Chapter 12 Put on your Big Boy Pants
Chapter twelve
Put on your Big Boy Pants
Beau
Present day…
My eyes slowly open, and I try to take in the room around me.
Where the fuck am I?
My contacts burn in my eyes since I apparently slept in them, and my head is pounding.
I hear a far-too-cheerful, “Morning, sunshine.”
Craning my neck, I see Christie walking into the room.
Well, shit.
I don’t even remember coming over here last night. In fact, I remember Dylan walking me home. Why the fuck didn’t I just go to bed?
Christie must see my wheels turning because she says, “Wondering how you got here, huh?”
Before she takes a seat on the side of the bed, she hands me a glass of water and a couple of aspirin.
“Thanks,” I mumble before tossing them down my gullet.
“Well, last night, after a particularly shitty day, I texted you to see if you wanted to have some fun. You said yes and came over.”
I press my thumb and finger into the pounding in the center of my forehead. “Did we?” My voice trails off before I can finish my thought.
“Oh, no.” She laughs. “You were way too drunk for that.”
Thank God.
While I have had sex while drunk before, I never want to be so fucked up that I don’t remember.
I don’t know why, but something about it just doesn’t seem right.
Christie looks at me. “Do you want to talk about what had you all tore up last night?”
“What did I say?”
“Not much. You just kept mumbling and saying things were going to be different now.”
Not wanting to explain the whole thing to Christie, I say, “Man, I don’t even know what I was saying. A couple buddies and I went out to have a couple drinks, and I guess we just took it too far. I should know better than to do hard liquor.”
That last part is actually true.
The look she shoots me says she’s not buying what I’m selling, but she doesn’t call me out on it. She instead nods.
I think she knows that she and I shouldn’t go too far down the feelings road when we both know that road is a dead end.
“I’m sorry I was so fucked up,” I tell her. “I should never have come over like that.”
“Beau, it’s not a big deal.”
I’m about to tell her that it is in fact a big deal, but she keeps going. “I know what it’s like to want to forget about your problems for a little while with something that maybe isn’t the healthiest outlet.”
“You get drunk too?”
She smiles. “No, I fuck you.”
I can’t tell if she’s kidding or not, and right now, I’m not sure that I really want to know the answer.
Slowly getting out of Christie’s bed, I realize I’m still fully clothed. I even have my shoes on.
“I’m really sorry,” I reiterate.
She tells me it’s okay once again, but I make a mental note that I’m going to buy her some new sheets. At this point, it’s the least I could do. Maybe I’ll include some flowers. And an apology note. Hell, maybe just some cash.
Okay, not cash. That may make her feel like a hooker.
Or would it since we didn’t even sleep together?
Lord, I’m making my head hurt even worse.
After a couple more apologies, I manage to get out of Christie’s and start walking home. Usually, I take my walk of shame at night after she and I have had our fun. There’s usually a pep in my step because I just got laid. In the early morning sun, I feel like a piece of shit.
My head continues to pound as the rays beat down on me. I know it’s not even hot out, but it feels like a damn spotlight targeting me.
I walk through my front door, expecting to be greeted by Mia, but the house is completely silent.
Last time I remember talking to my mom, she said she was going to bring Mia home.
I assume she still has my dog because Mia’s not one that would run off.
Even if she did, everyone around here knows her and would bring her home.
I figure I need to go get her, but I’m going to shower first. I’m sure I smell like a distillery.
I stand under the spray of the hot water until it turns cold, and I thank God that I don’t have to go to work today.
I guess I should be thanking Dylan. He’s the one who switched shifts with me when he saw my condition last night.
That gives me a whole day to pull myself together and stop being so dramatic.
After I’m showered, I take out my contacts in exchange for my glasses for the day and leave for my mom’s.
Usually, I’d walk, but with how I feel, driving sounds easier…and faster.
As soon as I pull in her driveway, I see Mia doing a happy little dance on the other side of the screen door. No matter how crappy I feel, that dog never ceases to make me smile.
I step out of the truck, and she adds some cute excited yelps to her tapping feet.
“Hi, girl,” I greet, reaching down to give her belly rubs.
My mother must hear me and comes walking in from the kitchen. “Man, you look like hell.”
“Hello to you too.”
“Sorry, honey. But you really do look like death warmed over.”
“If it’s possible, I somehow feel even worse than that.”
She motions for me to follow her. “Come on. I just made a fresh pot of coffee.”
When we get to the kitchen, I sit down in a chair at the table, and my dog jumps into the chair next to mine. I look at her like she’s lost her mind, but my mother doesn’t seem the least bit fazed.
“Mom,” I begin. “Do you let my dog sit at the table to eat?”
“What gives you that idea?”
“Well, either you’re letting her eat at the table, or she sits here and plays Poker with you.”
“Would you believe the Poker thing?” She asks with a weak smile.
“No.”
“Look, when Mia comes to Grandma’s, she gets the royal treatment. You don’t go on vacation and not expect top-notch service.”
“Top-notch? Are you forgetting that I used to live here? It wasn’t a luxury resort.”
Her eyes narrow in on me. “Oh, yes, you had it so awful. Three meals a day, hot water, and electricity. You poor thing. And in case you’re forgetting, I let you sit at the table too.”
“I’m your son.”
“True. But Mia has given me far fewer gray hairs than you and your brother did.”
I sip my coffee. “Fair enough. But I hope she doesn’t expect this treatment at home.”
“We’ve been doing it for about six months, and you never noticed until today.”
“We need to find you a hobby aside from eating dinner with my dog.”
Her eyes rake over me. “Judging from the looks of you, I’d say I’m not the only one who needs some new hobbies.”
I release a chuckle but don’t actually respond.
She waits a moment before starting again. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on, or do you want me to guess?”
“I doubt you’d be able to guess this one.”
“Jo is back in town?”
“How–”
“I heard the sheriff bitching about it at the gas station.”
I laugh. “I bet he’s thrilled that she’s back.”
“To be honest, I don’t care how the sheriff feels. I’m more concerned with how my son is handling the news.”
“Well, let’s see. I found out she was back and then, I ran into her at the store. She wanted to be friends, and I basically told her to fuck off. I went to drown my sorrows when her brother found me and informed me she’ll be working at the shop.”
“Damn.” My mom taps her fingers on the table. “You had an eventful day. No wonder you got sloshed.”
“While it felt warranted at the time, it probably wasn’t the best coping mechanism.”
“Definitely not. Look, Beau, I understand Jo and you had a pretty rocky goodbye, but can I give you my two cents on the matter?”
I could say no, but I know she’s going to tell me anyway, so I just nod.
“I know this whole thing is hard for you. I know it was hard on you back then, but you never really dealt with it.”
I feel the need to jump in. “I definitely did deal with it.”
“No, Jo left, and you immediately went off to school. You threw yourself into that. Then, you started dating, and you threw yourself into…other things.” She clears her throat before continuing.
“After that, we lost your brother and your dad. You moved home, but you went right back to work. You have been able to push Jo to the back of your mind since she has been long gone. Now that she’s home, you’re going to have to finally deal with it. ”
Maybe she has a point as much as I hate to admit it.
“Okay,” I huff out in a heavy sigh. “How exactly do you recommend I do that?”
“Well, for starters, you have to put on your big boy pants.”
“Ouch,” I whine.
“Sorry, but you going out and getting rip-roaring drunk and then falling into bed with Christie isn’t doing anyone any good.”
“How’d you know?”
“Honey, between you calling me, asking me to watch Mia and then showing up this morning still smelling like whiskey, it wasn’t hard to put together.”
“Right,” I mumble.
“Look, you need to make sure Jo doesn’t get under your skin. Even if she does, you can’t let her know that. You need to live your best life and let her regret all of her decisions. Make her think that you’re better off without her–because you are.”
Mom always liked Jo. Back in the day, she’d say she thought Jo had feelings for me, but she was in denial. When she left town, all the warm fuzzy feelings my mother had for her went right out the window.
She goes on, “You just keep doing what you were doing before that little woman got back into town.”
“I just can’t believe she said she wanted to be friends again.”
After another sip of coffee, she asks, “How do you feel about that?”
“Like I’m still pissed at her and confused as to why she left town in the first place. I’m not ready to be her friend.”
“Good. Just keep living your life the way you were, and you’ll be just fine.”
She says the words like they’re so simple.
If only that was the case.