Chapter 21 Uhm.You’re a Dick?
Chapter twenty-one
Uhm...You're a Dick?
Jo
Sometimes, I can be a real pain in the ass. I’m well aware of this fact, but it was made clear again last night at Giddy Ups.
Not only did I get drunk and dance on a pool table, but then, I told Beau he had a stick up his ass before asking him if he thinks he will hate me forever. Oh, and to top it all off, I threw up all over his shoes.
I knew shots of Fireball were a bad idea.
While it’s true that I would like for Beau to stop hating me, sober me would have never been so blunt about it. I would have kept that shit locked down and never let myself be so vulnerable.
I really need to find a happy medium between fun Jo and wild Jo.
To make amends, I got up early and went to buy Beau a new pair of shoes after I upchucked on his.
After begging Dylan to give me Beau’s address, I went to his house to ask him what size he wore.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to because the gross ones were still on the porch.
A couple hours later, I had a brand new pair waiting for him.
Maybe that will get him to hate me a little less.
Probably not.
But that’s not why I did it. I did it because it was the right thing to do after I was an asshole.
As I get out of the shower, I head into the living room. I pull a brush through my wet tangled hair, grimacing every time I hit a snag.
Dylan looks up at me from his phone. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay today?”
“Dylan, if you ask me that one more time, I’m going to kick your ass.”
“I just–”
I cut him off. “It’s babysitting, not rocket science. I’ll be fine.”
He starts rambling off things about the girls that he thinks I may need to know, causing me to roll my eyes.
“Dylan, I don’t know if you know this, but your daughters and I have actually met before. We live together, and oh yeah, they're my nieces!”
Before he can say anything, Leah comes walking in. As she puts in her earrings, she says, “Dylan, leave Jo alone. She’ll be fine. And if you keep fucking with her, she won’t want to babysit anymore, and that will lessen your chances of getting laid quite a bit.”
When Leah isn’t looking, I stick my tongue out at my brother.
“Leah, Jo is being a little shit,” he whines.
She just says, “I don’t care. For the next 24 hours, we don’t have to be on parent duty. She can do whatever she wants."
A few moments later, I finally have them shoved out the door. Well, Dyl was the only one I had to shove. Leah practically skipped to the car.
I love my brother, but he needs to remove the stick from his ass. Even if I did have a problem, I have damn near a dozen other family members less than ten minutes away that I could call.
Luna comes running out of her bedroom. “Did Mommy and Daddy leave?”
“Yep. You’re stuck with me for the night.”
I wonder if that fact is going to make her sad, but she gets a sly, devilish grin on her face and whispers, “Yes!”
“Sadie is still down for her nap, so what do you want to do first?”
“Play unicorns! No! Play restaurant! No! Play mermaids! No!” Out of breath, she says, “I don’t know.”
“Who says we have to pick? Why can’t we do all of them?”
Her eyes light up, and she jumps up and down. Grabbing my hand, she tries pulling me off the couch. “Let’s go!”
***
Half an hour later, the living room has been completely transformed into a literal play place.
The couch and ottoman are now the structure for a fort.
A big blue blanket surrounds the girls’ small ball pit.
It’s supposed to be water for the mermaids.
A toy kitchen with all the assorted food sits to one side, and a graveyard of naked Barbies lies on the floor.
Even with all of that, Luna has decided she wanted to pretend we were going on an adventure, so we are creeping around the dark living room with flashlights, looking for monsters.
Trying to freak Luna out, I act like I see something in the fort. Sneaking around, I’m about to scare the crap out of her, but the joke’s on me because someone knocks on the door, and I jump about a foot in the air.
“Son of a bitch!” I cry.
Luna nods. “Son of a bitch.”
“Don’t say that,” I tell her as I make my way to the door.
As I swing it open, I see my mother standing on the other side with a very confused look on her face.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Joanna,” she greets. “Why is it so dark?”
“We were on an adventure through the woods.”
“Oh, right. Well, can I come in?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On if you’re just here to check up on me.”
Her nose crinkles. “Okay, yes, Dylan did ask me to come make sure you were okay, but I brought a peace offering.” She holds up a brown paper bag. “Cheesecake.”
“Okay, you may enter,” I say, stepping out of the way.
As she comes inside, she says, “Man, you really get into character, huh?”
Before I can say anything, Luna squeals, “Grandma!” Mom quickly hands me the bag in anticipation of the toddler jumping into her arms.
“There’s my girl! Where’s your sister? Did Aunt Jo Jo lose her?”
I roll my eyes. “She’s just napping.”
We work our way into the kitchen where Mom sets Luna on the counter before getting plates out for the cheesecake.
Another knock on the door has me looking at her. “Should I be expecting Dad?”
“Not to my knowledge.”
“Geez, it’s like Grand Central Station in here,” I mumble as I walk to the door.
This time, when I swing it open, it’s Beau standing on the porch.
He looks me up and down. “What are you supposed to be?”
I realize that through my playtime with Luna, I have just kept adding clothes and accessories. Now, I have a tiara, an apron, elf ears, a cape, and a mermaid skirt.
Looking down, I answer, “A mermaid-elf princess who just got off work at the restaurant and am about to go on a quest.”
He looks even more confused.
I add, “I’m watching my nieces for the night.”
“Okay, that makes sense.”
An awkward silence lingers between the two of us for a moment before I say, “So, what’s up?”
“You drive me crazy. Do you know that?”
“Uh—“
He doesn’t give me a chance to continue.
“I am trying really damn hard to keep hating you, but then, you do something nice like buy me new shoes.”
“Beau, I just bought you new shoes because I ruined yours. It wasn’t like it was a gift or something.”
He keeps going as though he doesn’t even hear me.
“I try to ignore you, but you’re literally everywhere.
I went to Giddy Ups for fuck’s sake, and there you were!
And it’s not like you were quietly sitting in a booth to where I might not have even seen you.
No! You’re hustling guys at pool and dancing on tables!
You’re hard to ignore when you’re doing things like that.
Plus, you’re just a flurry of black hair and teeth. ”
“Teeth?”
“Yes! Teeth! Why are your teeth so fucking white?”
He’s officially lost his mind.
“I didn’t think having white teeth was a bad thing.”
“Well…maybe it is.” His tone changes a little as if he’s realizing he sounds nuts.
“Jo, I don’t know how I’ll feel about you in a year, but right now, I’m still pissed.
Every time I look at you, I’m reminded of that fact.
And when you’re constantly around and in my face, it makes it harder not to look at you. ”
“I get what you’re saying,” I tell him.
“Just…can you just stop being so Jo?”
I laugh. “I’m not quite sure how to do that, but I guess I can try.”
“I’m just not ready to stop hating you yet. I’m not that same nerdy push-over I was in high school.”
He turns to walk away, but before he does, he turns back like he forgot something. “Thank you for the shoes. They’re perfect.”
“You’re welcome.” A moment later, I add, “And Beau? For the record, I never thought you were a nerdy push-over.”
He officially gets another annoyed look on his face. “See? Stop saying shit like that! It’s too nice!”
“Sorry,” I stammer. “Uhm…you’re a dick.” I say it almost like a question rather than a statement.
“Better.” He looks me up and down. “You really do look ridiculous.”
“I know.”
With that, he turns and walks off.
I head back inside and see Mom holding Sadie who has woken up from her nap. My mother has a knowing look in her eye.
“I take it you heard all of that?” I ask.
“Most of it.”
“And?”
“And what?” She asks.
“And why don’t you go ahead and say what you want? I know you must have thoughts.”
“I’m not going to meddle.”
Since when?
“But,” she begins.
There it is.
“Jo, I still don’t know everything that went on between you and Beau, and I don’t need to. Honestly, I thought you two were going to end up together. You were kind of perfect for each other.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen,” I tell her.
“He not enough of a bad boy for you?” She jokes.
“That wasn’t it at all,” I snap. “Beau was absolutely the most incredible person I knew. He deserved the best.”
“So, what was the problem?”
“The best wasn’t me.”
She points her finger at me. “Hey, that’s my daughter you’re talking about.”
“I’m just saying that Beau deserves someone who had their shit together and someone who wouldn’t fuck him over. Clearly, that wasn’t me.”
She looks like she wants to say something else but decides not to.
Instead, I ask, “Can we have cheesecake now?”
“Of course.”
I reach into the bag, seeing if there are any plastic forks. What I find though is a small box.
Pulling it out, I look from it to my mother. “Really? Nicotine patches?”
“I thought you could use them.”
“I don’t even smoke that much,” I tell her.
“Then, it shouldn’t be that hard for you to quit.”
Luna gets her attention, wanting her to come see something she did in her room, so I’m left to my own thoughts. I should probably be more pissed about the nicotine patches and my mother’s constant need to control my life, but that’s not where my mind goes.
I think about our conversation about Beau instead. I never knew she thought Beau and I would end up together. I meant what I said. I’d never be good enough for a man like Beau.
I’m not saying this to be down on myself.
I never have an issue finding a man. The trouble is that they tend to lose interest when they figure out how much of a mess I am.
And no one knows how much of a mess I am better than Beau.
Could I be happy with someone like Beau?
Yes. Could Beau be happy with someone like me? I doubt it.
It’s not like any of that matters. I don’t see his hate for me waning anytime soon.