Chapter 39 Helpless
Chapter thirty-nine
Helpless
Beau
“Jo?” I call as I walk through the front door. “Jo, are you here?”
I tried texting her earlier but haven’t heard a word. I was so worried about her that I ended up leaving work a couple hours early. Jo going radio silent is never a good thing.
As I walk further inside, it occurs to me that someone else is missing from this equation. Mia. Did Jo and Mia run off together?
Wouldn’t that be just my luck?
A few steps in, I see her shoes, jeans, and hoodie in a heap on the floor. Okay, well, that tells me she should be here. Anxiety washes over me as I wonder if something happened to her.
With a bit more pep in my step, I start to search the house. She’s not in the living room, kitchen, or den. I walk to the bedroom. I see it’s pretty dark, but a movement from Mia catches my eye. Walking further inside, I see Jo curled up under the blankets, fast asleep.
Mia is laying with her head resting on Jo’s back.
“Are you taking care of her?” I whisper to the dog who doesn’t move in the slightest.
I go to the other side of the bed and kick off my shoes before climbing in.
“Jo?” I whisper. When she doesn’t move, I try again but a little louder this time.
That gets her to jump up. It takes her a second to register that it’s me. “Beau? What time is it?”
“It’s about four.”
“Fuck, I slept all day,” she groans.
“Are you okay? Are you sick?”
“Not in the physical sense.”
She rolls over to face me but closes her eyes once more.
“What’s wrong?” I press, trying to get some answers. “I’ve been worried about you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, but I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
It takes a minute for a response, and when it comes, it’s just, “I don’t know.”
“Can I get you anything?” I ask.
“No. I think I just want to sleep.”
I’m tempted to stay here and do whatever I can to make her feel better, but I don’t think hovering over her is going to do any good. So, I leave her in the capable hands–or paws–of Mia, and I leave her be.
To keep myself occupied, I get dinner going. I opt for chili since it’s something comforting and relatively easy. As I add all the ingredients to the pot, I think about Jo.
I know depression when I see it. After my brother and dad died, that was me. I wanted to do nothing but stay in bed. No matter how much I slept, it never felt like enough. I didn’t want to face the world or any of my problems in it. I just wanted to be left alone to process things my own way.
I figure I can do the same for Jo. I’m not sure exactly what has got her down, but I’ll be here when–or if–she wants to tell me. Knowing Jo, she might never want to actually divulge what’s wrong. I just need to be okay with that.
When I went through my depression, my friends all tried to be there for me, but at the end of the day, I didn’t want to talk about it with any of them. I’m now realizing how hard it was for them to stand by and do nothing because that’s exactly how I feel right now.
After I get dinner going, I think about sitting down to play my game, but my mind is too frazzled at the moment to even mess with it.
I try some TV, but I don’t want to deal with the noise.
Finally, I end up pulling out the book I’ve been reading.
Although it takes reading the same page about five times to grab my interest, soon enough, I’m hooked enough to get lost in for a while.
A couple hours pass when I hear the bedroom door creek. Mia comes out, and I assume she is just coming to finally eat her dinner, but moments later, Jo appears.
“Hey, beautiful,” I greet.
She walks over to where I am on the couch. I put down the book so that she can climb in my lap.
“Hi,” she murmurs.
“Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah, I was out.”
I hold her for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything but just taking in the moment. I don’t want to push her, so I decide silence is the best option.
When it’s broken, she’s the first to speak. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“For getting in my own head, passing out all day, and then ignoring you even after you got home from work. I just had a shitty day.”
“Jo, you don’t have to be sorry. I’m not going to get mad at you for having a sad day.”
“You’d be the first guy I dated who didn’t feel that way.”
“Hey, look at me,” I say. When she does, I go on. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, and you don’t have to tell me. I know what it feels like to want to shut out the world. Just know that I’m here for you–whatever you need.”
She thinks for a moment. “Beau, usually, I’m really good at pretending I’m good.
Even if my world is falling apart, I am able to laugh and act like everything is great.
But there comes a point where I can’t pretend anymore.
When that happens, I sleep basically an entire day, and it’s like something inside me is reset.
I’m back to crazy, fun-loving Jo. Then, the cycle starts all over again.
” Her eyes meet mine again. “Do you think I’m nuts? ”
“Yes,” I joke with a smile. “But you’re my kind of crazy. I’ll make you a deal.”
“What kind of deal?”
“Any time you feel like you need to reset, you just let me know. I’ll make sure the rest of the world stays away from you for a while.”
“You’re too good to me,” she says. “I’ve ignored you all day, and you’re still willing to do something so nice for me. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I kiss the top of her forehead as I hold her closer. “Are you hungry?”
“You’re going to laugh at me, but would you be mad if I went back to bed?”
“Anything you want, beautiful. Anything you want.”