Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
KASS
The drive from Blake’s apartment is blurry from the tears that won't stop pooling up in my eyes.
I'm more angry than sad, so I don't know why I'm crying.
I truly think I'm just exhausted. I need to get some sleep tonight, or I'm going to lose my damn mind and have a mental breakdown at work tomorrow.
When I pull up to Raina's house, I take a moment in the driveway to collect myself before going in.
Raina answers the door, eating a cookie. "How did it go?"
"Not good."
"Shit. I'm sorry. Come on in, the girls are just cleaning up their cookie mess."
"Are they any good?" I grab her hand that's holding her half-eaten cookie and take a bite. Nothing soothes the soul like a warm cookie.
"The first batch was awful because the girls accidentally used salt instead of sugar."
The girls overhear her say that and immediately start defending themselves.
"Mom put out the wrong jar!"
"Yeah. She set us up for failure."
Despite my sour mood, I can't help but smile, if only briefly.
We walk into the kitchen, and Raina throws her hands up. "Hey, hey. Let's not forget who ran to the store to get you guys ingredients for your very specific cookie recipe you guys were set on making."
Clover gives me a side hug, thankfully, because her apron is full of various powders and gooey liquids. "Hi, Dad."
"Hey, Lovie, how was school today?"
"It was good."
"Can I have a cookie?" She runs over to the counter and grabs one off the cooling rack. "Preferably, one from the good batch."
She pauses, then takes a small bite of the cookie. "Yep, this is a good one."
"Thank you." The cookies are actually really damn good. I'll definitely be stealing some to take home. After that disastrous conversation with Blake, I need all the coping mechanisms I can get.
The girls finish cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes while Raina and I chat.
I don't go into too much detail since I know the girls can hear me.
But I tell her enough for her to pick up on how I'm feeling about it all.
She does her best to reassure me, but we both know you can't force someone to want to be with you.
Especially someone as stubborn as Blake.
Raina packs a little container of cookies for us, and Clover and I head back home.
The car is filled with music that Clover chose.
As I drive, my mind starts to wander back to Blake and our conversation earlier tonight.
How did it all go so wrong? I had it all planned out.
I just had to show her how much I wanted this, then she would see how much she wanted it too.
I know she's scared, but this doesn't need to be scary.
We can take things slow and make our own rules.
I wanted to say that to her, but she never gave me the chance.
I had so much more I wanted to say, but we got derailed so fast by her defensiveness.
And I know my stubbornness didn't help matters. What’s wrong with me?
"Dad."
"Yeah?"
"Why are you so sad today?"
"What do you mean?" Shit. Was I crying? No.
"You just look really sad, and you're not singing along to the music."
"I'm sorry, Lovie. I've just had a long day."
"Well, why were you sad the other day?"
"I—" This girl notices everything. "I was just a little overwhelmed. Nothing you need to worry about, okay?"
"Okay." She stares down at her lap and twiddles her fingers. "I thought that maybe you were mad that Auntie Jade was at our house."
"No, no, not at all. Did you enjoy seeing her again? It looked like you did."
"Yeah. I missed her."
"Are you excited to go to the movies with her this weekend?"
"Yeah!" She's beaming, and her energy shifts instantly, lifting my spirits slightly.
"Good. Are you going to share your popcorn with me?"
She giggles. "Nope."
I told Jade she could take Clover to the movies, but that I was going with them. I'm still learning to trust her, so we're taking baby steps toward a future that hopefully all three of us will be satisfied with.
The three of us... I used to use that phrase to describe Clover, Daisy, and myself.
"The four of us" has always been Raina, Winnie, Clover, and me.
A couple of days ago, I pictured the new "the three of us" to be Clover, me, and Blake.
But that dream went up in purple smoke about an hour ago, and I don't know how or if I'll ever be able to get it back.