Chapter 27 I Can’t be Your Friend
Chapter twenty-seven
I Can't be Your Friend
Jo
What the hell is wrong with Beau?
That’s the question that keeps running through my mind as I walk through the streets of Lilly Leaf Falls. I didn’t stay much longer at the dance. As charming as Jamie was, my heart just wasn’t in it.
And to be honest, if he put his hands on me one more time, I was going to break his fingers.
So, I ran back to Dylan’s to change clothes and decided to take a walk. I didn’t want to get stuck talking about my feelings with my brother.
I’m not sure how the interaction between Beau and myself got so heated. Okay, I do know. How could he be fucking Christie? She was an absolute nightmare in high school.
I just don’t get it. He and I were doing so much better, and then, suddenly, he’s back to being a jerk. And I didn’t even do anything this time!
The longer I walk, the angrier I get. And it’s not just anger but pure confusion. I understand that I hurt Beau. I get it. What I did to him was awful, but that doesn’t explain his back and forth behavior. Either hate me or don’t, damn!
As I’m walking past the auto shop, I see a light on in the bay. Who the fuck would be there at this time of night?
Standing on my very tiptoes, I look through the window and see Beau. He’s looking under the hood of an old Thunderbird.
I’m about to get some answers.
I walk over to the keypad and enter the code to get into the building. Once inside, I make my way to the bay.
The moment Beau sees me, he slams the hood shut and says, “I was just leaving.”
“Hold it right there, Stephenson! You’re not going anywhere. We are going to talk.”
He sighs. “Jo, there is nothing to talk about.”
“Bullshit! You’re going to give me some answers.”
I walk over to where he’s standing, but he doesn’t stay there for long. He walks away to go wash his hands in the small sink in the corner.
“I just don’t have it in me tonight, Jo. Go hang out with Jamie. We can do this later.”
“No, we are going to do this now. I don’t care if I have to follow you all over town. You know I will, and you know just how annoying I can be.”
After drying his hands on a clean towel, he says, “What do you want? What is so important that we have to do this right now?”
“Why do you hate me so much, Beau?” I blurt.
“I know I messed up when I left. I have regretted it every single day. When I came back, you were the one thing that I was looking forward to more than anything else, and you were so mad. I get it. You should have been mad. But every time I think we are getting close to being friends again, you start to pull away. I just miss my best friend.” My voice cracks as a tear rolls down my cheek.
“Jo, I can’t be your friend.”
“Why not? Is it because you are that hurt by what I did? Please tell me how to fix it! I’ll do anything!” It isn’t like me to beg, but fuck, I am tired of the back and forth.
“There’s nothing you can do to fix it!”
“So, that’s it? You just hate me forever?”
He rubs his hand over his face as if searching for the right words.
“Jo, I don’t hate you.”
“But we can’t be friends?”
“No,” he says. “I can’t be your friend.”
“Why not?” I cry.
“Because I’m in love with you!”
That stops me dead in my tracks.
“Don’t you get it, Jo? I have been in love with you ever since you kissed me in the fifth grade.
I have had to watch you go from guy to guy and always wishing that it was me.
But I was just a nerdy kid who was too scared to tell my best friend how I felt about her.
Then, you left. And that hurt so fucking bad, but I didn’t have to think about you for ten years.
You come back, and I think that I’m just going to stay away from you, but you’re literally everywhere!
And all of those feelings come creeping back in every time I’m near you.
When I saw you with Jamie, it just reminded me of how being your friend means I’m always going to have to watch you with some other guy, and I don’t think I can do that. It’s too damn hard.”
He starts to walk toward the door. I’m trying to digest everything that he just told me, but it’s all swirling through my mind so fast, I can’t think clearly.
While people have always told me that they thought Beau liked me, I never put stock into it.
I was always just the mess who never knew which way was up.
To think that Beau actually saw something in that mess of a girl makes me realize I don’t want to lose him.
There’s one thing I know for sure–I am not going to let him walk away from this.
“Hey!” I shout, getting him to turn around. “You’re in love with me?”
“Yeah,” he says, looking utterly defeated.
“So, why don’t you do something about it?”
“What?” He starts slowly moving toward me.
“I said why don’t you come over here and do something about it? Beau, I kissed you outside of school the day that we met. I’ve been waiting fifteen fucking years for you to kiss me back.”
He takes a few long strides, making his way toward me. My heart is thumping in my chest as I wonder what he’s going to do.
Before I’m able to think about it any longer, he holds the back of my head, bringing me toward him, so his lips can crash against mine.
Oh my God.