Chapter 8 #2
“So that he wouldn’t dissolve into shadows and escape the punishment,” Timur explained. “One needs six functioning tendrils to use shadow magic. Iron clips on his tendrils would’ve disabled them in a less barbaric fashion. But that’s Ashgate. They do things differently around here.”
Another thud came, followed by screams of agony. By the sound of it, a fight broke out next. Looters must be fighting over whatever possessions the evicted had on them.
“What will happen to them now?” I asked.
“They’ll stay on the beach while their bones are healing.
Then they’ll likely go to Mazra to get a shack from her for less than a cave.
She would also make them pay for every minute spent on her beach, starting from the moment their bodies hit the sand.
” He sounded calm, detached, like he’d seen it all and worse and simply stopped caring.
The sounds of bodies hitting the ground, the fighting, and the screams of the evicted were moving away as the evictors worked their way along the Wall. I could still hear them. And even when they had stopped completely, I knew I’d continue hearing their echoes in my mind for the rest of my life.
“It doesn’t affect us,” Timur said, trying to comfort me.
But his words brought no comfort. We lived in a place where cruelty reigned. And there was only one way to escape it.
“We need to get out of here,” I whispered into his neck.
Pressed to his chest, I breathed his familiar scent, rich with heat and sweetness. It had become the scent of safety and comfort for me. Yet Timur wasn’t safe in Ashgate either. No one was safe.
“I still have a few payments left to make to Ray,” he said. “Then, we’ll start saving. In a few months, we’ll have enough money for you to live safely and comfortably for the rest of your life.”
I lifted my head, finding his eyes in the shadows of his hood.
“That’s too long. Let’s leave as soon as you pay him off.”
Leaving Ashgate with our debt to the criminal still hanging over our heads would be unwise.
Ray might have enough resources to hunt us down even as far as Teneris.
I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and dreading his collectors showing up at my door.
But I also didn’t want to stay here even a minute longer than was absolutely necessary.
Holding me with his left arm, Timur ran the talons of his right hand down my bare arm. In the heat of the day, I had taken my sweater off. The soft touch of the hard pointed tips sent a shiver through my body, and it wasn’t from fear this time.
“How will we live?” he asked.
“Well…we’ll keep doing what we’re doing here. There are fae in need of joy all over the Alveari Kingdom, aren’t there? We’ll trade my joy for their gold.”
“Your joy belongs to the crown,” he said softly.
“I’ve been trading it illegally, my sweet.
What we’re doing can only be done here, in Ashgate, and only because the queen’s guards can’t find us here.
Once we go to any other lawful city of Alveari, I’ll be arrested and executed.
And you…” he drew in a long breath. “You, my darling, will go back to the royal sarai. They won’t make you do anything you don’t enjoy, and they will keep you fed and safe.
You won’t live free, but you will live. Is that what you want? ”
His question sounded earnest, like if I replied “yes” he would take me to a sarai right now. But I had already tasted the freedom, as limited as it might be in Ashgate. I now had a say in what happened to me. I was selling my joy, but it was because I wished to sell it.
In Alveari, my positive emotions were a commodity. Everyone in this world would try to dip their tendrils into my pleasure. But with Timur, I had a choice of how to sell it and to whom. I had a goal and a way to reach it. I had some control, despite having been sold and purchased.
Besides, any outcome with Timur being arrested and executed was unacceptable. We were partners in our common venture of survival. We were in it together, to whatever end.
The light glide of his claws over my skin grew more tantalizing than soothing. The gesture made my skin tingle. The sensation spread through my body, relaxing my muscles and sparking something deep inside me that was more than relief, more than the feeling of being safe with him.
I sighed softly, melting against his large, hard body.
“Do you want to try the joy I’m feeling right now?” I offered quietly.
Living in Alveari had taught me to view even the smallest of pleasures as a treasure too valuable to waste. Timur knew the value of it too. Yet he had never even tried to connect to me.
“Do you want to know how you’re making me feel, Timur?” I asked against his skin, with my face still buried in the side of his neck.
Slipping a hand under his cloak, I traced my fingers down his upper arm in search of the spots where shadow fae had their tendrils.
A wide stripe of large, hard scales replaced his skin on his right arm from his shoulder to his elbow.
Was it possible for him to release his tendrils through the scales and bone?
His claws paused on my skin.
I lifted my head, looking into his mismatched eyes. “Do you want to feel it?”
“No,” he said simply.
I waited for more, but he didn’t explain his answer. I shifted uneasily, trying to understand the unpleasant feeling that descended over me, dowsing the spark of pleasure. Embarrassment? Dejection?
I felt rejected. Ashamed. Like I’d propositioned him, and he’d turned me down. The situation wasn’t exactly the same, but it was similar. Offering him to share my emotions was an intimate act, maybe even more intimate than sex in some ways.
And he refused.
I made a move to get off his lap, but he tightened his hold on me, not letting me get away.
“Elaine,” he said in a low, quiet voice.
“It’s fine…” I tried to protest.
“Thank you.” His words came as a surprise, forcing me to meet his gaze again.
“For what?” I muttered, confused.
“For your offer. Your joy is precious. To me, it’s priceless.
And I…” He rolled back his shoulders, his hands roaming up and down my back again.
His touch was no longer gentle. It was firm, possessive.
“Believe me, I’d give my life, whatever is left of it, for just a taste.
” His low voice turned into a growl as he dragged his mouth over the side of my neck.
His lips parted. The scrape of his fangs over my skin sent a shiver down my spine. It was a shiver of both apprehension and thrill. I stiffened, unsure which one of these two feelings I should give into.
“But it’s no longer about my life.” With a heavy, body-shuddering breath, he rested his forehead on my shoulder. “I can’t afford your pleasure, my sweet.”
“I won’t charge.” I smiled, raising my hands to his head.
The hood was in the way, and I was so tired of it. This old, worn cloak was almost all I ever saw of Timur, and right now, I just wanted to see the real him.
I tugged on the hood. He tensed but didn’t stop me from pulling it off. The silky mass of his long hair spilled over his wide shoulders like black ink streaked with white. The bone mask over his face, one that could never be removed, pressed into my shoulder. He wouldn’t look at me.
I ran my hands through his hair, caressing his skull the way he caressed my skin.
“You make me feel safe, protected, appreciated,” I murmured. “These are your emotions, Timur, as much as they’re mine. Without you, I’d be…”
Where would I be if he didn’t buy me at that auction? I’d be at the mercy either of the man who tossed people from the Wall or of the woman who charged the injured for the time it took them to recover on her beach.
“I never thought I’d say it, but I’m glad you bought me. You and not someone else.”
Finally, he lifted his head.
I brushed his hair away from his eyes, both the serene blue and the glowing red one.
A tendril of apprehension lingered in my chest. I didn’t get to see him without the hood very often.
But maybe I should? Maybe he should stop hiding.
For better or for worse, this shack was his home, the only home he had now.
It should be his safe place to be himself.
I unclipped his cloak. “It’s hot in here. You don’t have to wear it inside.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, doubtful. “From this close, you’ll see it all, all my deformities.”
“I’ll see you,” I said, lifting his cloak from the spikes on his right shoulder. “And the more I’ll look at you, the more I’ll get used to it.”
I didn’t want to lie to him by saying his appearance didn’t bother me. It was unnerving to see the exposed bone merged with the breathing, living flesh. But both parts were him, and I was no longer afraid of or repulsed by him.
“I need to see you, Timur. I need to connect in my mind what I see with everything I feel for you. Your face, your appearance, your behavior, and your actions all belong to one person. I need to learn to like your face the way I already like the rest of you.”
I shifted in his lap into a more comfortable position, inadvertently rubbing my ass against his hard thighs. A strangled groan left his lip, making me worry.
“Did I hurt your legs?” I scrambled from his lap as quickly and carefully as I could.
“No. Not the legs…” He drew in a breath, looking like he was trying to get it under control. “It’s…It doesn’t matter. Anyway, I got something for you.”
I tilted my head. “For me? What is it?”
“A present.” A corner of his mouth lifted in a half-grin as if he was already anticipating my joy from it.
“You bought me a present? But Timur.” I shook my head. “We can’t keep spending money when we have a debt to pay.”
He’d already bought me a piece of soap, which I admitted was necessary, and a bucket to wash my clothes in. He also had to buy me food and water between my paid dinners, and water wasn’t cheap in Ashgate because Ray was a greedy asshole who charged a lot.
“You need to be comfortable,” he argued, pulling out a colorful, fluffy bundle from his worn satchel.
It looked soft and fluffy.
“What is this?” I reached for it.
The fuzzy fibers of the knit tickled my fingers when I unwrapped the fluffy blanket. Green, red, and orange, it was possibly the brightest thing I’d ever seen in Alveari, and it was the warmest thing ever.
“It must’ve cost a fortune,” I muttered, immediately wrapping the blanket around my shoulders despite the daytime heat.
The soft knit felt like a warm hug around my body, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to give it up now, even if it’d been imprudent for Timur to splurge on it.
“I will get you a real bed one day,” Timur promised somberly. “But if you have to sleep on a grass rug, at least you should be a little warmer and more comfortable.”
“You know what? I wish we could sell the joy I’m feeling right now. It’d fetch a really good price.” I smiled, rubbing my cheek against the softness of the blanket.
“Keep it, Elaine. Not all joy has to be sold. This one is all yours to feel and keep.”