Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
Carson
There was no way I could ignore that something was up with Asia anymore.
I’d taken her out tonight, and after dinner, I gave her the gift card for The Beauty Bar along with the vintage Chanel pearl necklace she’d showed me and said she wanted.
This girl cried a bucket of tears into her chocolate cake.
Now I wasn’t a genius, but either she was feeling guilty about some shit or she was pregnant.
Running my middle finger over my eyebrow, I chuckled. Standing, I headed toward the bar to get a few napkins so she could wipe her face. Her cries turned into sniffles.
“I’ve been more than patient with you, Asia, but there is clearly something going on with you,” I said, returning to my seat once she was done wiping her face. “Are you pregnant?”
Sniffling, she shrugged and avoided my eyes. “I’m not sure. I might be.”
“And it’s mine?” Her eyes met mine and she nodded. “Yes. I haven’t been with anyone else since we met.”
“Have you been thinking there’s a chance you’re pregnant? Is that why you’ve been acting different lately?”
She released a shaky breath and ran her fingers through her hair. “Yes. I’ve been stressed and sad. I don’t want to be pregnant, which is why I haven’t wanted to take the test or mentioned it to you.”
“Why don’t you want to have my baby?”
Her eyes watered again as she smiled, but she blinked them back quickly. “I don’t want to have anyone’s baby right now, Carson. I don’t know if I want kids at all. I haven’t really completely started living for myself yet.”
I could understand and respect that. A lot of the choices Asia made for her life were based on her parents’ guidance and desires.
That was why she was back in school at the age of thirty three to get the degree she wanted.
When she first went to school, she received her bachelor’s in business because her mother said college was the time for her to find a husband.
She picked a random program and spent that four years majoring in dating.
Now, she was going to school for what she was most passionate about—computer science.
“If you are pregnant, are you going to get an abortion?”
“No,” she answered quickly. “That never crossed my mind. More than anything, I’ve just been in a depressing denial.”
“Well, that ends tonight. Finish your drink, and we’ll stop by the store to get a few tests.”
Her expression was sad as she nodded and grabbed her glass.
As angry and hurt as I was, I understood why she felt the way she did.
Even though I would be there for her and our child, the biggest burden would be on her.
Not only would she have to carry and give birth to our baby, but a mother’s load was always heavier than a father’s regardless of how present he was.
The emotional taxation along with the nurturing and priority a woman was required to give her family was something a lot of women didn’t know they’d experience until they gave birth.
I saw that shit firsthand with Creole and his wife.
They swore they were ready to start their family until my niece actually got here and they realized just how big of a responsibility having a child was.
I could look back and think about the times they would get breaks from my niece.
Even though Raven would physically be without her, she’d still be mentally and emotionally connected to my niece to the point where she couldn’t really enjoy herself.
Her entire life revolved around her baby and husband to the point where she lost herself and ended up asking for a divorce.
Eventually she realized she didn’t want to be without Creole and Caroline; she just needed more balance and to get back to the things she enjoyed other than being a mother.
Raven had dreams of opening her own business and traveling the world.
And now, she didn’t do anything unless it involved her family.
It didn’t matter how much help Creole provided or how much he insisted she get away and spend time with herself.
Raven’s love for him and their daughter made it damn near impossible for her to do anything for herself it seemed, and I couldn’t imagine how that would feel if a woman was in that position unwillingly and wanted more for her life than that.
After Asia was done, I paid the check and we headed out.
The ride to Walgreens was silent. A part of me wanted to be there for her, but I couldn’t help but think about my own feelings too.
This wasn’t how I saw my family starting, or who I saw myself having a baby with.
We used a condom every time, and even though I knew they weren’t 100 percent effective, I was still shocked that there was even a chance she was pregnant.
The only other time I had a baby scare was in high school when I first started fucking, and I thanked God for months after the tests came back negative.
We ended up getting three different tests from three different brands before going back to her apartment.
I assured her that I was here for her and the baby if she was pregnant, and that assurance didn’t seem to be enough to lift her spirits.
Still, she took the tests, then joined me in the bedroom.
“Are you upset?” she asked quietly.
“That you might be pregnant? No. That you’ve been suffering through this alone? Absolutely.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. You’ve been asking what’s up with me constantly but I just… couldn’t pull myself to tell you the truth. Things were going so well between us, and I didn’t want me getting pregnant to mess that up.”
“Why would that be the case? What have I said or done to make you believe I was that kind of man?”
“Nothing,” she muttered, avoiding my eyes. “It wasn’t you really. It was me. Like I said, I don’t want a baby right now. I guess I didn’t want that to make you look at me differently.”
Taking her hand into mine, I kissed it. “You sharing your truth with me will never make me look at you differently. The more transparent you are with me, the better I’ll be able to help you.
I know you don’t want a baby right now, but if you are pregnant, we have to do what we have to do.
Hopefully you’ll have confidence in knowing you went half on a baby with a solid ass man that won’t let you go through this alone.
This baby won’t change any of the plans you have for yourself, Asia.
I can promise you that. Even if I have to have full custody.
Everything you wanted to do, I promise, you’ll still be able to do. ”
Her tears fell again, but this time, she smiled. Asia wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. “Thank you, baby. I—thank you.”
“Always. I got you no matter what.”
I held her until her alarm went off, then we went into the bathroom to look at the tests.
All three were positive. As scared as she was, seeing the positive confirmation seemed to shift something inside of her.
She squealed before jumping into my arms. The reaction caught me so off guard it took me a second to process it.
“Oh my God, Carson. We’re going to have a baby.”
My brows wrinkled as I swayed and held her close.
“Yeah,” I mumbled before releasing a low laugh. “We’re… going to have a baby.”
I certainly didn’t feel how I thought I would, but I meant what I’d said.
Neither she nor our baby would want for anything, and I was going to make sure my baby had all the love and opportunities in the world.
This may not have been planned or with the woman I would have chosen, but I knew the risks every time I made my way between a woman’s legs.
Asia was cool and we were having a good time, but I wouldn’t lie and say I would have proposed to her and intentionally gotten her pregnant one day.
I never fucked her raw, or any other woman for that matter.
When she told me she wasn’t on birth control, I should have pulled out even with me wearing a condom.
Either way, we were going to have a baby, whether we wanted to or not. The longer I held her, the more it felt like her sadness was being transferred into me. As a man, I’d carry that load, but I hoped it would leave me before our baby was born.