Chapter 15
SIMON
I couldn’t help laughing as Theo slammed me against the bedroom door, dissolving into giggles as we tried and largely failed to kiss because Theo was laughing, too. Both of his hands were on me, but not settled in any one place—roaming as though he couldn’t decide where to put them.
I could hardly believe this was happening, even with the evidence of his bony fingers poking one of the bigger bruises under my ribs. I hissed against his mouth, and he snatched his hand away, pulling back to stare wide-eyed at me.
Holding his gaze, I tossed the shoes I was carrying aside, found his hand, grabbed hold of it, and pushed it hard into the same spot. Dull pain bloomed under the pressure, radiating out in a hot pulse.
Theo glanced at our joined hands, then looked at me again, uncertainty in his eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
I snorted. Now that I’d finally stopped laughing for a second, I took advantage of the opportunity to catch his mouth, just hard enough to tip it over the edge from sweet to sexy—I hoped—nipping at the plush bottom lip I’d always wanted to bite before drawing back.
“I don’t care if you leave twice as many bruises on me,” I said, voice threatening to catch in my throat. This was too much, and I didn’t really understand why it was happening, but I wasn’t about to question it. I’d wanted it too long to risk making it stop. “Because it’s you.”
Theo’s throat worked as he swallowed. A dozen things flashed over his face, one microexpression after another. Some of them looked like nerves, some lust, some passed too quickly for me to figure out.
I wanted the nerves to go away, at least.
When I kissed him this time, it was softer, more deliberate. My glasses were a little in the way, but I didn’t want to stop and take them off.
“It’s just me,” I murmured, curling a hand over his hip and squeezing.
My heart was racing, hammering against my ribs, but I could ignore that.
Whenever I’d guiltily let myself imagine this, it’d been all about Theo.
About how badly I wanted to take care of him, to be better than everyone else he’d been with.
I couldn’t compete on glamour, but I could on actually caring about him.
Loving him. More than anything in the world.
Theo’s lips twitched, the nerves melting away from his face. “You’re not just anything.”
I huffed, squeezing his hip again, unsure how to continue. I knew Theo so, so well in every other way, but I had very little idea what he liked in bed. It was the one thing we’d never talked about.
The tip of his finger touched the left hinge of my glasses, trailing along the arm. “Can I take these off?”
I nodded. I’d be able to see the only thing I cared about seeing right now—Theo—without them.
His fingers were gentle as he took the glasses off, setting them down on the weird little, narrow little sideboard by the door that made the place feel even more like a hotel room. “I’ll get them for you later,” he promised.
I drew a breath to respond, but whatever I’d been going to say was swallowed up by his lips sealing over mine.
Theo’s fingers threaded into my hair, tight enough to sting.
His body pressed against me, pinning me to the door again.
I gasped as his tongue slipped past my lips, a shiver of arousal rippling down my spine at the brush of it against my own.
“Tell me you top,” Theo breathed into my mouth, fingers still tight in my hair.
I did, but I would’ve told him anything he wanted to hear.
“I top,” I confirmed with a hot spike in my gut.
“Knew you were perfect,” Theo murmured, eyes searching my face, a smile playing around his lips. I’d seen him excited plenty of times before, but I’d never seen him excited about me.
I laughed again as he tugged my half-untucked shirt the rest of the way out of my pants, shoving his hands under it. My bruises ached as he touched them, but I wouldn’t have stopped him for anything. It felt right that Theo’s touch should hurt a little. I’d wanted it so long.
He kissed me again, hard and needy, as though he was trying to crawl into my mouth.
I would’ve let him, if he wanted to. I would’ve loved that.
Eventually, I remembered that I also had hands, and could use them to take Theo’s clothes off, if I wanted.
Which I did.
So much.
Theo gasped into my mouth as I got my fingers on his bare skin, pressing closer to me. There was barely an inch of space between us from knees to shoulders now, and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted that to change.
He was the only thing in the world to me—no wedding, no cursed Hamptons house, no paintball bruises, no fireworks. Just Theo.
“Bed,” he murmured against my lips.
“Bed?” I repeated. I was sure under normal circumstances I knew exactly what a bed was and what he wanted me to do with it, but none of my blood was in my brain anymore. At least, no more than I needed to think, Theo, Theo, Theo, on repeat.
“Bed,” he confirmed, tugging me away from the door by my shirt and turning me around before giving me a shove. I backed up one pace, then another. On the third, the back of my knees hit something.
“Oh,” I said. “Right. Bed.”
Theo rolled his eyes dramatically, but the smile spread across his lips gave him away.
He shoved me again, and the mattress squeaked as my butt hit it. I hadn’t stopped bouncing before Theo dropped himself in my lap, surging forward to kiss me.
I didn’t have time to catch my breath before he was pushing me back, undoing my shirt buttons with impressive efficiency, getting his hands on my skin again.
The power of thought beyond yes, more, please, touch touch touch left me as my fingers fumbled for buttons and zips on Theo’s clothes in return. Every inch of skin I uncovered was a new wonder, the feel of it under my fingers addictive.
Theo caught my mouth and only backed off to gasp for breath before diving back in, his tongue sweeping over mine as he tugged on my clothes, stripping me piece by piece.
I wasn’t nearly as efficient as he was, distracted by his mouth and his hands. By the time he had me down to my boxer-briefs, I’d only managed to ruck up his t-shirt and get his fly open.
He kissed me one last time before shuffling back to sit on his haunches, eyes locked on mine as he grabbed the back of his collar and pulled the shirt over his head, revealing pale, smooth skin inch by inch until he tossed it aside.
I swallowed. It didn’t matter so much what he looked like. It mattered that it was him. Theo. Undressing for me.
He laughed, crawling back over to me and ducking down for a kiss.
“Take my pants off,” he murmured against my lips. “Grab the lube in the drawer.” He paused to kiss me again, catching my lower lip between his teeth. “And fuck me.”
I would have done anything Theo asked of me, so I didn’t need telling twice. He giggled against my jaw as I pushed my hands into the back of his jeans, shoving them down until they caught around his thighs.
“That’s it,” he encouraged, wriggling out of them, pushing his own underwear down and tossing them aside like he had his t-shirt. “You’re allowed to touch, you know.”
I huffed, but took the hint, running my hands up his bare thighs and earning myself a shiver in response.
“Feels good,” Theo murmured against my jaw, breathy. “Love your hands. Want your fingers.”
My head was spinning, but I shoved that aside to focus on doing what Theo asked of me. Anything he wanted, I wanted to give him. I wanted this to be good.
I wanted to be the best he’d ever had, though I wasn’t sure that was within my power. I still intended to try.
The drawer squealed as I tugged it open, fumbling for the lube before getting my fingers around it.
I flipped the cap open without looking, too busy kissing my way along Theo’s neck, soaking in the breathy gasps he made with every touch of my lips.
When I squeezed the tube, a glob of something more like book paste than lubricant squirted into my fingers.
“Uh,” I said, wrinkling my nose as I squished it between thumb and forefinger. “How long has this been here?”
Theo pulled back, looking at me with his brows drawn. His pupils were blown, eyes glazed, and he looked like he’d just been woken from sleepwalking, dazed and confused.
I held my fingers up for his inspection.
His nose wrinkled as well as I demonstrated the stickiness of the lube.
“Umm,” he looked between my fingers and the drawer. “Four… no, five years?”
I turned the bottle up and looked at the crimp. Expired three years.
A laugh escaped me. Theo gave me a withering look, taking the tube from my hand and peering at it. “Expired—”
“Three years ago,” I finished for him.
Theo wrinkled his nose again, closing the cap and giving the tube a shake. It made a promisingly wet sound this time, as though there was a more liquid substance in there somewhere.
He unscrewed the cap, glaring at the tube the whole time like it’d stolen his lunch out of the break room fridge. When he got it open, he plucked another sticky glob from the end, mouth screwing up along with his nose as he leaned over to grab a tissue from the box on the nightstand.
Once he was done cleaning his hand, he tossed the tissue toward the trash, missed, shrugged, then screwed the cap back on lube.
“The rest of it’s fine,” he said, holding the tube out to me.
I stared at him.
“You can’t be serious.”
He shrugged again. “It’s going in my ass,” he said, biting his lip and looking me over. “I want this,” he added. “You.”
Enough not to care about expired lube. Which, probably, wasn’t the biggest deal in the world. As long as it still worked.
“You have to promise me you’ll tell me if it feels weird,” I said, giving in.
Theo broke into one of his just-for-me smiles, dimples on full display, eyes crinkling at the corners. He leaned forward, brushing our noses together, lowering his lashes. He knew what a good look shy was on him, and he was taking advantage of that.
“Promise,” he murmured, so close our lips brushed together. “We’ll take it slow.”