hailey. Clearly, you haven’t been treated as you should have, but I plan to correct that.
Once we deal with our pack, I’ll be going to Walker and requesting bonding leave. ”
“You’ll…tell Walker?” I stared at him, my mouth falling open.
Merrick nodded. “You’re not a dirty little secret, Hailey. I’m fucking lucky to be bonded to you, and I’m not going to hide that. Also, I want to be here, looking after you and helping you get over the separation sickness, get through the pregnancy, for a while.”
“Do you have to tell him about the rest of our pack?” I asked.
“Not for now. I understand why you don’t want it to be public knowledge, so for now, we’ll just say that you and I bonded, and that’s why we both need the time away.”
I groaned, resting my forehead on his chest. “Both our departments are stretched thin, thanks to the wildfires. Losing two workers for a few weeks won’t be easy on them.”
“Well, our pack mate will probably be off fighting those soon. They actually started the convict firefighter program up here because of all the wildfires we get.”
“Oh…I suppose you’re right. Well, I hope he’s okay…but I also hope he’s feeling crappy.” I laughed.
Merrick threw me a good-natured smile before returning to cooking, plating an omelet and handing it to me. “Did the other two tell you why he was incarcerated?”
“Not really—honestly, they seemed pretty sketchy about it all. I got the distinct impression that they haven’t really been communicating the last few months, and when I tried to ask more, they got cagey.”
“Well, I’ll make some subtle inquiries. If they won’t tell us what the hell is going on, then we’ll find out ourselves. They’ll need to remember we’re in the pack too now.”
The constant use of the word we was small but significant.
It was no longer me against the world. It was Merrick and me fighting together. Having someone in my corner after struggling for so long was overwhelming, and tears gathered in the corner of my eyes.
“Thank you,” I said in a watery voice.
Merrick, noticing the swell of emotions, put the frying pan down and scooped me into his arms, gently whispering soothing words as I let myself break down.
“I’m sorry, I’m a wreck,” I sobbed into his bare, chiseled chest. “I blame the hormones.”
“You’re not a wreck,” he insisted. “After everything you’ve been through, I’m honestly surprised you haven’t been in a worse state. Pregnancy and bonding are going to mess with your hormones; it’ll probably be a while before everything settles down. And you’re doing amazing.”
“Great. You tied yourself to an unstable wreck!” I cried, not really sure why. This was exhausting.
Merrick chuckled, pulling me closer. “And I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
His sweet, caring words only made me cry harder. But at least they were coming from a happy place. I really was a mess, despite what he said, but again, it felt nice to be accepted as the mess I currently was, no ifs, ands, or buts.
Clearly, I had been smart choosing to bond with Merrick, because before we returned back to my apartment to face Nolan and Wilder, he had an appointment booked for me to get a sonogram.
It was with the same building I had gone to the day before for my separation sickness, so they had all my information on file as the two offices shared files on patients, which was handy.
“You know, the baby is probably just going to be a blob at this point,” I said as we sat in that little room next to the sonogram machine, waiting for a technician.
“But it’ll be a very cute blob, because it’s your blob.” He smiled, holding on to my hand.
I opened my mouth to reply but was cut off when the technician appeared. “Hello, guys! Are we ready to see Baby?” she asked.
“We are,” Merrick answered with a beaming grin.
When she placed the jelly on my stomach I jumped, because that shit was cold.
“Sorry, I keep saying we need to get a warmer for this stuff, but do they listen to me?” She laughed lightly, looking at the screen as she pressed the wand into my stomach. The screen was just a bunch of black and white static.
“I occasionally have to use these at work, and I’m always apologizing,” I admitted, scooting up the table a bit so she didn’t have to crane her arm.
“What do you do?” she asked, never looking away from the screen.
“I’m an EMT.”
A smile broke out on her face. “Wonderful! So you probably know half of what I’m doing.”
“Some of it, but I don’t come across many babies in my line of work.”
“And what do you do, Dad?” she asked.
My chest tightened at those words. Dad. Technically, as a pack member, Merrick was a dad, but this was all so new that I feared he wouldn’t be okay with it.
My worries were for nothing, though, as Merrick visibly preened at being called Dad. His eyes crinkled, as his grin was so wide it probably strained his cheek muscles.
“I’m a firefighter.”
“Well, looks like I have a couple of heroes in my office today! Now—here we go! Here’s your baby!”
The static on the screen shifted, and there, in black and white, was my baby.
“Whoa, that’s no blob,” Merrick said in an awestruck voice.
It wasn’t—okay, maybe it was slightly blobby, but the head and body were easily distinguishable. There was a nose and tiny hands…
“That’s a baby,” I whispered.
I knew I was having a baby—I was panicking about that fact plenty—but there was something about seeing it in black and white that made the whole moment hit me. This was real.
In a matter of months, I was going to be a mother. Only, I wasn’t doing it alone. Merrick was going to be by my side.
Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as everything became overwhelming.
“We can do this,” Merrick said, holding my hand tightly as he reassured me.
The strange thing was, when he said that to me, I believed him.
We were going to do it.
With or without Preston and his pack.