Chapter 21
SIMON
After what had ended up being hours separated from him, seeing Theo across the packed courtyard trying to blend in with the plants was the highlight of my day so far.
I wove my way through the crowd, avoiding gesticulating glasses and frighteningly efficient wait staff along the way, tensed the whole time for fear of being called away.
The way his face changed when he saw me, eyes widening and lips curling into a smile that looked as relieved as I felt, swept away everything that’d come before. All there was in the world, for the three heartbeats it took to reach him, was Theo.
“Simon,” he said, as though it was the first breath he’d taken since we’d been split up earlier.
I’d been afraid ever since that I’d done something wrong just before we’d been interrupted.
The thought that I hadn’t had a chance to find out, that Theo might be hurting and I couldn’t do anything about it, had haunted me all through the ceremony and pictures and rounds of handshakes and congratulations I couldn’t just walk away from.
So it felt as though I was taking my first breath since then, too.
“Miss me?” I asked, grinning at him. I couldn’t help it—whenever Theo came into touching range, my happiness rose a handful of notches. I wasn’t unhappy when he wasn’t around, usually, but I was a lot happier when he was.
“Always,” he said. “Simon, I—”
“And now, ladies and gentlemen,” a voice booming over the sound system cut Theo off. “It’s time for the first dance!”
Theo’s mouth twisted into a wry smile, shoulders heaving with a sigh.
The crowd moved as one, clearing the central part of the courtyard as though they’d all known in advance what to do on their cue.
Maybe they had. Maybe there’d been a seminar while Theo and I had been in the living room by ourselves.
However it’d happened, it left me and Theo near the front of the crowd once everyone was done moving. It was then I realized how well-timed this was, the afternoon light just turning to gold, lighting up the cleared space as though it was glowing.
A sigh rippled through the crowd as Delilah stepped out in a completely different dress from the one she’d gotten married in.
This one was still white, but sheer to the waist except for just enough of a strip of opaque fabric to cover her nipples, poofing out into a ballerina skirt that fell to calf length.
The whole thing sparkled in the sunlight.
She must’ve put body shimmer or something on, too, because her skin glittered as she swept out onto the floor with Corey.
She made him look like the most ordinary man in the world. He looked at her as though she was the only woman in it.
“Wow,” I murmured.
“Yeah,” Theo responded beside me, shuffling a little closer. “That’s my baby sister.”
His voice was rough, and when I looked at him, I caught the faint glimmer of tears welling up along his lower lashes. He blinked them away and they vanished, but I knew what I’d seen.
A swell of affection for him welled up in my chest. He did love Delilah. Enough to want her to be happy.
Theo thought he wasn’t a generous or kind person, but I knew better. He was. He was just also kind of a grouch sometimes. That was part of his charm.
The opening notes of The Cure’s Just Like Heaven played over the sound system, loud enough to drown out any possible further conversation. I wondered how Delilah had gotten her mom to sign off on that.
A hush descended over the crowd as all the lights and lanterns strung around the place came on at once—for the benefit of the photographer, I assumed, who was set up in what would have been the best vantage point, tripod propped on one of the benches, standing behind it on a stool.
I’d met her earlier for wedding party photos. She’d been impressed when I read off her Sappho tattoo—mnásesthaí tiná phami kaì ústeron amméōn.
Someone will remember us, I say, even in another time. It was one of my favorites, too.
As Delilah and Corey twirled their beautifully choreographed way around the dancefloor, I curled my fingers around Theo’s, giving him a gentle squeeze. He linked our fingers together, squeezing back.
I loved him so, so much.
Applause erupted from the crowd as the song came to an end, with a few whoops and cheers thrown in—even a wolf whistle as Theo’s mom and Corey’s dad stepped onto the dancefloor, signaling that it was open now.
A few other couples joined them as the opening bars of another song continuing the 80s New Wave theme played.
“Dance with me,” I said, giving Theo’s hand a gentle tug.
He turned to me wide-eyed. “I don’t—”
“I know,” I murmured, squeezing his hand again then turning it over to look at his nail polish. “But if you’re being someone else...”
I didn’t intend to push—I knew Theo never danced. It would have been a lie to say that didn’t disappoint me, because I would have loved to dance with him when we went out to places where that was a thing, but I would never have wanted to make him uncomfortable.
I still had no idea what was going on in his head, but I knew he’d tell me when he was ready for me to know. In the meantime, permission to do things he normally wouldn’t couldn’t possibly hurt, could it?
Theo’s throat worked as he swallowed. I offered him an encouraging smile.
“You’ve seen how I dance,” I said. “You can’t be worse.”
He looked me in the eye for another handful of heartbeats, then nodded.
I broke into a grin, dragging him out onto the dance floor before he could change his mind.
“One song,” I promised. “Then you never have to do it again.”
Theo rolled his eyes, but the smile tugging at his lips gave away that he wasn’t serious.
I laughed as the song changed—Hold Me Now by the Thompson Twins. I knew this one well. It was one of Theo’s favorites. I’d heard him singing along to it at the top of his lungs in the shower dozens of times.
Theo’s eyes widened again, but there was wonder in them this time.
“DJ saw you coming,” I said. The strings of lights overhead twinkled in Theo’s eyes. Magical.
“How do I...?” Theo looked at me, his feet, and then around at the other people dancing.
I laughed again, tightening my grip on his hand. “Follow me,” I said. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Theo nodded again, trust shining in his eyes. I grinned and twirled him around, ignoring the beat, focusing on making it feel good to move together.
He broke into laughter. It was a little nervous, but there was real joy in there too as I took both his hands and turned us around, pulling him in and then twirling him out again.
His laughter got louder as he almost tripped over my feet, and when I almost tripped over his, he broke down into helpless giggles, face flushed and eyes gleaming.
He was so gorgeous like this. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t dance, for my sake. Anyone who saw it couldn’t help but want to spend their entire life with him.
I swung him out again, both of us clumsy on our feet from laughing, then drew him back in so his back collided with my chest, putting a hand on his hip and rocking us both side-to-side, more or less to the beat.
“We’re awful at this,” Theo said, leaning back to talk into my ear so I could hear him.
“Does it matter?” I asked.
He paused a moment. Theo valued his competence. That was fine—he was a competent man—except that it meant he rarely did things he didn’t already feel competent at.
“No,” he said decisively, craning his neck to look at me. “No, it doesn’t.”
I laughed again, pressing a dramatic, smacking kiss to his temple before spinning him out once more, swinging our joined hands between us as the song faded out.
Something slower I didn’t immediately recognize came on next.
I took a breath to tell Theo he’d danced his one song and we could stop now, but then I caught the look on his face. I could only think of it as longing.
My heart did the kind of backflip an Olympic gymnast would have been thrilled to land. I wasn’t sure it did land it. I was too busy staring back at Theo.
He’d never looked at me like that before.
I held out the hand he wasn’t still holding, and a smile even I could tell was shy.
“One more?” I offered. “I can’t promise not to trip over your feet again.”
“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I grinned at him, stomach swooping as he stepped closer. Theo didn’t hesitate this time, dropping his head onto my shoulder and curling his fingers into the back of my jacket.
How long had I wanted to hold him like this?
“More my speed,” he murmured against my shoulder as I took the lead, the two of us swaying together. My slow-dancing technique wasn’t really an improvement on my regular dancing technique, although it might have been a little safer for everyone else involved.
“Your speed is fine with me,” I said, letting out a long breath. It’d been one hell of a day. I wasn’t sure I’d processed everything that’d happened.
Theo was slow dancing with me at his sister’s wedding. We… we’d started out this weekend pretending to be dating, but…
It wasn’t pretend anymore. Was it?
The sex had been very real, for a start. Even setting that aside, there was something… different about all this.
Theo wasn’t looking around to make sure people were seeing it. This wasn’t about showing anyone that he was taken, or wanted, or hadn’t been dumped the moment things were less than perfect.
“Gone quiet,” Theo murmured without moving his head from my shoulder.
“Focused on not stepping on your feet again.”
“I don’t mind if you do.”
This time, Theo did raise his head to look at me. The light was still fading, which made the string lights all the brighter where they reflected in his eyes.
Everything stopped when he looked at me. The music, the other people on the dancefloor, the rest of the Hamptons, the Atlantic ocean, the stars above. They all ground to a halt and fell away, and we were the only two people in the universe.
My heart pounded in my ears. I couldn’t have pointed to anything special about this moment over every other moment I’d spent with Theo, but there was something.
Magic. I couldn’t describe it any other way.
“Simon…” His eyes glinted as he trailed off, searching my face. I hoped he found what he was looking for there. I hoped he found everything he’d ever looked for in me.
I hoped, wildly, stupidly, insanely, that he was feeling what I was feeling, and seeing what I’d always wanted him to see.
That I might not have been glamourous, that I wasn’t impressive, that, whatever he said, I was not one of the world’s beautiful people.
That I could make up for all of it by loving him.
Not his surname. Not the idea of him I had in my head. Not the perfect boyfriend he tried to play until the illusion crumbled and he was forced to reveal that he had needs, too. And failings, and quirks, and some suboptimal habits.
Him. Theo. Everything about him. Always. Even when I was mad at him.
My heart shuddered to a halt along with the rest of the world as Theo put his hand on my cheek. I loved the way he did that. I’d never noticed him doing it before, but it was one more impossibly sweet thing about him to be in love with.
Fireworks burst in my head as our lips touched. This was a soft kiss, mouths parted but tongues kept behind our teeth, slow and lingering, Theo’s lips moving against mine. My glasses weren’t at all in the way this time.
I couldn’t have said what was different about this kiss, either. We were in front of pretty much the entire wedding, but it felt as though we were alone. It was soft, closer to chaste than sexy, but it sent heat surging to the pit of my stomach, a wave of lust tingling over my skin.
It was real. Real, in front of everyone. We weren’t faking anymore.
We weren’t faking anymore.
My heart was beating so fast I was sure Theo would hear it. Would feel it.
Maybe that didn’t matter. Maybe it was time to tell him how I felt, once and for all.
“Theo,” I began, breathless, my vision closing in at the edges as though I was about to pass out. “I—”
Theo’s finger pressed to my lips stopped me in my tracks.
“Just be with me,” he murmured, eyes glinting uncertainly as he held my gaze.
Had he known what I was going to say?
I couldn’t be sure. Did it matter?
He was asking me for something. Anyone who knew me would have said I did anything he asked me. That was true, but Theo so rarely asked anyone for anything. He didn’t accept help or favors or even consideration if he could possibly avoid it. It was an honor when he asked for things.
I nodded. I could tell him later. It’d waited a decade already—it could wait another few hours. Days. Weeks, months, years if that was how long it took him to want to hear it.
I already had more than I’d ever expected. The rest could go at Theo’s pace.
Relief broke over his face, a wavering little smile spreading over his lips.
He surged forward to kiss me again as though he’d just won a prize, and when he backed off, his smile was wide enough to make his eyes crinkle at the corners.
Anything was worth it for a smile like that. Patience was almost nothing to ask.
“One more dance?” Theo asked, glancing around. The dance floor was packed now, half the wedding or more squeezed into the space. We’d been exposed when I first pulled him out here, but now we were anonymous in the crowd.
“Always.”