Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
KASS
I wake up to Blake in my bed for the second morning in a row. I look over at her sleeping peacefully. A loch of purple hair flutters away from her face every time she lets out a breath. I want to sweep it out of the way, but I don’t want to disturb her.
She must feel me staring at her because she starts to wake up. She rolls from her side to her stomach with a groan and smushes her face into the pillow.
"Good morning." I turn onto my side and brush the hair out of her face so I can see her profile.
"There's no such thing as a good morning," she mumbles into the pillow. "There's just the time between when you wake up and when the day becomes tolerable."
"There's my happy ray of sunshine." I lean over and kiss her on the cheek. "Coffee?"
"Yes, please."
"Do you want coffee first, or...?" I slip my hand under the sheets and grip her ass in my palm.
She turns her head slightly, peaking one eye open at me. The smirk on her face is answer enough.
I roll her onto her side so she's facing me and scoot closer until our fronts are pressed against each other. I press my lips to hers, something I can do freely now. It's not something I'll ever take for granted. I only kick myself for not making her kiss me sooner.
Our moment is abruptly interrupted by the doorbell ringing. She startles in my arms, and I have to admit, it scared me a little bit too.
“You should get that.”
“It’s probably just a delivery or something.”
The doorbell goes off again, this time they ring it three times.
“Or not…” I sigh and reluctantly get out of bed.
I run to my closet and throw on a clean pair of sweats and a sweatshirt. The doorbell rings again. I have a sinking feeling I know who it is, and I’m not thrilled. When I open the front door, my suspicion is confirmed.
“Finally! What took you so long?”
“Jade. Always a pleasure.” I don’t bother hiding my sarcasm. She’d know it was a lie either way.
“Is Clover here?”
“No, she’s with her grandparents.”
“Daisy’s parents or your parents.”
“Does it matter?” The bitch knows I don't have a relationship with my own parents.
“Well, I'd like to know where I can find my goddaughter.”
Goddaughter. That fucking title means absolutely nothing, but for some reason, she feels like it gives her some sort of leverage.
“You know, if you want to see Clover, you have to run it by me. I don’t want you going over to their house looking for her.”
"Kass, you're being so dramatic. Do you forget that I know them too?"
"They don't want to see you."
She drops her arrogant facade in the blink of an eye. "What did you tell them?"
"I haven't told them anything, but that doesn't mean I won't."
"Are you threat—" She cuts herself off, and I notice she's looking over my shoulder.
I think I know what she sees, but I turn around to confirm it.
"Who's that?"
Blake is sneaking into the kitchen, but she stops when she hears Jade's question, like a kid getting caught eating cookies before dinner. She slowly turns toward the front door and gives a little, innocent wave. I wonder who she thinks Jade is to me. Did she overhear our conversation?
"Jade, this is Blake, Blake, this is Jade."
"Your new girlfriend?"
I don't know how to answer that, but it's honestly none of her fucking business.
"Is there anything else you need, Jade?"
"All I want is to see Clover. I miss her."
"I'll reach out if she asks about you."
I start to shut the door, but she slams her hand on it.
"I helped raise her, Kass. She was a huge part of my life for six fucking years. She still is, you just don't let me see her."
My fist is balled up at my sides, and I take a breath to try and calm myself. I don't need Blake to see me lose my shit at Jade.
"I told you; I'll reach out if she asks about you, and if I feel like you're ready."
"And how the hell are you going to determine if, by your standards, I'm ready? You don't talk to me. You know nothing about my life."
"Minneapolis is a small city, Jade. We still have mutual friends who keep me updated."
"Who?"
"I have a guest who's waiting for me and better things to do on a Sunday morning than stand here talking to you. Have a nice day, Jade."
"Kass!"
I shut the door before I could hear what other bullshit she was about to spew. I stopped wasting my time with Jade a long time ago, and I'm not in the mood to start now.
"Who was that?" Blake is sitting on the kitchen counter, eating a bag of chips. "Your third girlfriend?"
"God no."
"She seemed pretty pissed."
"She's always grumpy."
"I know it's none of my business, but why don't you let her see Clover?"
"Do you want the short version or the long version?"
"I've got time." She shrugs and pops a chip in her mouth.
I hop up on the counter next to her and stick my hand in the bag of chips. Blake has the audacity to try to pull it away from me. After having her laugh, she holds the bag out for me, and I take a handful. In between bites, I tell my version of the story.
"Jade was Daisy's best friend. After high school, when Daisy had Clover, she and Jade moved in together. Jade did help Daisy raise Clover, but only because she was too stubborn to ask for her parents' help as much as they offered."
"And you don't like her."
"We've never been each other’s biggest fans. I'm pretty sure she's a big part of why Daisy never wanted to commit to me. Jade was always in her ear, saying everything she didn't like about me, picking apart every mistake I made."
"Are you afraid she'll do the same thing with Clover?"
I huff. "No. My little girl isn't so easily swayed. And neither was Daisy, but for some reason, Jade was her one weak spot. I don't trust Jade with anyone, let alone my daughter, who is the most important person to me."
"What about her makes you not trust her? Other than the fact that your personalities seem to clash."
I knew when this conversation started that it would lead here. I want to tell her everything, but I haven't told a soul. Only Jade and I know the truth about what happened that night. And Daisy, I guess, but she isn't here to tell anyone what a shitty best friend she chose.
"Jade is the reason Daisy isn't alive."
Blake gasps. Not in a dramatic way, but a true guttural reaction to the shocking confession.
"I guess you could argue she's partially responsible, but we'll never know the full truth. All I know is that Jade was driving the car that night when they crashed."
"I thought you said it was a drunk driver that hit her?"
"Because it was. A drunk driver was heading in the opposite direction from the girls.
Jade was turning left on a road that didn't have a light or a stop sign.
He hit the back of their car going 70 miles an hour.
The car spun, and Daisy was ejected from the car, likely due to a faulty seatbelt in that old piece of junk they shared. "
"And you think Jade should have seen him coming?"
"I know that intersection. I drove past it every time I brought Clover to their apartment. There wasn't anything that would have obstructed her view. She should have seen his headlights."
"Maybe she thought she could make it? You know, didn't realize how fast he was going."
"No, Blake, she didn't see him coming because she was absolutely shit faced. Jade's had a drug and drinking problem for as long as I've known her. I just never thought she'd be stupid enough to put people's lives at risk like that."
She stares at me, and I can see the wheels turning in her head. "Did she get arrested?"
"No."
"I'm sorry, I don't get it. If she was under the influence, they would have—"
"The cops thought Daisy was driving." Another moment of silence passes as I let Blake process the information.
"When the car stopped spinning, Jade must have crawled out of it before the cops got there. All the windows were smashed, so it was hard for anyone to tell the difference. Plus, it was Daisy’s car they were driving.
They figured out at the hospital that Jade was messed up, but she told them she was the passenger, so it didn't matter. "
"Please don't hate me for asking this. I'm just trying to fully understand. And I have a tendency to believe women over men. No offense. How do you know Jade wasn't the passenger like she said she was?"
"It's a fair question. I know because a few minutes before they crashed, Daisy sent me a selfie of her and Jade in the car, letting me know she was on her way home.
I had Clover that night and was supposed to drop her off with Daisy the next morning.
We always kept each other updated if one of us was out late and wasn't going to make it home.
You know, so we could sleep in and drop Clover off later, giving each other time to get home and cure our hangovers before we got Clover.
Ironically, she was letting me know that she was going to be making it home safely.
They were only a couple of blocks from her apartment. "
"And now you're the only one who knows the truth about Jade being the driver." She wasn't asking a question, which tells me that she believes me.
"Yeah."
"Why haven't you told anyone?"
"Daisy's gone either way. And like Jade said, even though I haven't let her see Clover much these past couple of years, she’s still a big part of her life, and I don't want Clover to have to grow up with trust issues because of it. It's easier for her to blame a man she doesn't know."
"I'm not a parent, so I'm not going to pretend like I understand that, but from what I've seen, you're a really great dad. I know you're doing what you think is best for Clover." She puts her hand on my knee, and I cover it with mine. "Does Clover want to see Jade?"
"I think at first it was hard for her to see Jade because every time she saw Jade before the accident, it was with Daisy around.
The association was just too strong, and it was difficult for her.
Now, she asks about her occasionally, but I'm just not ready to trust her.
I'll never let Clover get in a car with her; that's for damn sure.
Jade claims that she's gotten her shit together, but I just don't believe her.
So every time Clover asks, I come up with an excuse for why it won't work. "
"I get your reservations, I totally do. I'm not trying to invalidate them at all, but have you ever thought that maybe Clover wanting to spend time with Jade is her way of trying to heal?
That maybe Jade is her biggest connection to her mom, and she feels like seeing Jade will make her feel closer to her? "
Now it's my turn to sit here with my wheels turning. Of course, I've thought of that, but being called out like this is making me confront my own bias like I haven't had to before.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for holding grudges and not trusting people.
I'm the queen of that. But I also know that when I lost Harlen, I shut out everything that reminded me of him.
But eventually, when I was ready, I sought out things that would bring his memory back.
Maybe that's what Clover's trying to do with Jade. "
I run my hand down my face. Fuck. I hate that she might be right. "You've definitely given me a lot to think about."
"Again, I'm not a parent, and I know I don't fully get it. So please just take what I said for whatever you feel it's worth."
My hand goes to her jaw, and I pull her in for a kiss.
When our lips connect, I realize that I've never felt this close to anyone since Daisy.
Other than Raina, but that's different. Raina is my sister, my family.
My connection with Blake is unreal. I want to be around her all the time.
I want to know everything about her, and I want her to know everything about me.
I want to be her safe space, and I want her to be mine.
Learning about Harlen and talking to her about Daisy could have been awkward, but it wasn't. It was as if we both knew that our souls needed those final puzzle pieces to fully connect us, to show us that we now have someone who understands, more than anyone ever has, what that loss feels like. That kind of connection is invaluable.
She kisses me back, so tenderly. Like she knows how fragile I am in this moment, and she doesn't want to break me.
But at the same time, she wasn't afraid to ask the hard questions and force me to challenge the attitude I've been sitting in for two years.
Everyone else shies away from the topic of Daisy.
And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'm only able to take that kind of confrontation from someone like Blake.
Someone who is emotionally removed enough from the situation and isn't afraid to say what's on her mind, ever.
Yet someone who knows this kind of pain and can handle it with an appropriate level of sensitivity.
When the kiss ends, I keep my face close to her for a little longer. I breathe her in and cup the side of her face, resting my forehead on hers. "Stay."