Chapter 13 #3
Was that his plan? To kill me over a few gold coins? Or did Zayr have his eyes set on the much more precious treasure I had? Did he want to murder me to get his hands on my Elaine?
“Come, General,” Zayr called from up the path. “We won’t climb too high, only while it's wide enough for your chair.”
There was no menace or tension in his voice, just weariness. I wasn’t afraid of Zayr or of anything he could possibly do to me. But if he killed me, Elaine’s life would likely take a turn for the worst, which I could not allow.
I headed up the path carefully, taking note of the high wall on my left and the steep drop on my right. Veins of golden glow in the rock illuminated the path in front of me. It was roughly hewn but passable for my chair.
As I ascended, the path eventually sloped less, then evened out completely and widened into a small platform.
“Here is good,” Zayr said.
Lifting his skirt a little with one hand to get the long hem out of the way, he sat down onto the path in front of a wide opening in the wall, then placed his tumbler on the rock between his knees.
I aligned my chair with him and stopped in front of the opening too. It was a breach in the wall, uneven and rough, as if the rock had crumbled and fallen out over time. It didn’t look like an intentionally carved observation window. Nevertheless, it opened to the most spectacular view.
The golden light of the rock cast a shimmering glow onto the dark surface of the river, making the water look as if infused with magic. The wide stream rushed between the black rocks of the cavern. Sharp peaks and tall spikes broke the surface into golden ruffles of foam.
I gaped at it, mesmerized. I’d never seen this much fresh water in my life.
I remembered the awe that seeing the ocean for the first time had inspired in me back when I’d first come to these parts of the Alveari Kingdom with the queen’s army many years ago.
The limitless size of the ocean had reminded me of the desert.
Its waves seemed like distant cousins of sand dunes, only much faster and far more chaotic in nature.
Drinking water, however, was scarce everywhere. It came in droplets of rain, trickles of creeks filling dug-out wells, or rivulets of moisture collected from the walls of underground caves.
But there it was, relentless like a storm, faster than the ocean, and just as abundant.
“Amazing, isn’t it?” Zayr took a drink from his tumbler.
It really was.
“This is all Ray’s?” I asked, bringing my drink to my lips too.
I wasn’t thirsty, but seeing all this water now made me want to drink some of it too.
“It is,” Zayr confirmed. “All of it.”
“From what he charges for each glass, his fortune is really infinite,” I muttered under my breath.
I cast a wary glance in Zayr’s direction. Was he trying to impress me by flaunting Ray’s wealth?
But Zayr just sat on the path, his feet dangling over the edge through the breach in the wall, his right shoulder leaning against the shimmering rock. With a deep breath, he brought the tumbler of water to his lips again, taking another drink, his eyelids blinking heavily.
The man was just really tired, I realized, and he seemed to find comfort in the grand view below us.
“Do you come here often?” I asked.
“Whenever I have a chance. Usually after work. Some find the view of the rushing water disturbing. But it kind of…soothes me.”
He winced, scratching the back of his bald head, then shifted awkwardly, as if realizing he’d probably shared a bit more than he should’ve.
With an uncomfortable grunt, he cleared his throat. “Anyway. What did you want to talk to me about?”
“What is Ray up to nowadays?” I asked, making him wince again.
“Listen, if it’s about the cave again, I’ve already told you, it’s not going to happen any time soon. He’s busy.”
“What is he so busy with that he can’t spare a minute to rent one of the many caves he has sitting empty right now? You keep evicting his renters. What is he planning to do with all those empty caves?”
“Ray isn’t planning shit.” Zayr spat through his teeth.
His frustration was palpable. Zayr clearly seethed with it. Now I believed I knew why he brought me here after all. Even the simple, brutal criminals like Zayr sometimes needed to vent to someone.
“He’s in his bedroom with those fucking Joy Vessels day and night. They hardly sleep, hardly eat anything, and drink only that cursed hyacinth tea, be it damned.”
The reason for Zayr’s choosing me to listen to this confession remained a mystery. But I had an idea about that too.
Despite our many meetings, Zayr had never seen my face.
To him, I was a nobody, a shrouded shadow that stayed away from everyone and talked to no one.
For Zayr, confessing to me must’ve felt the same as talking to the ocean or screaming into an abyss, with all secrets revealed disappearing into nothing.
“Ray didn’t get where he is by doing nothing, you know?
” he said bitterly. “Everyone wants what he has. Many fae in Ashgate would pay a fortune to have him dead. He constantly has to fight for his life and to defend his position, and he used to be great at it. Now…” he groaned, taking a swig of his water.
“Now I have to do everything for him, and it’s fucking exhausting. ”
“Do you have to? Did you tie yourself to him with a promise?” I asked, already guessing the answer.
Ray wouldn’t trust his life to someone not bound to him by a formal promise.
Zayr nodded with a heavy sigh.
“What choice did I have? Starving and burning under the sun on the beach? Or working for Ray, who gave me a nice, cool cave and free water.” He raised his tumbler.
“The promise of loyalty for life didn’t feel like much in exchange.
All I had to do was collect the rent and kick out those who didn’t pay.
Ray managed everything else himself. Now I have to handle all his security as well.
His water business is falling apart. Do you think those thugs over there…
” he gestured down the path toward the guards by the entrance, “don’t sell the water on the side or trade it for favors? ”
“Didn’t they give the promise of loyalty too?”
“Some did, but to Ray, not to me. So now that he’s fucking unavailable, they’re all slacking, and I don’t have enough hours in the night to keep them in line.”
“Why did he get like that?” I wondered. “You know I have a Joy Vessel too. Yet I still do whatever is necessary to survive and take care of her.”
Elaine. Something in my chest twitched at the thought of her. She’d become the main cause of all my worries but also the only source of my comfort.
A part of me understood Ray. I too wouldn’t mind locking myself in a cave with Elaine and spending my days and nights with her on my lap, and I hadn’t even tasted her joy.
That was an important distinction between Ray and me.
I couldn’t afford to lose myself in Elaine’s pleasure.
I didn’t have someone like Zayr to keep us safe.
She only had me, and I couldn’t let her down.
Zayr paused his gaze on me, and I shrank deeper into the shadows of my cloak. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring up Elaine, but I hoped to learn more from Zayr, now that we were alone, and he seemed to be in a talkative mood.
“You’re not tasting her pleasure, General, are you?” he asked.
“No.”
I’d been heeding his previous warning, not because I particularly trusted Zayr, but because when it came to Elaine, I couldn’t take any risks no matter how small.
Even if there was the slightest possibility of any of my abilities to be impeded by her joy, I couldn’t risk it.
I needed all my physical strength and all my mental powers to keep her safe, fed, and content.
“That’s the key.” Zayr nodded, chugging the rest of his water. “Stay away from her, especially her.”
The emphasis he’d put on the word “especially” set off an alarm in my mind.
“What do you mean? Why her? What’s so different about my Joy Vessel?”
He narrowed his eyes at me, setting his tumbler aside. “You tell me. What makes her so special that apparently all of Kalmena is now talking about her?”
Until now, word of mouth had been working for us. But as it’d spread wider, it could mean danger too.
“How do you know what’s happening in Kalmena?” I asked.
“From Suhai, the mage. He got kicked out from the capital city and came to beg me for a cave yesterday. He asked about you too.”
“Why?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Zayr shrugged. “Maybe he’s hoping to get his tendrils in your Joy Vessel?”
Something burned inside my chest at these words, and I couldn’t figure out at first what it was. Fear? Anger? Jealousy?
Elaine shared her joy generously with others. Under the right conditions, she was a joyful woman, and the more she gave, the more she had to share. The dismissive, cynical tone that Zayr used when he spoke about it made her cheerful generosity sound like a commodity to own, to force, to take.
But wasn’t that what pleasure was for?
I bought Elaine for that very purpose—to sell her joy.
But after living side by side with this woman, I now knew that pleasure, just like any other emotion, was inseparable from the person creating it.
I held no power over Elaine’s feelings. Never did.
It had always been up to her what to feel and when to feel it.
I could try to make her happy, but I couldn’t force her to feel happiness.
Any attempt to manipulate those pure, beautiful feelings would spoil them.
It was so clear to me now. It boggled my mind that Zayr couldn’t see it. But I sure as fuck wasn’t going to let him or anyone else to “get their tendrils” in Elaine when they spoke about her like that.