Chapter 18 You are One Bad Ass Bitch
Chapter eighteen
You are One Bad Ass Bitch
Jo
“So, let me get this straight–you have been back for approximately two weeks, and you’ve already been kicked out of the animal shelter?” Ronnie is laughing so hard that she can barely get out the words.
“I don’t know what’s so funny, chuckles. You’re not exactly a saint,” I tell her.
“No, but I’ve never been kicked out of the animal shelter.”
“Yeah. It’s not great. I’ll give you that.”
The woman who is giving me a pedicure gives me a very judgy look.
Don’t you start with me, lady.
When I asked Ronnie if she wanted to hang out, this wasn't what I had in mind. Manis and pedis aren’t really my idea of a good time.
But I was bored and didn’t want to be stuck at home with nothing to do, so I’m trying to roll with it–even though having a stranger touch my feet gives me the heebie jeebies.
“So, are you really not allowed back at the shelter?” Ronnie asks, finally quieting her laughter. “Or was Annie just blowing smoke?”
“Oh, she was serious. I’ve never seen Annie so mad…or mad at all actually. I feel so bad. I didn’t mean for things to escalate like that. It’s all Beau’s fault. He didn’t have to be such a dick.”
“Well,” Ronnie begins, but her voice trails off.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
I sigh. “Oh, just say it, Veronica.”
“I’m not saying I agree with how Beau was acting, but I guess I kind of get it.”
I don’t say anything because I know my sister, and I know she’s not even close to being done.
“You ruffled a lot of feathers when you left, Beau’s most of all.
When you skipped town, he had to learn to live without his best friend.
After he figures out how to do that, you’re back.
And not only are you back, but you’re working with him.
On his day off, he goes to the shelter to volunteer, and boom, you’re there too. ”
“So, I’m not allowed to enjoy the town that I call home?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. Maybe just cut the guy a little slack. I know from experience that not having Joanna Lawson around is a tough pill to swallow.”
“Oh, I still saw you, Ronnie. Every time I came home, we got together.”
“I know. But you never hung out with Beau. He went from spending every single day with you to not seeing you at all.”
To be honest, I’ve never really thought of it like that.
I’ve not given it much thought at all because if I did, I probably would have turned around and came right back home.
And at the time, I thought leaving was what was best for everyone.
I didn't think Beau would’ve held a grudge.
Hell, I didn’t think that he would even still be in town.
I figured he would have left to do amazing things and would have completely forgotten about me.
I guess I was wrong.
Maybe about everything.
But hindsight is 20/20.
Realizing I haven’t spoken in a few minutes, I look over at Ronnie and say, “When did you start turning into Mom with all of your wise words?”
She lets out a literal shiver. “Man, don’t put that curse on me.”
The woman doing my pedicure hits a part on the bottom of my foot that makes my ass bounce off the seat.
“Whoa! What are you doing?”
She holds up a large file. “Getting rid of the dead skin. It’ll make your feet soft.”
“Please stop,” I say.
“But it’s part of the pedicure.” She looks beyond confused.
“I understand. But if you keep doing that, I’m going to accidentally kick you in the face. For your own safety, it’s best that you stop.”
She looks to Ronnie who says, “As someone who has been kicked in the face by her, I suggest just moving on to painting her toenails.”
I don’t know that I want my toenails painted either, but it’s preferable to the alternative of the shit that tickles.
After I get another odd look for picking the color black, Ronnie and I are able to get back to our conversation.
She turns to me. “Jo, are you okay?”
“Not really. You brought me to a nail salon,” I joke.
That earns me an eyeroll. “I’m serious. Ever since you’ve been back, you haven’t seemed like yourself. Hell, you haven’t danced on a single bar top or tried to set anything on fire.”
“I’m okay,” I tell her. “I’ve been gone so long, and I think I’m just trying to figure out where I fit in.”
I’m a little envious of Ronnie because she never had these problems. She left town to travel the world, but she always kept one foot here in Lilly Leaf Falls.
It was always her home base, and when she’d come back, she didn’t change a thing about herself.
She knew exactly who she was. I used to feel like that.
Now, I feel a bit like I’m flailing in the tide.
As if able to read my mind, Ronnie says, “Jo, you are a force of nature. You’ve never given a shit about fitting in. In fact, you always enjoyed going against the grain. What’s changed?”
“What hasn’t changed, Ronnie?”
“Jo, don’t you dare answer my question with a vague question of your own. Just answer me.”
Man, she really is sounding like our mother.
“Ten years ago, I was living here. I was one-hundred percent myself all the time. Then, I left. I jumped from guy to guy. Each one of them tried to change something about me. It was usually something small that I barely noticed before it was too late. It took little pieces of me until I started to forget what made me me. Now that I am home I don’t know how to be.
If I go back to being wild and crazy Jo, everyone will tell me to calm down because I’m almost thirty.
If I tone it down, my family will think something is psychologically wrong with me. ”
Ronnie mulls over my words for a moment.
“You’ve never talked much about your life when you weren’t living here. We’ve gotten little tidbits, but you never gave any details.”
“Frankly, I don’t like to think about it much.”
“Why?” Ronnie asks.
“Well, for starters, I don’t come out looking very good in any of those stories. And I just don’t like spending that much time or energy thinking about the past. It’s too depressing.”
The things I’m telling her aren’t things I ever say out loud. I’d rather not think or talk about them and just pretend they never happened. Maybe that’s immature of me, but it’s the only way I know how to deal with things without falling down a deep dark hole of depression and self-loathing.
Reading my energy, Ronnie pivots the conversation a bit.
“Jo, I have known you your whole life, and ever since you were born, you have lived life according to no one else’s rules.
Just because some guy dulled your shine for a while doesn’t mean shit.
You are one bad ass bitch, and you need to remind yourself of that every single day. ”
“Is that right?” A small smile creeps across my lips.
“Fuck yes!” She says it so loud the woman doing her pedicure jumps.
Ronnie looks at her. “Shit, I’m sorry. My sister just needed to be reminded how awesome she is.”
The woman doesn’t look the least bit amused, but in typical Ronnie fashion, she moves on without giving it a second thought. “Jo, I need you to put your party girl pants back on and go out and have some fun with me.”
“You want to go party? Don’t you want to stay home with your man and stepson?” I question.
“While yes, I love Drew and my little bonus baby, I need to get out and let loose every once in a while. It helps keep me young.”
“Ronnie, you’re not that young. You’re coming up on–”
She cuts me off. “We don’t need to talk about that.”
I laugh because I know thirty-five is still young, but I get a kick out of messing with her.
Before we can go much further, our pedicures are done, and it’s time to move onto manicures. I really don’t want any shit on my fingernails, but if I tell this lady no again, she’s going to be super pissed.
Ronnie and I are taken to different stations that aren’t close enough for us to continue yapping.
That's fine. I need a break from all of her questions and thoughts on how I’m currently living my life. Ronnie always has a ton of opinions, and I’m just not wanting to hear all of them right now. While the lady works on my nails, I completely space out.
While I don’t want to admit that Ronnie is right, I know she brings up some valid points. I haven’t exactly been myself since getting back. I’ve been so stuck inside my own head that I’ve barely even had any fun.
My main reason for coming back to Lilly Leaf Falls was to be with my family again. My secondary reason was because I was tired of not recognizing the girl staring back at me in the mirror. I hated that feeling.
I never used to feel that way when I was living here as a kid. I hoped when I got back, things would maybe start to click again.
Maybe I have to make more of an effort to make it click. I think Ronnie is right.
It’s time to go out and have some fun.
I think it’s time this town got reacquainted with Jo Lawson.