Chapter Sixteen
~Willa ~
As Willa entered Branch and Brew on Beckett’s arm, she was grateful for the dim lighting as it would hopefully hide the fierce blush on her cheeks. Not only had she just given Beckett a quick, sloppy blowjob, but she’d done it in public before meeting his brothers, some for the first time and others officially as his girlfriend. Was she his girlfriend? They hadn’t talked about it, and honestly, she had liked how casual they had kept things thus far, but suddenly the not knowing had her feeling a little nervous. Willa’s feet stumbled on their way to the table, but she was saved from hitting the cement floor when Beckett grabbed her elbow.
“Everything okay?” he asked, eyes filled with concern.
Not knowing how to tell Beckett that she was suddenly having an existential crisis about the exact terms of their relationship, Willa simply nodded and continued toward their destination. “It’s probably just a little dehydration. It is July and things did get a little heated in the car just now.” And by heated she meant hot as hell because getting her mouth around Beckett in his car had to be the single hottest moment of her life outside of the sex they normally had.
Wanting someone as badly as she wanted him was new and a little addicting. Willa hadn’t been sure he would be up for a little public romp, and truthfully it wasn’t something she had done or even considered doing before, but there was just something about him she couldn’t resist. Maybe it was how earnestly he spoke about his attraction to her or maybe it was the heat and need in his eyes, but Willa couldn’t seem to keep her hands off him.
The mention of their vehicular activities had the tips of Beckett’s ears turning pink and as hot as he was, Willa was interested to see he could also be that adorable, like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar. Clearing his throat, he placed his hand on her back, the heat from his skin searing hers as he leaned toward her. “Let’s leave more talk of that for later. I don’t want to scare the community by walking around with a tent pole in my jeans.”
Glancing down at his pants, Willa saw he was already getting hard again and smiled. “Okay by me, but we’ll definitely be talking about it later, maybe even doing a reenactment,” she said with a wink.
Beckett groaned but stifled it when they got to the longer high-top table currently occupied by a small group of very good-looking men and a single woman with light pink hair. Willa already knew Nate from work, but the other three occupants of the table were a mystery to her. “Hey guys.” Beckett greeted the table with a nod before beaming his bright smile down at her. “This is Willa. Willa this is Travis, Felix, Autumn, and you already know Nate.”
Nate glanced up from where he was furiously typing on his phone and gave her a small nod. “Hey, Willa.”
“Hey,” she said, her mouth dry. Suddenly meeting Beckett’s brothers and their friend felt like a really big deal, and Willa wasn’t sure how to handle it. Luckily, none of them seemed to pick up on her anxiety as they took turns introducing themselves.
Like Beckett, Felix was on the taller side and had shoulder-length hair that looked to be just a shade lighter than his brother’s. He slid from his stool and offered Willa a handshake. “It’s nice to meet you, Willa. Beckett has told us a lot about you.” He smiled at his brother before pulling a cute, pink-haired woman into his side and grinning at her. “This is my best friend, Autumn.”
Autumn smiled and extended a hand as well. “So good to meet you. It will be great to have another female at the table for once. These guys think they know everything but it’ll be you and me who really get things done,” she supplied with a wink. Felix shoved her lightly and they laughed with each other before retaking their seats.
The only person left at the table was Travis who seemed to be lost in thought as his eyes roamed the murals painted on the brown walls of the brewery. After Nate elbowed him in the side, his eyes met Willa’s and he nodded politely. “Nice to meet you.”
His voice was gruff but friendly. Despite his curtness, he put her at ease. Travis resembled a burly lumberjack on commercial paper towels or a sports team, as if he could swing an axe and cut you down to size in seconds, but instead of doing that he would chop wood and build you a fire to keep you warm.
“Same.” The man did not speak again and it seemed odd until Willa remembered Beckett mentioning that Travis was typically very quiet. Clearly, he hadn’t been exaggerating. Beckett also mentioned that Travis hated crowds and loud noises, so Willa could only imagine how they had manipulated the man into coming to trivia night.
“Now that we all know each other, should we get some drinks and get ready to kick some ass?” Beckett clapped his hands together and everyone around the table seemed to perk up at the sound, even Nate had a small smile on his face as he continued to type on his phone, though it disappeared when Beckett slapped it out of his hands. “No work, Nate.”
With an exaggerated eye roll that Willa assumed was a trademark of all little brothers, Nate pocketed his phone and joined the conversation. “Fine, but you owe me a cider for every text I get from town members complaining about fireworks that goes unanswered.”
“That’s going to be a lot of cider,” Felix announced. “How about I grab the first round?” Rising from the table, Felix disappeared into a small crowd before slipping behind the bar where Willa could see Lottie gabbing away with a few customers. When Lottie finally looked up and spotted her, she gave a friendly wave. Willa smiled and returned it, grateful for the friendly face to help calm her nerves.
As it turned out, Willa’s nerves had been unnecessary. The night progressed smoothly, the six of them having a great time chatting in between trivia rounds. When they weren’t losing, badly since the theme of the night was Americana and, apparently, all of them except for Nate had forgotten the entirety of their country’s history, they were laughing and learning more about each other. The easy comradery between the brothers was like looking through the window into another world of what her own life could have been like if she’d had any siblings.
Being an only child had its own set of advantages, but as Willa watched the group of them trade good-natured barbs and inside jokes, she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of what they had. Her envy only grew anytime they mentioned their parents. Her own parents weren’t bad necessarily, but they certainly weren’t anything like how the brothers talked about the Kemps who were by their accounts, a loving couple that lived to dote on their sons as well as teach them hard work and responsibility.
The moment of resentment towards her parents soon faded as Willa tuned back into the conversation and asked Felix about his business. His blue eyes lit up at the question. Soon, he was going into detail about why he chose specific apples, how long he distilled the cider, and what flavors he liked to add during the summer. The rest of the table went silent as the man who was clearly very passionate about his work waxed poetic on the topic, though whether the brothers were quiet because they were truly listening or because they had heard his spiel at least a dozen times before, she wasn’t sure.
After that Autumn spoke with Willa about her pottery business, some of which consisted of the beautifully glazed clay drinking glasses and plates they had been using all night long. The whole time she spoke, Felix beamed at the woman. Willa wondered if their relationship was more than just friendly. Since it was really none of her business and she couldn’t even seem to figure out her own relationship status, Willa decided to leave it alone.
Nate peppered in his opinions on various topics, but when he thought no one was looking he was back to typing away on his phone. The man was definitely a workaholic, but Willa was content to leave him to it as long as he wasn’t trying to talk shop with her after hours. Travis stayed mostly quiet the whole night, only offering a comment here and there when it was warranted, but there was something about his steady presence that Willa found relaxing. It was like he didn’t feel the need to add anything just for the sake of it, and that kind of person was a rare treat.
She herself babbled about pretty much anything to fill in any lulls in the conversation, but no one seemed annoyed by it. In fact, any time Willa had opened her mouth to speak, Beckett ended up looking at her like she was responsible for hanging the stars in the sky. It was hard not to get caught up in that kind of gaze and on more than one occasion Willa found herself trailing off when their eyes met.
“What was I saying?” she asked the group. It was probably the sixth time Willa had uttered the question, but it was impossible to stay on track when Beckett treated her like a precious commodity.
Autumn and Felix shared a conspiratorial look before she turned to Willa with a smile. “You were talking about how Florida summers would bring out bugs the size of a shoe,” she reminded her with a shudder. “I don’t think I’ll ever complain about the occasional moth or spider we find in our apartment ever again.”
“Yes, you will,” Felix told her with a knowing smile. “And I’ll still scoop them up and take them outside for you.” When he finally pulled his eyes away from his friend, he looked back over at Willa quizzically. “Since you’re from Florida, I assume you’ve been to Disney World. Is it worth the trip? My folks took us to Disneyland once, but I heard the park in Florida is ten times better.”
Suddenly, Willa’s throat seemed to close up on itself as the rest of her body stiffened at the innocent mention of what most people refer to as the happiest place on Earth. She probably would have too if it weren’t for the one person she would probably forever associate with that particular theme park spoiling it for her forever.
Jeff had ruined a lot of things for Willa, and as she searched for an answer to Felix’s question, she wondered if she would always react that way every time someone mentioned it or anything else she associated with him. They had talked about Florida in generalities and she had been just fine. Yet, apparently, getting into specifics set her teeth on edge and made her chest squeeze so tightly she thought her ribs would crack.
“Wasn’t a fan of Disneyland. Too noisy,” Travis said gruffly. Willa’s eyes met his and she gave him a grateful nod, knowing he spoke to fill her silence.
Still nodding, Willa slid off the stool and grabbed her purse. “You might like it or you might not. I guess it all depends on your past experiences.” Beckett regarded her with concern, so she patted his arm to try and reassure him even as her lungs filled with panic. “I’m going to use the lady’s room. Be right back.”
Spinning on her heel, Willa made a beeline for the bathroom, trying to breathe steadily as she pushed her way through the heavy door. Pacing back and forth on the cement floor, the clicking of her heels echoed off the walls. “So stupid,” she whispered into the empty space.
Talking about an amusement park had her whole body shaking like a leaf and her heart beating against her chest. Turning on the faucet, Willa splashed a little cold water on her face to try and pull herself out of whatever frenzy she’d inadvertently slipped into, squeezing her eyes firmly shut when Jeff’s icy stare crept into her mind. Hoping to banish it as well as the anxiety coursing through her veins, Willa practiced the box breathing her therapist had led her through on more than one occasion. On the third round of breathing, the door to the bathroom opened, but before Willa could dread the thought of someone witnessing her little freak-out, a relieved breath whooshed from her lungs when she saw that it was Lottie.
“What happened?” she asked. Willa’s head tilted as she gave her friend a knowing look. Lottie’s face scrunched up with annoyance. “Ugh. Fucking Jeff.”
It was good that Lottie knew her so well because Willa didn’t think she could explain it to her. “I don’t know what happened,” Willa cried. After dabbing her cheeks with a paper towel, Willa ran it under her eyes to gather the moisture that had fallen without her permission. “Felix asked me about Disney World and the next thing I knew it felt like my lungs were collapsing.” The towel crumpled as her hands balled into fists before she ground them against the granite counter in front of her. “When will he stop affecting me like this?”
When she glanced over at Lottie, there was a look of empathy on her face. She didn’t have a horrible ex in her past like Willa, but she’d confided to her back in college that her parents had been pretty unavailable emotionally during her childhood and it still affected her often enough, so if anyone got it, it was Lottie.
“I wish I could tell you it won’t ever happen again, but the truth is I just don’t know.” She reached out and pulled Willa into a hug, Lottie’s soft body feeling like it was cushioning the fall she’d just taken. Lottie lightly brushed over Willa’s hair, and she idly considered what a great mom her friend would be someday despite never having had the best example herself. Willa hoped that she would too, but kids wouldn’t happen if she couldn’t deal with this first. There was no way she was passing all her trauma onto another generation. “I do think it will get better with time, and it certainly helps that the man you’re with is one of the best I’ve ever met. In fact, he’s currently leaning against the wall outside looking like he wants to kick the ass of anyone who has ever wronged you.”
Willa huffed as she leaned out of the hug. “He is pretty great.” Beckett was better than great, he was fantastic and Willa felt awful that she had kind of ruined their night out with his family.
“Hey,” Lottie said, shaking her shoulders. “You’re pretty great too, so stop whatever it was you were just thinking about yourself.”
Sniffing, Willa finished dabbing her face and tossed the shredded towel. “It’s scary how well you know me sometimes. Are you sure you aren’t some kind of psychic witch or something?”
Lottie snorted as she swung open the door. “Psychic? No. A witch? Well, I guess it depends on the day and who you ask,” she sassed. “See you later.” She nodded at Beckett before giving Willa an unsubtle shove in his direction.
Even though she knew he wouldn’t be upset with her, she was still feeling small and vulnerable after her near panic attack. “Hey,” Willa mumbled.
She tried to avoid his gaze, but Beckett slipped a finger under her chin and tilted her eyes up to face him, regarding her shrewdly before pulling her into a hug. Willa’s arms wrapped around his large body automatically as she breathed in his clean linen scent, picturing him hanging sheets up to dry in the sun near a group of apple trees. The image suited him, and keeping it in her mind’s eye as she listened to the steady beat of his heart had her feeling much better than she had moments ago, though the memory of her hasty exit from the table still weighed heavy on her mind.
“Is your family wondering why you’re with such a basket case?” Willa knew she shouldn’t be mean to herself, but she couldn’t help it when triggering events happened.
“None of that, please,” Beckett scolded, but there was no heat in it. When Willa met his gaze again, he still had that look of adoration in his eyes. The look had her heartbeat slowing again, realizing that maybe she hadn’t scared him away with her particular brand of crazy just yet. “You are not a basket case. It’s not your fault that you’re afraid of It’s a Small World .”
Willa scoffed. “What are you talking about?” Beckett knew all about how Jeff had taken her to Disney World for their first date and many after, and he absolutely knew about how much she couldn’t stand the place now.
An amused smile played on his face. “I didn’t want to tell your story for you, so when Felix asked if he’d said something wrong, I told him you were afraid of all the animatronic dolls that look like kids.” He shrugged and Willa tried not to laugh at the thought of that being her greatest fear, though to be fair those things were a bit creepy. “It was the first thing that popped into my head.”
Willa chuckled and held him tighter. “It was a good thought,” she conceded. “They do look a little off.”
Beckett nodded solemnly. “It’s the eyes. There’s nothing behind them, like a serial killer’s.”
Willa’s head hit his chest as she started to laugh in earnest. “Please don’t say stuff like that,” she chuckled. “Now I’m going to have nightmares about possessed toddlers in wooden clogs chasing me down an alleyway or something.”
Beckett rubbed his hands up and down her back before kissing the top of her head. “Don’t worry. I’ll be with you and I think I can fend them off pretty well.” Willa could easily picture Beckett saving her from all kinds of evils, including creepy robot children.
“Part of your training at the fire academy?” she asked. They started back toward the table hand in hand, and the crushing weight of an impending panic attack was almost entirely forgotten.
“Something like that,” Beckett said. Their fingers still laced together, they rejoined the group and when Felix tried to apologize, Willa was able to wave him off with a laugh.
She had been wondering if dating Beckett would be a problem, but the more time they spent together, the more Willa started to think that he was part of the solution. Trusting him was getting easier and easier, but it was her reliance on herself not to get too caught up in him that was still proving difficult. Maybe she could just let herself fall, but at the end of the day if things went poorly, the only person that would be there to catch Willa was Willa, and she wasn’t quite sure she was ready for that.