Chapter 15
Ihate how easy it is to lose myself in my wandering thoughts. I hate how good I am at losing hours and hours of my day when I need more than anything to stay in the present so I can figure out what in the world I’m going to do.
But more than anything, I hate how lost I am right now. Physically and mentally, I have no idea where I am or what I’m doing. Mostly it’s the physical part of being lost that’s making me jumpy right now, as the sun has already set and the air is chillier than I’d thought possible for April in Ohio.
Obviously I should’ve realized that with my luck, I’d be out here when temperatures plummet without the jacket Jed had offered me.
“Fuck,” I sigh, burying my face in my hands.
Since I don’t have my phone, I have no light, and my heart pounds in my chest every time I hear something in the woods around me.
I have no idea where in the world I am, or how badly I’ve gotten myself turned around.
I can’t see the cabin, or a path, or anything else through the trees.
And I’m too afraid to scream or call out for Jed. I worry there’s something else in the woods, like a bear just waiting to eat me, as dumb as that might sound.
“You have to get up, Saylor,” I mutter, my fingers clenching into my borrowed sweatpants.
At least I’m not out here in just shorts and a t-shirt, but his shirt is too thin to really provide even half the warmth the sweatpants do.
“You have to find your way back. Or somewhere, at least.” Somewhere that isn’t the middle of the woods, in the dark, where animals with long, sharp teeth roam around.
I force myself to get to my feet, my legs half-asleep from the cold and how long I’ve been sitting. I’ve really fucked up this time, but I do a quick spin on the off chance that since now it’s fully dark, I’ll be able to see something other than…well, nothing.
Nothing except the dark, and the few trees closest to me.
My heart hammers in my chest, but I take a few deep breaths to try to make things better. Or at least to make my brain stop running through all the worst-case scenarios that could happen while I’m out here.
“You won’t freeze to death,” I murmur, setting off in a random direction that feels somewhat okay.
It’s better than sitting at least. While I walk, I rub my arms, trying to warm up.
“You will not freeze to death. You may be miserable. You may catch the fucking consumption out here from the cold. But you will not freeze to death, Saylor.” The sound of my voice does a good bit to calm me down, and my strides lengthen as I keep going.
“You also won’t get eaten,” I add, when I hear a far off howl.
“Animals are more afraid of you than you are of them. As impossible as that seems right now.” Truly, I’m not sure how anything could be more frightening than I am at this moment, but I’m willing to hear an explanation or see evidence of that.
“Even if there are a few bears out here, what are the chances of you running into them? Coyotes don’t eat people, right? ” I’m pretty sure they don’t.
“And this is a nature preserve,” I add, jumping when a stick I trip over comes back to whack me in the leg for vengeance.
“There’s no one out here that’s doing anything…
nefarious. Except maybe Jed and his friends.
” Because, well, that’s obvious. But other than him?
Who could be out here at night, when I haven’t passed any other houses or businesses this far out in the woods?
Hell, I haven’t even seen a road.
“You’ll find something to point you back, eventually.
” That feels…not as true as the other things I promise myself.
I can convince myself that there aren’t rabid wolves, that I won’t freeze, and that there aren’t serial killers waiting in the woods to kill me.
But convincing myself I’m not hopelessly lost, doomed to starve in the woods before anyone finds me?
That one is harder. The thought causes my heart to slam against my ribs, and I can feel tears burning at my eyes as the idea of it comes around again and again with mounting viciousness.
“You’ll be—” Crashing through the underbrush cuts me off, and when I hear the sharp bays of something I can’t identify, I’m sure that either the Ghost of Easter Past is on my tail, or I’m about to get eaten by an animal I’d written off as harmless.
But the bays become barks as I freeze, and I whirl around to see the light of two bright LED flashlights.
The dogs run to me, circling, sniffing my legs and barking up at me with teeth bared in their ugly, hound faces.
One of them snarls at me, prompting me to pull my arms up and across my chest while I stand there, unable to do more than pray that I won’t get eaten.
The dogs certainly don’t seem very friendly.
But maybe they’re a rescue party. I can hear voices behind the lights, though I’m blinded by their brightness, and I stare into them, doe-eyed, like I’m an animal being spotlighted by hunters.
“H-hello?” I ask, when the lights are close enough for me to reach out and touch.
One of the dogs snaps at me, causing me to gasp, and I stumble to the side, nearly falling, as both of them follow me eagerly, waiting for a chance to do more than bark.
“The fuck?” The voice isn’t familiar, and a hand reaches out to clamp on my arm, jerking me upright. “Who the hell are you?”
“I’m—” I squint, trying to see past the bright lights that have spots dancing in my vision. “I’m lost, I’m…trying to find my way back. Who are you?” Something in me prickles, and my stomach doesn’t unclench with relief. If anything, these two people and their dogs make everything in me feel worse.
Like I really am in trouble now.
“Can you make them stop? Please?” I ask, tripping away from the more aggressive dog. The man’s grip tightens on my arm, making me yelp, and my heart goes into overdrive at that.
“You’re lost?” The man sounds amused, if a little unbelieving.
“You expect us to believe you just wandered out here? The only ones out here in the preserve are the rangers.” He sounds gruff, with an accent that places him far to the south of Ohio.
Distantly I hear the other one spit, and with a low whistle, the dogs back away from me, though one snaps at my leg in warning.
“I’m lost. I stay with a friend around here,” I protest, once again trying to wrench my arm away. “Who are you?” Their lights are still in my face, and I hear something heavy being readjusted as I blink away the light-spots once more.
“You drunk?” the other asks finally. “Who the hell wanders out here at night without a jacket, huh?” I hear him walking closer to me, and the light bobs until it’s inches from my face.
I turn away from it, squeezing my eyes shut, only for a gloved hand to yank my face back toward it, fingers digging into my lower jaw. “You sure as shit look drunk to me.”
“Drunk…?” I repeat, still unable to open my eyes.
I’m colder than I should be. I’m cold all over, and not being able to see them makes this even worse.
“No, I’m not drunk. I don’t drink, I just. I got lost,” I say again, trying to jerk out of his hold as well.
Their hands on me make me feel gross. Like there are spiders climbing up my arm and across my face. “Let…let go of me.”
Suddenly I wonder if there are worse things to worry about in these woods than wild animals.
Unhelpfully, Jed’s voice echoes in my ears, and the remembered words make me stiffen.
Just to make sure there aren’t any poachers.
Yeah, that’s what he’d said. And he’d been so casual about it, like they’re just simply a fact of life around here.
“Do you… Umm…” I don’t know what to say, and I try to find their faces behind the lights once more. “Do you live around here…too?”
One of the men snorts, and his fingers clench my jaws harder, grating into the bone. “Nah, we don’t live around here. Bet you don’t either.” He sidles closer, causing my breath to catch in my throat. “You’re a ranger, aren’t you? Stupid girl.”
“I’m not a ranger,” I hiss back, finally managing to jerk out of his hold.
“I told you, didn’t I?” If I don’t show them how afraid I am, hopefully they won’t take advantage of it.
That’s what I tell myself anyway, as I stand straighter in the light of their flashlights.
“I don’t know how to say, again, that I’m lost. That’s all.
I just need you to point me toward literally anything, and I’ll find my way from there.
Is that so hard to understand?” I don’t want to go too far with my false bravado, so I close my mouth and wait.
“Come back with us.” The one still holding my arm is the one to speak first, I think. Though it’s hard to tell in the dark. “We’ll drive you to wherever you want to go. Our truck isn’t that far.”
His tone, and his words, immediately have me on edge.
Instantly, I know that going with them would be an awful idea, and I shake my head without hesitation.
“I’m not going with you,” I promise quietly.
“I don’t fucking know you. Like I said, I’m just—” The fingers on my arm tighten, and I’m jerked forward into a body that smells like unwashed clothes and tobacco.
“You’re awfully bitchy for someone that needs help,” the man snarls, his breath hot and fetid against my face.
“Awfully demanding. Want us to just leave you here, little lost thing?” He spits the word at me, causing me to recoil as much as I can.
I can feel the other man behind me, his breath coming in sharp pants.
I need to get out of here.
“Fuck off,” I snarl, unable to pretend for even a moment that I’m not disgusted. “Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me!” Fear makes my voice raise higher and louder than I intend, and when the man tries to jerk me closer, I shove him.
And for some reason, he goes. His grip leaves my arm, tightening enough to bruise before ripping backward. The dogs start freaking out, and the flashlight drops to the ground at my feet.
“What—” The man behind me shoves me hard, causing me to stumble toward the snapping, growling dogs as he strides forward. “Earl?”
I hear something I don’t recognize, seconds before Earl cries out. The lone remaining flashlight falls to the ground, and from the sounds, I wonder if Earl has fallen into his companion. I dart out, grabbing the light in shaking fingers, and turn it off so I’m not drawing attention to myself.
Whatever the case, their dogs are going crazy, and no one’s attention is on me anymore.
“Touch her again and I’ll break your other hand as well.
” I don’t recognize the voice at first. I don’t recognize the cruel, dark undertones or the pure vitriol that accompanies it into the frigid air.
“Take one step towards her and I’ll break your fucking legs.
The rangers are on their way.” I hear what sounds like the sound of a safety being clicked off, and I freeze.
Someone has a gun.
“Don’t touch your fucking rifles.” Another light flicks on, this one less bright and sharp than the ones the two men had. It reminds me of my own, and I flick it back on, turning the bright light towards the dirty, greasy looking men with rifles on their shoulders.
They look…pathetic. Dirty, cruel, and filthy come to mind as they blink in the sudden light. One of them cradles a hand that looks mangled, and as I watch, he hugs it to his chest, shifting away from the other person in the woods.
“Get shot and get arrested, or get the fuck out. It makes no difference to me.” I’m sure I’ve never heard anyone sound so terrifying in my life. Their anger freezes the air around us, and I fight not to turn the flashlight on my rescuer just to see who it is. I don’t want to blind him.
And I’m starting to think I know exactly who else is in the clearing with me.
The quieter man, not-Earl, spits on the ground before baring his teeth at Jed. “We’re goin’,” he snarls at last, a low whistle on his tongue at the end of his words. Hecalls the dogs to him, though they snarl and snap at Jed as they pass. “Fuckin’ shitbird.”
Jed doesn’t hesitate. The gun goes off, and in the dim light, I see the dirt explode near the man’s foot, spraying him with dirt and debris. One of the dogs yelps, terrified, and shoots off in the direction I think the two men came from.
Earl curses, still holding his broken hand close.
“One more word,” Jed invites coolly. “And you can crawl back to your truck. If I see you again, I’ll take it as an invitation. Do you understand?”
Earl is quick to mutter his agreement. His companion holds out for a few seconds, fingers itching for the rifle he won’t have time to reach. Finally he nods as well, and the two of them scramble from the clearing, back toward wherever they’d came from.
“I mean it,” Jed drawls, his voice just loud enough so they can hear him. “Come back here, and you won’t get to walk away so easily.” He doesn’t move, and I can’t move either. Not until the men’s footsteps and their figures in our lights are long, long gone, as are the sounds of the dogs.
“Oh, my God,” I mutter, edging closer to him as my legs shake.
“Oh, my God, I thought I was dead. I thought I was going to get murdered.” There’s a tremor in my tone, and I stumble the last couple of steps to reach Jed, who still hasn’t said anything.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to be out here so long,” I ramble, more and more afraid that he’s upset with me the longer he doesn’t say anything.
But even that doesn’t get a response. I can somewhat see him in the near-dark, and from the edge of my flashlight I see him slip the gun into his waistband at the back of his jeans, carefully and slowly.
“Are you…mad?” I ask, heart still pounding in my ears. I feel jumpy and jittery. The adrenaline in my veins needs an outlet, but I can’t help myself as I stand there, needing to know if he’s upset with me. “Jed, I’m—”
He whirls on me, faster than what should be possible, and knocks the flashlight from my hand as he grabs me to jerk me toward him, my feet scrabbling in the debris.
I feel like I’m going to fall, until one of his hands grabs my hip, balling in the material of the borrowed shirt as he drags me the rest of the way against his chest, his other arm tangling in my hair.
“Fuck, Saylor,” he snarls against my lips.
“I thought you were fucking dead.” He doesn’t give me the chance to reply, though.
His lips slam against mine, cutting off my words, and for the first time, I feel myself drown in it, my head reeling.
Instead of running or pulling away or looking for an excuse, I kiss him back with the same amount of ferocity that he gives me, fueled on by the growl that travels from his body into mine.
“I need you,” he hisses, his words sharp and direct as his hands tighten on my hair and hip. “I fucking need you right now, Saylor, or I’m going to go kill them for touching you. Do you understand me?”