Chapter 31
SIMON
Him showing up at my parents’ house had been probably the most romantic gesture of my or anyone else’s life, but if I was being completely honest, it didn’t feel real until we’d gone to bed together earlier tonight. Last night? I wasn’t sure of the grammar of the situation. Theo would know.
“Okay?” I asked as he snuggled close, resting his head against my shoulder. There was a hollow there that seemed to be exactly the right shape for it.
“Had to pee,” he murmured. “Because someone made me drink a glass of water before I went to bed.”
I snorted. “Sorry for taking care of you. It will happen again.”
Theo hummed, shifting to get comfy. His fingers curled around a handful of the t-shirt I’d thrown on before sleep, clinging like a toddler to a safety blanket.
I liked the idea of being his safety blanket.
Silence reigned for maybe thirty seconds in which the only sound I could hear was his breathing, slow and steady but not asleep.
“Well, now I’m awake,” he complained, shifting again as though plastering himself more firmly against me would fix that, shoving one icy foot between my calves.
I chuckled. How could I do anything else? Theo was here. With me. Not because his heart was broken and he needed the comfort. Because he wanted to be here and he didn’t need an excuse anymore.
It was all I’d ever wanted. I’d take all the icy feet and three a.m. wakeups I could get if they came with that.
“I can bore you to sleep if you want,” I offered. “I’ve been thinking about how to improve the shelving in the 1800-1850 section to fit some of the new acquisitions once they come back from the conservation department.”
Theo snorted. “Nice try, but you know I love to hear you talk about work.”
I hummed. “Well, if I’m not boring enough for you...”
“You’re not boring to me at all. I love you.”
I smiled, turning my head to press a kiss to Theo’s hair. He’d cut back the frequency of saying it a little, but only because we’d been talking about so many other things. And finding other ways to occupy each other’s mouths.
“Feeling’s mutual,” I murmured.
Another handful of heartbeats passed in silence, long enough that I thought maybe Theo had fallen asleep again after all.
“I got a text from Delilah earlier.”
“Yeah?” I asked, nuzzling his hair.
“Mm,” he hummed. “She asked if you’d proposed yet.”
I huffed a laugh into his hair. “Did you want me to?”
I would, if he did. Instantly. I knew this was what I wanted forever. If Theo wanted to have us surgically attached to each other, I’d go along with it.
“Not just yet,” he said. “You can propose when you find the right moment.”
“Thank you for your permission,” I teased, but I was grateful to have it. We’d waited ten years to get our act together. Taking our time was kind of our thing.
I would be proposing, though. When I found the right moment.
“Corey called me,” I added. “Before I went to my parents’ place.”
“Oh?” Theo tensed in my arms. I pulled him closer—not that there was much closer to pull him—and kissed his forehead again.
“You turned him down when he proposed to you.”
I heard Theo lick his lips. “He told you that?”
“And that he had my number because you instructed him to call me if anything happened to you. Which I appreciate, because I’d want to know as soon as possible if anything did.”
Theo made a tiny, shy noise, turning his warming face toward my shoulder.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he murmured. “I just…”
“I get it. You would’ve had to tell me why, and you were scared. We were both… scared.”
“I couldn’t lose you,” Theo said. “And I thought if I tried to hold you too tight, you’d…”
“Slip out of your hands like a wet bar of soap?” I finished for him when he trailed off.
He barked a laugh. “Anyone ever tell you your metaphors could use work?”
“You’re only saying that because you’re an editor,” I said. “Anyone else would’ve thought that was a great metaphor. Poetic, even.”
“Uh huh.” Theo smiled against my shoulder, pressing his face into it. “You keep telling yourself that.”
“You won’t lose me,” I said. “Whatever happens, you won’t. I want you in my life and while I very much like the way that looks right now, I’ll take whatever I can get. You’re stuck with me.”
“Best way I’ve ever been stuck,” Theo said, raising his head to look at me. The only light in the room was what filtered in through my flimsy curtains and glowed from the alarm clock, so neither of us could really see each other.
All the same, I could feel the way he was smiling at me.
“I’m never getting back to sleep if you keep talking to me,” he said, and now I could hear the smile in his voice.
“I can shut up,” I offered.
Theo hummed, shifting again. His hand found my cheek on the first try, thumb running along my cheek. He wriggled, somehow, even closer, wrapping his thighs around me.
“I have a better idea,” he said, pushing against my shoulder to roll me onto my back. “It’s my turn to be on top.”
I made pancakes in the morning. Double chocolate chip, Theo’s favorite.
“I can finally tell you how hot it is when you do that,” Theo said from the breakfast bar. I glanced over to see him leaning on the counter, chin in his hand, morning light falling over him and catching all the wisps of his hair so he looked like he was glowing.
“Do what?” I asked, pushing my glasses back up my nose.
“Flip the pancakes like that,” Theo said, a smile playing around his lips. “It’s very competent. Competence is sexy.”
I laughed. “I’ll have to take you to work with me. Wait until you see what I can do with a catalogue.”
“We’d ruin at least one manuscript,” Theo said. “I couldn’t keep my hands off you.”
Heat rose up the back of my neck. That didn’t stop me flipping the next pancake with a flourish, knowing Theo was watching.
“Hot,” he called from behind me. “Keep that up and breakfast’ll get cold.”
My ears were burning by now, but I couldn’t help smiling.
I’d never imagined Theo finding me attractive before, but he had shown me—and shown me, and shown me—that I was wrong about that.
He’d whispered beautiful into my skin often enough that it was starting to sink in that, whatever I thought, he believed it.
“Start eating,” I said, passing over the stack of pancakes I’d made so far. “Then it won’t.”
“You spoil me,” Theo said, already reaching for one of the mismatched plates.
“So I’m told.” By everyone, constantly.
That was fine, though. If this was spoiling, it clearly wasn’t doing any harm.
I poured another half-cup of batter into the pan and swirled it around with the same familiar, automatic motion I always had, the back of my neck only prickling a little now that I knew Theo was watching me do it with lust in his heart.
“Are you free tonight?” Theo asked, muffled by his mouth being partly full.
“Oh, gee,” I said with a laugh. “Might need to check my busy schedule. I think I had zoning out in front of the TV penciled in, but if you’ve got something important then I could probably move it to later in the week.”
Theo huffed, and I turned just in time to see him licking pancake crumbs off his thumb. “Well, I was thinking... I mean...”
He glanced away. A tiny coil of anxiety pinched at the pit of my stomach, but the color streaked along his cheekbones eased it a little.
“Historically, I’m extremely unlikely to say no to you,” I pointed out.
“I know,” Theo said, a wry smile tugging up the corner of his lips. “I try to be careful about what I ask you.”
“You never ask me for anything I wouldn’t do. I trust you. Consider this a yes in advance unless you ask me something physically impossible.”
Theo wet his lips as I turned the stove burner off, sliding the last pancake directly on top of the stack in front of him and extracting one of my own from the bottom of the stack without bothering with a plate.
I folded it in half and took my first bite, melted chocolate spilling luxuriously over my tongue.
He wasn’t going to ask the impossible. It was sweet that he worried about it, though. Most people didn’t.
“I was thinking, uh... I’d like to move back in.”
Dawn had broken a couple of hours ago, but as far as I was concerned it was doing it all over again.
“Of course,” I said, too quickly. “Of course. Your room’s still right there. There’s, uh, kind of a bunch of junk in it I’ve been meaning to sort out, so it might take a couple of days, but we can definitely start tonight if that’s what you—”
Theo cut me off with a raised hand, licking melted chocolate off his lips.
“Actually,” he said once he was done. “I was thinking I’d move into yours.”
Oh. Oh, right.
I laughed, setting the uneaten half of my pancake down and surging over the counter to kiss him, too overwhelmed to use my words right now.
That was fine. This wasn’t the kind of thing that needed a whole lot of them.
When I pulled back, his pupils were blown, eyelids drooping dreamily, a lazy smile spreading over his lips.
He was mine. I got to keep him.
I was never letting him go again.
“In that case,” I murmured. “Welcome home.”