Chapter 14 #3
“It is what it is,” I said softly. “My brother has always been their favorite, from the day he was born. At first, he was the youngest and the cutest one. Then, his numerous academic achievements proved he was the smartest one too. He finished high school a year earlier than his peers, got into a prestigious program in a great university, and was doing amazing there too. He also has the sweetest girlfriend and fantastic prospects for his future. And me…well, I’m ‘just a glorified nanny for other people’s kids’ like my dad has put it once, with no husband, no kids, not even a cat. ”
“Do you like cats?” he asked.
Of everything I’d just told him, that was what caught his attention?
I exhaled a soft laugh, my mood lifting, and maybe that was the point of his question.
“I love cats,” I confessed. “We always had at least one when I was a kid. But since I moved out, I didn’t have enough time for a pet. I worked long hours, and I volunteered a lot too…”
I let my voice trail off with regret.
“You’ll end up alone and die an old cat lady,” my mother’s voice echoed in my mind.
Maybe I’d tried to fight the stereotype by not getting a pet. How stupid was that?
“You know what?” I said. “Fuck it. I should’ve gotten a cat.”
“You should have,” he agreed. “You love fur.”
“You think I should get a cat for its fur?” I snorted an incredulous laugh.
“You like soft things. I bet you had a lot of fuzzy blankets in your old dwelling.”
I rose on my upper arm to see his face.
He remained on his back, his face turned up to the sky, his eyes closed. His breathing remained strenuous, but his expression relaxed somewhat. He was no longer baring his teeth. His fists had unclenched too.
“I did,” I said with a smile. “I had lots of fluffy blankets and fuzzy cushions. I also loved to knit soft sweaters while wearing warm fur slippers. I didn’t have much time to knit, but when I did, it would’ve been perfect to have a cat on my lap.”
His eyes remained closed, but the corners of his mouth twitched and ever so slowly curled up in…a smile?
I shifted a little closer for a better look. It was undeniably a smile. I couldn’t blame my poor vision for playing tricks on me. From this close, I could see it perfectly.
Timur smiled, and every muscle in his face relaxed. He must’ve sensed my surprise because his left eyelid fluttered open and the membrane over his right eye pulled away. He looked at me.
“Did you know you can smile?” I asked. “A real smile, I mean.”
“I can?”
His smile grew wider, fueled by my amusement and my pleasure at seeing it. Shadow fae could feel amused too. Only in their case, it reflected in a more cynical, sarcastic expression, not in a genuine smile like this.
“It feels…good. To smile.” His words still came out a little haltingly. But it looked like the worst of his pain had passed.
I was afraid to move, however, scared that it might come back. I ventured only small caresses of his chest with my hand.
“It looks good on you. Not that you needed to look even more devastatingly handsome,” I teased.
“No one has ever called me handsome before. Not in the past ten years at least.”
“And before that? Did people find you attractive?”
Of course they did. The parts of him that had been altered by the dragon’s venom hadn’t bothered me at all anymore.
To me, the hard pieces of bone over his muscles made Timur look like the fierce warrior he was.
Like pieces of armor, they protected his body.
Like weapons, they were lethal in a fight.
Judging by the parts of him still spared from the bone, however, he used to be very good looking in a conventional way too.
“Did women find you attractive?” I added.
Confusion clouded his gaze.
“Women? You mean more than one? What for? A fae man can only mate with one woman at a time, once a year. And frankly, once is more than enough.”
“You don’t like sex.” It came out as a statement more than a question.
“No shadow fae does.”
“What do you feel when you touch me?” I asked, remembering the many times he’d made me writhe and moan in pleasure.
His gaze warmed with tenderness. He lifted his hand, running the tip of a finger down the side of my face in a caress.
“The deepest satisfaction I’ve ever experienced in this life is when I bring you pleasure, my sweet.”
A shiver of excitement shimmered down my skin.
“And what do you feel when I touch you?” I asked next, leaning into his caress.
His finger stilled under my chin. His shoulders moved, and his hand trembled with his soft sigh.
“Nothing like…this,” he exhaled. “Elaine…is this what true pleasure feels like?”
He stared at me wide-eyed.
“This is just a small portion of it,” I murmured, kissing his jaw.
He moaned, turning his head to catch my next kiss on his lips.
“Do you see now why they pay us a fortune for your kisses?” I smiled against his lip.
“Fuck. We’re not charging nearly enough for this,” he groaned, making me laugh.
It thrilled me that he finally shared this with me, that he finally knew exactly how he made me feel.
“Have you…um, mated with someone before?” I asked, unsure if I wanted to know but unable to stop myself.
“I have,” he replied simply, and something inside me dropped.
I glanced aside, but he caught my chin with his fingers and turned my face back to him “Why does it disturb you?”
“It doesn’t,” I tried to protest.
But he’d become excellent at reading my emotions, even when he wasn’t connected to them through a tendril like he was now. His gaze stayed on mine, not allowing for any more lies.
“It’s…a human thing, I guess,” I mumbled, trying to explain. “It has no logic or reason. I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this, but…I just can’t help it.” I bit my lip, trying and failing at holding back the next question, “Who was she? The woman who…um…”
I couldn’t finish my question, but he understood me regardless.
“Her name was Valeni,” he said, his relaxed expression replaced by a frown. “She was my general when we met.”
“Did you…love her?” I asked quietly, afraid to ask what I really wanted to know. Did he still love her?
“I respected her, looked up to her, admired her. We served in the queen’s army together, defended the crown from its enemies together, traveled the kingdom together. Before we both realized what was happening, it was too late. The mating fever caught us off guard, not too far from here, actually.”
“Here? Do you mean Ashgate?”
“No. Back then, neither Valeni nor I knew the exact location of this city. We were searching for it way north of here, on the mountain side away from the ocean shore. The virutu dragons have a colony on the ridge of the mountain there.” He sighed. “Something we also didn’t know about back then.”
His breathing had stabilized. His deep voice rolled much more smoothly now, and his muscles had relaxed under me. I rested my head on his chest where his heart was still beating erratically fast. Or maybe it was beating faster now as Timur was sharing his memories.
“We thought we were careful. We believed that we’d been keeping enough distance between us for the fever not to affect us.
But that’s the power of attraction, isn’t it?
We searched each other out without realizing it because we both felt more content in each other’s company than apart from each other. ”
His words caused another bitter tug of unreasonable jealousy inside me. Timur blinked, clearly sensing it too, but I just waved my hand, urging him to go on.
“What happened then?”
“Then?” he echoed. “The mating fever came when we least expected it and weren’t prepared to deal with it. We managed to get away from the camp. But we had no time to build or even to find a proper shelter.”
He drew in a long breath, absent-mindedly running his right hand up my back. The claws gently stroked my skin through my dress, sending a shiver of pleasure up my bare arms. A light shudder rippled through his body in response.
“This is…incredible.” He stared at me in wonder. “So much pleasure from such a simple gesture.”
I smiled. “I’m just full of joy, ain't I?”
He ran the claws up my arm, then combed them through my hair, brushing it away from my face. Joy fluttered through my body like a kaleidoscope of gossamer butterflies, reaching the very tips of my toes.
“Gods…” Timur exhaled a strangled moan, not of pain but of pure bliss.
I smiled. “It’s nice, isn’t it? I love your claws.”
“I had no idea how much you enjoy them,” he marveled.
I hated to pop our joyful bubble, but my thoughts twirled back to his story.
“Can you tell me what happened to Valeni?” I asked.
As long as he could talk about it, I didn’t want to have anything unspoken left between us.
“Yes,” he said somberly. “The dragon descended on us out of nowhere. In truth, it might’ve been circling above us for hours, for all I know.
But I never noticed it. The need, the lust, the pain…
It was all so strong, it overwhelmed all my senses.
I didn’t see or hear anything. If the ground opened under me then, I don’t think I would’ve noticed that either.
I only realized we’d been attacked when Valeni’s pain slammed into me through our tendrils. She was on top of me…”
He swallowed with effort, staring straight up again. His wings obscured the sky, but he didn’t seem to care, staring through them, through the storm, and the clouds straight into his past.